Bicycle Security

In these parts, Austink and vicinity, one could easily frail a bicycle thief with a dead cat. Well. Maybe not easily, but there is some probability that one could, maybe, depending a priori on the availability of a deceased feline. That’s why the local craigslist features almost daily pleas from luckless former cyclists who just had a bike stolen out from under his or her taut or semi-taut buttocks. Please! If you see this bicycle, my only means of transportation that was also bequested to me by my recently departed, etc.

They say, Go not to the Druids for advice. Because, chances are the Druids shall satirize you. However, Druids often provide , free, unsolicited advice. Like if you want to keep your bike, don’t leave it out somewhere in the wilds all night long or even for a few hours. No. You need to take your bike home or keep it inside where the thieves are less likely to steal it. Good, free, Druid advice.


But if you absolutely have to leave your bike somewhere out in the wilds, like at the Stinky Valley Elementary bike rack, make sure you lock it up. Also, the lock needs to be at least half the size of your bike to have any chance of thwarting the myriad bicycle thieves out there. See. This bike, thanks to the supersized lock, is fairly safe.