The Terminal Consumer
We have all espied them. Even worse terminal consumers than us. Fatties, hogging it up in their great vehicles. Driving along, guzzling gas in air conditioned comfort, chatting on their cell phones, with their mouths full, for Goddess sakes. Usually, the rear bumper features a Jesus Christ emblem, pitifully comparing themselves to that allegedly skinny or wormy ascetic. Mercy!
But should we feel superior? Well, maybe just a little bit. Crumby means, like, after all. There is a matter of degree to consider. But on the other hand.
Actually, Crumby pedaled over to the HEB on Brodie yesterday morning. Crumby’s goal was the acquisition of some delicious Krispy Crackers, the finest of all the saltines available on the so-called free market. Now first of all, heading over to that particular HEB on a bicycle is perilous for an average elderly old man like Crumby. But not much more perilous than heading over in a great vehicle or regular car. Yes. Mercy. It’s a perilous journey or trip. But the City of Austin, for reasons unknown, made that journey way safer recently. How so? A crew of concrete men installed wheel chair ramps on the sidewalk/driveway junctions just south of the Williamson Always Dry Creek crossing. Merciful Heavens! What a great civic improvement that was for the average cyclist in these parts.
Anyway, there Crumby went, cycling over to the HEB, his mouth watering, anticipating those delicious Krispy crackers he was fixing to purchase. Crumby figured to purchase three boxes, easily manageable in the bike basket. But once inside the actual HEB, checking out the cracker aisle, Crumby noted that the regular Krsispy Cracker slot was entirely void of any crackers. Meantime, right below the regular Krispy Cracker slot or shelf space, there was shelf space for whole wheat Krispy Crackers. Ugh! What kind of a sick f*** eats whole wheat saltines?
Therefore, the upshot is, Crumby rode all that way on a bicycle just to buy some crackers. But there were no proper crackers. Only whole wheat pervert crackers. Sick and disgusting.
Forlornly and wearily, Crumby pedaled on back to the CB. No crackers. Thought Crumby. And where is the corn on the cob? And what about the avocados? Where are the delicious Mexican avocados? And where’s the dang corn on the cob? Mercy!
But should we feel superior? Well, maybe just a little bit. Crumby means, like, after all. There is a matter of degree to consider. But on the other hand.
Actually, Crumby pedaled over to the HEB on Brodie yesterday morning. Crumby’s goal was the acquisition of some delicious Krispy Crackers, the finest of all the saltines available on the so-called free market. Now first of all, heading over to that particular HEB on a bicycle is perilous for an average elderly old man like Crumby. But not much more perilous than heading over in a great vehicle or regular car. Yes. Mercy. It’s a perilous journey or trip. But the City of Austin, for reasons unknown, made that journey way safer recently. How so? A crew of concrete men installed wheel chair ramps on the sidewalk/driveway junctions just south of the Williamson Always Dry Creek crossing. Merciful Heavens! What a great civic improvement that was for the average cyclist in these parts.
Anyway, there Crumby went, cycling over to the HEB, his mouth watering, anticipating those delicious Krispy crackers he was fixing to purchase. Crumby figured to purchase three boxes, easily manageable in the bike basket. But once inside the actual HEB, checking out the cracker aisle, Crumby noted that the regular Krsispy Cracker slot was entirely void of any crackers. Meantime, right below the regular Krispy Cracker slot or shelf space, there was shelf space for whole wheat Krispy Crackers. Ugh! What kind of a sick f*** eats whole wheat saltines?
Therefore, the upshot is, Crumby rode all that way on a bicycle just to buy some crackers. But there were no proper crackers. Only whole wheat pervert crackers. Sick and disgusting.
Forlornly and wearily, Crumby pedaled on back to the CB. No crackers. Thought Crumby. And where is the corn on the cob? And what about the avocados? Where are the delicious Mexican avocados? And where’s the dang corn on the cob? Mercy!
posted by ray pistrum at Thursday, July 28, 2011
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