Cuhulian Wastes Away (continued)

Note: There is a fragment that goes here between this part and the last part of the story that I spelled asleep in the wee hours this mornin' that I have temporarily fergot.

Red But now here 'tis, inserted.

The incidents that combined to produce the turmoil in Cu, penultimate-like, that fetched him up conked out, whupped and dumb were these. The Ulaid were all out picnicin’ for Samuin which is the fall harvest festival when us pagans thank the Goddess and begin to discern who might need to be switched out in conclusion of that particular turn of the wheel. While the Ulaid were thus engaged, picnicin’, and also observin’ some circus acts, there come a flyin’ a great many birds of a kind that some desire of their plumes fer ornamentations and these birds alit over on the shore of a lake that provided a visually pleasant back drop for the Ulaid picnic.

A great many of the ladies present and some of the gentlemen also begun to dispute about the birds fer they desired the plumage for adornment, but needed to settle on who would actually go out and subdue the birds, and what might be the ultimate distribution of the plumage. Cu was not takin’ part in this dispute because he wanted to be left alone to enjoy a circus act featuring dogs that could throw their barks. Cu was very interested in dogs anyway, and found this apparent capacity in dogs, troubling. “How the heck will I know if the dogs talkin’, to me, if it can throw its bark”, mused Cu.

While Cu was so absorbed, the dispute round about him waxed ever hotter and the Ulaid being long on temper and short on constraint began to spell cynicism, so a generalized panic attack was like to bust up the picnic. And, a generalized panic attack among the Ulaid meant that no one was safe on account of everyone tuckin’ at least a knife or a razor, even the little girls.
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Though she was in those days a mere imp, sittin’ on a Dolmen, honin’ her razor and watchin', the presumptive Druidess Lebarcham, intervened to avert the generalized panic attack imperilin’ the plume crazed Ulaid. This is the manner of her intervention. Hippity hopping off the Dolmen she then made her way through the maddenin’ crowd to where Cu sat contemplating the ventriloquist dogs. “Cu”, she hollered, “the Ulaid is about to cut loose, one upon another, if’n ye don’t fetch yonder birds in, fer ‘em.”

“Huh! Why ye little........., I’ll skin ye fer sure, interuptin’ yonder dogs, fer me.” And the mighty Cu went into his rage format and lunged for the tiny presumptive Druidess Lebarcham to do just that, skin her alive. Quick as a terrier was Cu, but Lebarcham was cat quick also and the quicker of the twain. Wild quick as it were, and she leaped away ungrabbed and also taunted Cu with: “Cu eats puppy dogs, Cu eats puppy dogs, Cu eats puppy dogs, etc.”

“Groan!” Cu said, for he was, by this troublesome imp reminded that if he ever chanced to eat a dog the WG would snuff out his candle and he was afeared too, of how this dern little................ But then the terrible Cu began to diminish and his big eye shrank and his little eye expanded and his hair grew out again and he took a deep breath and spelled “All righty then, what shall I do to get over this ruckus?”, fer Cu had now noticed the ruckus.

“Ha! The ladies and some of the gentlemen too, want ye, Cu to acquire them birds yonder fer ‘em, and yer own wife, is among the bickerers, and after all Cu, there is hardly a one of ‘em that has two eyes, fer ye.”

“Groan”, Cu said, for now this little.................was reminding him that most of the ladies and some of the gentlemen among the Ulaid had blinded themselves from love of Cu, and in tribute to his goin’ Cyclops when his rage was upon ‘em.

“You should go and talk to Eithne now and she will tell you what is recommended.” Lebarcham spelled.

“Groan.” So Cu, who had only ever wanted to learn about the ventriloquist dogs in peace, dismally trudged over to where his wife stood in a crowd of ladies and sissies and all of ‘em hollerin’ and brandishin’ knives er razors. “Stop all this right now er else”, hollered Cuhulian and so scared was everybody that they all did shut up fer once and Cu exclaimed, “That’s better, now Eithne my dear, I understand you have somewhat of a chore, fer me.”

“Why yes Cu, I surmise that ye and ye alone can solve this nicely and expeditiously. Ye espy those birds yonder? All the ladies here assembled, and some of these gentlemen also, and I, Eithne yer loving wife, require that ye procure those birds, one fer each of our shoulders.”

“Jeez Louise”, thought Cu, but he kept his thought to his self, and to keep the peace and get back to his dog show Cu agreed to go and fetch in the birds, fer everone. This he did do, fetch in the birds and the manner in which he did thus was to go along in his chariot at a great pace and hurl his sword, boomerang like at the birds and smote ever one of them in this fashion so that they all lay dead upon the water of the lake. Then Cu and his chariot driver, Loeg drove down to the lake water, went in aswimmin’ and swam around like retrievers collectin’ all the wet, dead birds and these they loaded on the chariot. After restin’ awhile from their labors, Cu rode and Loeg drove the chariot back to the crowd and that chariot groaned under the weight of the wet, dead birds plus it had Cu and Loeg in it and they were wet also, and the chariot horses struggled uphill and were pissed off. But anon they arrived at where the pacified crowd stood out and Cu began distributin’ the wet, dead birds, one to each proffered shoulder.

Everone was happy to have a wet dead bird on their shoulder then, but one. When it came Eithne’s turn to get her wet, dead birds, Cu discovered that he was at the bottom of the bean bin and plumb out. “Woe is me,” thought Cu, but he did not say anything, only awaiting for the hammer to fall.

Eithne though showed lotsa class. Fer after all she had already waited ‘til last to get her birds and got neither of 'em, and then she spelled, “Never mind those birds Cu, you can get some fer me, anytime.”

But alas the story endeth not here for some in the crowd cried out, “Yonder fly two more birds Cu, and ye can catch them if ye hurry”. So Cu took off apace and did not hear Eithne holler out, “Don’t go!”