How Do I Become A Druid?
Easy that. The topic Red's Good vs. Evil Cow Barn is a guideline for just that, How Do I Become A Druid? However, because it is such a collaborative effort of the Cow Barn, plus the Druidry in these parts, including Tabby Labbers, and because it isn't finished, (some topics are immortal), the senior Druidry, including some Haint Druidry, has decided to provide an abbreviated guideline to get you started with Druid training in case you "ain't got awhile".
1) Memorize as much data as you can and keep memorizing data until you start to see patterns. G. R. is perhaps the best example we know of on how to go about doing this. At any rate, after you learn to see patterns, you will become an Ovate and you will be able to predict future events with amazing accuracy, even without recourse to drinking bull blood and sleeping rolled up in raw bull hides or eating psilocybin mushrooms.
2) Focus on just one subtopic, or as many as you think yer noggin can handle. If you try to handle more than one, they will have to be sufficiently analogous to produce over-lapping patterns. If yer really smart you can handle about four, maybe, although we strongly recommend no more than three on account of the Triple Goddess which as we have probably pointed out previously is another spelling of the White Goddess.
3) Druids are, and have always been consultants/entertainers. Use what you memorize and see patterns in to make a living and to influence yer environment in a way that is favorable to you and the White Goddess.
4) Honor the Goddess. This means that you have to recognize that everything, that is every uckingfa thing alive, has intrinsic importance unto itself. If this wasn't so, every uckingfa thing would stop straining to live and/or replicate itself. This intrinsic self-importance is all you have in common with everything else and serves as the only important underpinning for altruism. (Considered bizarrely, this is why yer mommy told you she would always love you no matter what you did). It is also, if you are untrained, ignorant and vulgar, the only phenomena that connects you up with the White Goddess. If you can't understand this, you will never be a Druid.
5) Learn the old stories about the Goddess. There are lotsa good ones and you can read them on yer own or wait for RGVECB to spell for you the correct version of the rest of them and interpret them for you. The "Adventures of Bloudewedd", for example, is upcomin', anon.
6) It is very helpful in Druid training to anthropomorphosize the Goddess. And after a little effort on yer part, She will start to make this easy. Consider this passage from Coleridge:
Her lips were red, Her looks were free,
Her locks were yellow as gold.
Her skin was white as leprosy.
The Nightmare Life-in-Death was She,
Who thicks man's blood with cold.
Perhaps you can see from this why we at RGVECB and Elsewhere sometimes express concern about our (the Druidys) slow and intermittent progress vis-a-vis our relationship with the Goddess. Also, for those many of you wandering in the loss of yer Catholic faith, you might find it helpful to envision the Goddess dressed up in a nun's habit.
Also it is very helpful to de-anthropomorphosize yerself and to think like a plant or animal, or even become a plant or animal, occasionally. Get yerself a totem er two.
7) Recognize that myth (all kinds) and nature (all kinds) are inextricably linked. If one dies or starts getting sick, so does the other. Really understanding this, may take a while.
8) Always tell the truth (if asked a direct question), restrain yer gluttonous appetite (the Goddess wonders over a fat Druid and suspects slow progress), always do payback.
9) Strive for satire, not cynicism.
10) Have lotsa fun.
11) Some of the Druidry hypothesize that Druids are born (natural born), not made. If they are correct, then you may never get to be a Druid. On the other hand, if you have read all this..............
_____
Questions or comments should be sent to "Ask the Lovely Druidess Rayetta" who according to the LDR knows just about everything.
This subtopic has been made probable by the combined efforts of,
Badgemagus Swineherd, PhD.
Nancy, the Goddess of Practical Jokes
Red Ears, proprietor of RGVECB
A Haint Druid er Two
_____
We do not discriminate on the basis of race, color or phylum, but we do discriminate on the basis of creed.
The ArkDruid
1) Memorize as much data as you can and keep memorizing data until you start to see patterns. G. R. is perhaps the best example we know of on how to go about doing this. At any rate, after you learn to see patterns, you will become an Ovate and you will be able to predict future events with amazing accuracy, even without recourse to drinking bull blood and sleeping rolled up in raw bull hides or eating psilocybin mushrooms.
2) Focus on just one subtopic, or as many as you think yer noggin can handle. If you try to handle more than one, they will have to be sufficiently analogous to produce over-lapping patterns. If yer really smart you can handle about four, maybe, although we strongly recommend no more than three on account of the Triple Goddess which as we have probably pointed out previously is another spelling of the White Goddess.
3) Druids are, and have always been consultants/entertainers. Use what you memorize and see patterns in to make a living and to influence yer environment in a way that is favorable to you and the White Goddess.
4) Honor the Goddess. This means that you have to recognize that everything, that is every uckingfa thing alive, has intrinsic importance unto itself. If this wasn't so, every uckingfa thing would stop straining to live and/or replicate itself. This intrinsic self-importance is all you have in common with everything else and serves as the only important underpinning for altruism. (Considered bizarrely, this is why yer mommy told you she would always love you no matter what you did). It is also, if you are untrained, ignorant and vulgar, the only phenomena that connects you up with the White Goddess. If you can't understand this, you will never be a Druid.
5) Learn the old stories about the Goddess. There are lotsa good ones and you can read them on yer own or wait for RGVECB to spell for you the correct version of the rest of them and interpret them for you. The "Adventures of Bloudewedd", for example, is upcomin', anon.
6) It is very helpful in Druid training to anthropomorphosize the Goddess. And after a little effort on yer part, She will start to make this easy. Consider this passage from Coleridge:
Her lips were red, Her looks were free,
Her locks were yellow as gold.
Her skin was white as leprosy.
The Nightmare Life-in-Death was She,
Who thicks man's blood with cold.
Perhaps you can see from this why we at RGVECB and Elsewhere sometimes express concern about our (the Druidys) slow and intermittent progress vis-a-vis our relationship with the Goddess. Also, for those many of you wandering in the loss of yer Catholic faith, you might find it helpful to envision the Goddess dressed up in a nun's habit.
Also it is very helpful to de-anthropomorphosize yerself and to think like a plant or animal, or even become a plant or animal, occasionally. Get yerself a totem er two.
7) Recognize that myth (all kinds) and nature (all kinds) are inextricably linked. If one dies or starts getting sick, so does the other. Really understanding this, may take a while.
8) Always tell the truth (if asked a direct question), restrain yer gluttonous appetite (the Goddess wonders over a fat Druid and suspects slow progress), always do payback.
9) Strive for satire, not cynicism.
10) Have lotsa fun.
11) Some of the Druidry hypothesize that Druids are born (natural born), not made. If they are correct, then you may never get to be a Druid. On the other hand, if you have read all this..............
_____
Questions or comments should be sent to "Ask the Lovely Druidess Rayetta" who according to the LDR knows just about everything.
This subtopic has been made probable by the combined efforts of,
Badgemagus Swineherd, PhD.
Nancy, the Goddess of Practical Jokes
Red Ears, proprietor of RGVECB
A Haint Druid er Two
_____
We do not discriminate on the basis of race, color or phylum, but we do discriminate on the basis of creed.
The ArkDruid
posted by ray pistrum at Thursday, September 15, 2005
1 Comments:
Dear Bromide Jim Jam,
We have reviewed yer comment carefully and can find no lies, in it. As to the christians engaging in self-destructive behavior, they need no added encouragement for that. Perhaps the passage "let the heathen rage" should be spelled "let the christian rage!"
the LDR
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