A Druid Easter

Here comes Peter Cottontail, hoppin’ down the bunny trail.
Hippity, hoppity Easter’s on its wa-ay.

What a great song!

I fondly recall my first Easter at the orphanage. There we little orphan bastards labored one early morning, chained to our little desks, each with an onerous task to perform. I was sorting through onion specimens I was supposed to identify and mount before bedtime. Yet suddenly a Great Rabbit appeared before us.

All righty then!, proclaimed the Great Rabbit. I am fixing to release you from your chains. Once I do that, you shall all proceed outdoors in tandem, that is, two by two. The fact is, you are fixing to get to go outside. Yet you all have buddies you are responsible for, especially you Rayetta. You Rayetta, must make sure that Ray, ventures not astray.

Excitement gripped all us child laborers. What the heck was going on? It must be an unscheduled fire drill, many surmised.

As soon as the Giant Rabbit freed us, we all buddied up. Rayetta gripped my hand tightly. Then off we marched in tandem through the dusty, near stygian corridors. The journey was long and arduous.

Yuck Ray! You sure have a sweaty hand.

I can’t hep it Rayetta. I’m nervous.

Suddenly, as we marched forward, making fair progress, I looked up. There, up ahead, was the Great Rabbit silhouetted by Ogma’s fickle gaze. We were almost outside!

All righty then!, proclaimed the Great Rabbit. You children each require a basket. All of you pick up a basket. Do not squabble over a basket. All those baskets are the same difference.

Anon, we were outside, clutching our baskets in one hand, holding on to our buddy with the other hand, squinting in the unaccustomed light of day. As my eyes gradually accustomed to the unaccustomed light of day, I espied that besides the Great Rabbit, there was also a Great Chicken, a Great Serpent and a Great Sea Urchin variously disposed about the pasture facing the porch upon which we all now assembled.

All righty then!, proclaimed the Great Chicken. You are all fixing to enjoy an Easter egg hunt. All of us Great Animals have laid eggs out in the pasture as a special treat for you little orphan bastards, I mean children. All you have to do is run around and find all the eggs. Then, once you find those eggs or ovums, you get to keep them. They are your eggs. Won’t that be fun! Are there any questions?

I had a question. Great Chicken or Hen, please maam, I am afeared that if I venture off the porch that Great Serpent yonder shall certainly get me. Is that Great Serpent a good snake or a bad snake? Ow! Whut did ye pinch me fer, Rayetta?

The Great Chicken answered up for Rayetta. Ray, we are all kindly Great Animals here. We have, all of us, including the Great Serpent, gone to a lot of trouble, ovapositing all over the pasture so you may go find some delicious eggs. Your very smart sister pinched you Ray, because you asked a stupid question. Are there any more questions? No. Good. Then let the hunt begin.

I had some more questions. But all the other children tore off the porch at a great pace. Even Rayetta tore off the porch. Yes. My sweaty hand betrayed me. There I was, all alone on the porch with the Great Rabbit.

Run along Ray. You need to go find some eggs before they are all gone.

Reluctantly I warily departed from the relative safety of the porch. Keeping one eye peeled for the Great Serpent, I ventured on out into the pasture. OK. I need to find an egg. Suddenly I espied an egg. Yet my sweaty hand betrayed me. I could not get a proper grip on that particular egg. Lo and behold, it slipped away and another child stole my egg. Then, seemingly before it began, the hunt was over. All the eggs were found, ensconced in the baskets of the other children, my basket empty, except for a little hay in the bottom.

Yet my torment had only begun.

All righty then!, proclaimed the Great Sea Urchin. Now we shall count the eggs in the baskets to see which child found the most eggs. The child with the most eggs, shall receive a special egg.

Naturally, the results followed a normal curve with Rayetta on one end and me on the tail end.

All righty then! proclaimed the Great Serpent. Rayetta wins the special egg. Everyone give up a great many coyote yips for Rayetta. The children and all the Great Animals yipped for my sister.

What are we to do about Ray!, proclaimed the Great Serpent. Ray found no eggs. His basket is empty. I know, I shall have to eat Ray. Ha! Just kidding Ray.

But it all worked out OK, anon. Rayetta explained it all. All the Great Animals were just faculty members shape-shifted into those particular animals. Plus, Rayetta shared her eggs.