Druid News Service (DNS) Newsflash!!!! The Kinglet Speaks - Homeland, Homeland, Uber Alles
Achtung Dumbkopfs! Whoa! I mean, may I have your attention please, my fellow Homelanders. Now listen here, this is your kindly Kinglet opining. I have been working hard today and the work was hard work. But there’s no rest for the wicked so I have some more hard work to do. Like, for example this speech I am fixing to give. Uh, I have an important speech today. And it’s hard work. Er. Where was I. Er, uh, uh, uh, here I am. Yes! Minister Rover wrote this speech for me. So it’s important you pay close attention. What I am about to speechify on is perilous to the Homeland and very scary due to all the evil out there beyond Our Homeland and also because everyone hates us and wants to kill us all. Lemme see. Where’s the start of Rover’s speech he wrote for your kindly Kinglet? Uh, buh-de, buh-de, uh, uh, uh. Here we go.
Today, the homeland is much safer. The Islamic fascists are on the run everywhere. There is no safe refuge for the Islamic fascists anywhere because we are after them everywhere. We are a lot safer than the Islamic fascists. But are we entirely safe? Sadly no, we are not entirely safe. Many of the Islamic fascists are still out there everywhere. Plus, besides the Islamic fascists, there are lots of other kinds of evil people that hate us. They are fascists too, just not Islamic fascists. The important point is, no matter what kind of evil fascists those people are, they hate us and they want to kill us, anyway they can. So we need to get all the other evil fascists on the run everywhere too.
But what happens when we have all the evil fascists everywhere on the run? Imagine that, evil fascists running around everywhere all over the globe. We will need to kill them all and then round up the leftovers, right, and interrogate the leftover evil fascists to find out what the rest of them, that we haven’t managed to kill or round up yet, are up to. Right?
Here’s something really scary. What if the different kinds of evil fascists are all in cahoots everywhere? What if the combined forces of evil fascism are out there all over the globe having meetings, and at the meetings they are telling lies about us behind our backs? Plus, at these same meetings they are planning to kill us all, right? All the evil fascists that attended that meeting that we don’t subsequently kill need to be rounded up and interrogated, obviously. Because, right, they are all fixing to kill us and they also know a bunch of other evil fascists that are fixing to kill us too. So obviously, we need to be able to torture the ones we have captured, the evil fascist prisoners we have captured that were fixing to kill us all, and we need to make them tell our brave interrogators everything they know about the evil fascists that are still out there running around fixing to kill us all. That’s common sense, right?
Did you know that the City of Geneva is geographically situated very close to France, and might as well be a part of France, because almost everyone that lives in Geneva speaks, French? Did you know that the French hold conventions in Geneva? Recently, at one of those conventions, the French concocted a new convention. This relatively new French convention in Geneva threatens Our Homeland. Get this! The French are telling us not to torture prisoners that we have captured. Prisoners that we captured to protect Our Homeland, that were trying to kill us all. And these same prisoners personally know other evil fascists that are on the loose outside the prison and all over the globe that are also trying to kill us all. So the French and some of the French speakers in Geneva are telling us, how to do our business. What a joke that is, right?
Not only are the French telling us how to do our business, they the French, want to arrest all our brave interrogators. They want to arrest all our brave interrogators for torturing evil fascists who have been captured in the very act of trying to kill us all and who personally know thousands of other evil fascists who are fixing to attack Our Homeland or Our Homeland’s globally distributed property and take away Our Rights. What a joke that is, right? Do you think for a single second, that we should pay any attention whatever to French conventions in Geneva? Of course not.
The Homeland is safe, but not entirely safe. Thousands, potentially millions, of evil fascists are still running loose all over the globe. Every one of those evil fascists is out to kill us all. They hate us and they have no respect for Our Homeland or Our Global Property Rights. So when we capture an evil fascist, it is absolutely necessary that our brave interrogators torture that evil fascist. Torturing each and very one of those evil fascists is the only way to make them talk. That’s common sense. And a little common sense is what we need to keep us safe.
Sadly, some sheltering in the safe environment of Our Homeland lack common sense and are sympathetic to the evil fascist murderers. They believe we should just turn the captured evil fascist murderers, the killers of innocent women and children, loose. These evil fascist sympathizers believe the evil fascist prisoners that were fixing to kill us all should be given an airline ticket and maybe a box cutter. Use your common sense. What do you real patriotic Homelanders think a released evil fascist would do with an airline ticket and a box cutter? Use your common sense to think about that!
I, your Kinglet, am working really hard to keep our safe Homeland even safer. But it’s hard work. Especially when fascist sympathizers want to turn all the captured evil fascists loose. Plus, the fascist sympathizers, just like the French, want to arrest our brave interrogators. Ha! None of these fascist sympathizers have any more common sense than a Frenchman. Right? Use you common sense, Homelanders, and help me do the hard work of keeping us safer. God bless the Homeland.
_____
Yikes! This is Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter for the Druid News Service. For some liberal rebuttal to the Kinglet’s pep talk we have here with us on the relatively safe grounds of Red’s Good Vs. Evil Cow Barn, Dr. Hector Protector, Safety Expert. Dr. Protector, what did you think about the Kinglet’s pep talk?
Well now missy, in my opinion this was the Kinglet’s greatest oration and pep talk ever.
Why’s that Dr. Protector? The Kinglet’s speech really scared me. I was really scared.
Course it scared you sweetie. It scared me too. But I’m in the safety business and the Kinglet showed he understands that the safety business is good for the economy. With thousands, maybe million of evil fascists running loose, and more virtual evil fascists turning to evil fascism every day, there’s no limit on how scared everyone will be. Evil fascists running loose globally spell full employment, stock splits, bigger dividends, mercy, the limits to expansion and growth in the safety industry are virtually limitless. Especially considering all the virtual possibilities for growth and expansion of the industry. The Kinglet has some common sense so he understands the importance of all that, considered globally and virtually.
But goodness gracious sakes alive, Dr. Protector, this is crazy. It’s crazy to think every poor soul outside the Homeland is an evil fascist. It’s crazy to have secret prisons and secret this and secret that and torturing in secret. The US is a democracy for Goddess Sakes, not just a homeland.
Times change missy. You have to consider what’s good for the economy.
All righty then. Thanks a lot Dr. Protector for all that liberal insight. This is Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter, signing off for the DNS. Goddess Bless and watch out for the Wicker Man!
Today, the homeland is much safer. The Islamic fascists are on the run everywhere. There is no safe refuge for the Islamic fascists anywhere because we are after them everywhere. We are a lot safer than the Islamic fascists. But are we entirely safe? Sadly no, we are not entirely safe. Many of the Islamic fascists are still out there everywhere. Plus, besides the Islamic fascists, there are lots of other kinds of evil people that hate us. They are fascists too, just not Islamic fascists. The important point is, no matter what kind of evil fascists those people are, they hate us and they want to kill us, anyway they can. So we need to get all the other evil fascists on the run everywhere too.
But what happens when we have all the evil fascists everywhere on the run? Imagine that, evil fascists running around everywhere all over the globe. We will need to kill them all and then round up the leftovers, right, and interrogate the leftover evil fascists to find out what the rest of them, that we haven’t managed to kill or round up yet, are up to. Right?
Here’s something really scary. What if the different kinds of evil fascists are all in cahoots everywhere? What if the combined forces of evil fascism are out there all over the globe having meetings, and at the meetings they are telling lies about us behind our backs? Plus, at these same meetings they are planning to kill us all, right? All the evil fascists that attended that meeting that we don’t subsequently kill need to be rounded up and interrogated, obviously. Because, right, they are all fixing to kill us and they also know a bunch of other evil fascists that are fixing to kill us too. So obviously, we need to be able to torture the ones we have captured, the evil fascist prisoners we have captured that were fixing to kill us all, and we need to make them tell our brave interrogators everything they know about the evil fascists that are still out there running around fixing to kill us all. That’s common sense, right?
Did you know that the City of Geneva is geographically situated very close to France, and might as well be a part of France, because almost everyone that lives in Geneva speaks, French? Did you know that the French hold conventions in Geneva? Recently, at one of those conventions, the French concocted a new convention. This relatively new French convention in Geneva threatens Our Homeland. Get this! The French are telling us not to torture prisoners that we have captured. Prisoners that we captured to protect Our Homeland, that were trying to kill us all. And these same prisoners personally know other evil fascists that are on the loose outside the prison and all over the globe that are also trying to kill us all. So the French and some of the French speakers in Geneva are telling us, how to do our business. What a joke that is, right?
Not only are the French telling us how to do our business, they the French, want to arrest all our brave interrogators. They want to arrest all our brave interrogators for torturing evil fascists who have been captured in the very act of trying to kill us all and who personally know thousands of other evil fascists who are fixing to attack Our Homeland or Our Homeland’s globally distributed property and take away Our Rights. What a joke that is, right? Do you think for a single second, that we should pay any attention whatever to French conventions in Geneva? Of course not.
The Homeland is safe, but not entirely safe. Thousands, potentially millions, of evil fascists are still running loose all over the globe. Every one of those evil fascists is out to kill us all. They hate us and they have no respect for Our Homeland or Our Global Property Rights. So when we capture an evil fascist, it is absolutely necessary that our brave interrogators torture that evil fascist. Torturing each and very one of those evil fascists is the only way to make them talk. That’s common sense. And a little common sense is what we need to keep us safe.
Sadly, some sheltering in the safe environment of Our Homeland lack common sense and are sympathetic to the evil fascist murderers. They believe we should just turn the captured evil fascist murderers, the killers of innocent women and children, loose. These evil fascist sympathizers believe the evil fascist prisoners that were fixing to kill us all should be given an airline ticket and maybe a box cutter. Use your common sense. What do you real patriotic Homelanders think a released evil fascist would do with an airline ticket and a box cutter? Use your common sense to think about that!
I, your Kinglet, am working really hard to keep our safe Homeland even safer. But it’s hard work. Especially when fascist sympathizers want to turn all the captured evil fascists loose. Plus, the fascist sympathizers, just like the French, want to arrest our brave interrogators. Ha! None of these fascist sympathizers have any more common sense than a Frenchman. Right? Use you common sense, Homelanders, and help me do the hard work of keeping us safer. God bless the Homeland.
_____
Yikes! This is Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter for the Druid News Service. For some liberal rebuttal to the Kinglet’s pep talk we have here with us on the relatively safe grounds of Red’s Good Vs. Evil Cow Barn, Dr. Hector Protector, Safety Expert. Dr. Protector, what did you think about the Kinglet’s pep talk?
Well now missy, in my opinion this was the Kinglet’s greatest oration and pep talk ever.
Why’s that Dr. Protector? The Kinglet’s speech really scared me. I was really scared.
Course it scared you sweetie. It scared me too. But I’m in the safety business and the Kinglet showed he understands that the safety business is good for the economy. With thousands, maybe million of evil fascists running loose, and more virtual evil fascists turning to evil fascism every day, there’s no limit on how scared everyone will be. Evil fascists running loose globally spell full employment, stock splits, bigger dividends, mercy, the limits to expansion and growth in the safety industry are virtually limitless. Especially considering all the virtual possibilities for growth and expansion of the industry. The Kinglet has some common sense so he understands the importance of all that, considered globally and virtually.
But goodness gracious sakes alive, Dr. Protector, this is crazy. It’s crazy to think every poor soul outside the Homeland is an evil fascist. It’s crazy to have secret prisons and secret this and secret that and torturing in secret. The US is a democracy for Goddess Sakes, not just a homeland.
Times change missy. You have to consider what’s good for the economy.
All righty then. Thanks a lot Dr. Protector for all that liberal insight. This is Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter, signing off for the DNS. Goddess Bless and watch out for the Wicker Man!
posted by ray pistrum at Friday, September 15, 2006
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