Lleu Llaw Guffes, the Lion of the Steady Hand, Engages Order Orthoptera

A cautionary note! Consider the long view. Consider all your potential iterations, evil doers.

Here I am, poor, miserable Lleu Llaw, one time mighty prince of the Cymry, known throughout parts of those historic parts for my steady hand. There I was, a Sun God Trainee, yet now reduced to servitude, suffering through a step and fetch it existence is my present, miserable lot. Plus, my master, the Crumby Ovate, is crazy. Crazy masters can be very annoying.

Yet, the Merciful White Goddess is justly punishing me for my wickedness. I was very bad. So now She has taken me down a notch or two from my lofty Sun God Trainee height. Even so, servitude under the wily yet crazy Crumby is a step up from my previous existence, pinned as I was in a collection box at Arianrhod’s Castle. Mercy for those who wind up at Arianrhod’s. That particular sister of mine is indifferent to long suffering and forgetful.

Anyway, Crumby decided a while back that I needed some additional chores. He thought and thought. I could tell he was thinking because Crumby assumes a thinking posture when he thinks. Some may be aware of that posture. Yet many may be ignorant. That posture goes thus, Crumby stands on his left foot with his other foot hooked behind the left most leg. Then also he covers his left eye with his right hand. My job, when Crumby is thinking, is to watch out for anything that might drop on him, or otherwise sneak up on him, then ward that terrorist or Potential Safety Topic - Environmental Hazard off, so that Crumby may continue with his thoughts, uninterrupted.

A while back was my birthday, Day 223 of DY 1. Crumby gave me the afternoon off. Also, I got half a small watermelon that Crumby had forgotten about and left overlong in the ice box.

Here Lleu Llaw. Try this watermelon out on yer birthday. It’s delicious, maybe. You can have the afternoon off. I am afflicted with weariness. A nap is the only remedy for that weariness. So I won’t be able to monitor yer activities during my nap interval, anyway.

A while later, on Day 236 of DY 1, I was approached by the Lovely Druidess Rayetta. I like the Lovely Druidess. Sometimes she intervenes when my cruel Master tortures me unnecessarily; like when Crumby handed me a tube of Super Glue and ordered me out into the vast expanse of the pecan orchard.

Ye need to have all those broken limbs glued back on in their proper attitudes by Ogma’s fickle failing, Lleu Llaw. Otherwise, I shall have no pecan pie fer my supper, ever.

The Lovely Druidess put a stop to all that. Yet:

Goodness Lleu Llaw. I forgot your birthday. Nevertheless, I have made amends for my forgetfulness,. Crumby informs that you are surpassingly interested in grasshoppers. So I have a nice present for you, a grasshopper tome. Now you shall learn all about the grasshoppers habitating at the CB. Plus, you may include your discoveries on the venue. Won’t that be fun!!!!

Thank ye, thank ye kindly Lovely Druidess for the magnificent tome.

You are welcome Lleu Llaw. Happy birthday.

The Lovely Druidess sashayed off. As I squatted in my humble laboratory cubicle and bedroom, spit polishing my Master’s numerous optical devices, my Master’s wily plan at last intruded into my own noggin. Crumby wants to know all about the grasshoppers. Yet I, his humble servant, Lleu Llaw, shall be the pack mule for that knowledge.

So Ray, the Sun God Trainee hereabout, kindly leant me an electric facsimile from his grasshopper picture collection. It is, I am informed, a shield back, long horned grasshopper, perhaps more properly named, katydid. Ray spells, check out the ovipositor on that young lady!