Crumby Kicks Ass
Kicks ass translates as old timer can still ride bicycle.
Today, just a little while after Crumby’s 63rd birthday, we almost ran out of crackers at the CB. Mercy! At the CB, running out of crackers is a minor emergency. That’s because Red, and by extension the rest of us, only eat Krispy Crackers. Well honestly. We will eat other kinds of crackers. But considering the regular saltines, we only eat the Krispy brand.
So when we like to run out, everyone was amazed that Crumby volunteered to go get the Krispy Crackers. That’s because the Krispy Crackers are vended exclusively at the HEB in these parts. Goodness! The HEB is hard to get at in a great vehicle. And harder to get back from for Goddess’ sakes in a great vehicle. Plus, the HEB is a fer piece. So everyone was totally surprised when Crumby offered to go. Plus flabbergasted when the ancient Ovate actually set sail for HEB. Yes. We all watched as Crumby pedaled off in the general direction of HEB on his red bicycle.
Ha! Those fools don’t realize what an easy trek this shall be. I have scouted the route. Once I get to Brodie, there are sidewalks, both sides of the road, all the way. Buh-huh-huh. I shall be a hero. We, Red included, shall have Krispy Crackers on the menu, for ever.
Yet Crumby reckoned without the stiff southerly breeze. Dang it. This dern wind is a trial and tribulation. Suddenly, Crumby heard a ripping noise. Oh no! My dang pants leg is caught in the dern chain.
Yet fortunately, getting his pants leg caught in the chain was Crumby’s only sin. Plus it pulled right out, only leaving a medium to small rip. Not bad.
OK. I am arrived at this miserable yet wretched, gigantic, grocery store. I need to purchase some more items besides twain boxes of the Krispy Crackers. This journey needs to be epic. OK. Canned peppers, canned salmon for croquettes, generic Alka Selzter, rechargeable batteries made cheap by a three dollar off coupon, and a Tecate tallboy. Tecate tallboys are delicious. Maybe I should get one for my bosom companion, Ray, too. Nah. The extra weight and the hurricane-like winds of these parts might undo me.
In the end, Crumby rode all that great way on his Spalding Blade bicycle, toting all those groceries all the way back, so that the many of the CB could survive a while longer and not starve to death. Crumby kicks ass.
Hey Crumby! Where’s my Tecate tallboy?
Today, just a little while after Crumby’s 63rd birthday, we almost ran out of crackers at the CB. Mercy! At the CB, running out of crackers is a minor emergency. That’s because Red, and by extension the rest of us, only eat Krispy Crackers. Well honestly. We will eat other kinds of crackers. But considering the regular saltines, we only eat the Krispy brand.
So when we like to run out, everyone was amazed that Crumby volunteered to go get the Krispy Crackers. That’s because the Krispy Crackers are vended exclusively at the HEB in these parts. Goodness! The HEB is hard to get at in a great vehicle. And harder to get back from for Goddess’ sakes in a great vehicle. Plus, the HEB is a fer piece. So everyone was totally surprised when Crumby offered to go. Plus flabbergasted when the ancient Ovate actually set sail for HEB. Yes. We all watched as Crumby pedaled off in the general direction of HEB on his red bicycle.
Ha! Those fools don’t realize what an easy trek this shall be. I have scouted the route. Once I get to Brodie, there are sidewalks, both sides of the road, all the way. Buh-huh-huh. I shall be a hero. We, Red included, shall have Krispy Crackers on the menu, for ever.
Yet Crumby reckoned without the stiff southerly breeze. Dang it. This dern wind is a trial and tribulation. Suddenly, Crumby heard a ripping noise. Oh no! My dang pants leg is caught in the dern chain.
Yet fortunately, getting his pants leg caught in the chain was Crumby’s only sin. Plus it pulled right out, only leaving a medium to small rip. Not bad.
OK. I am arrived at this miserable yet wretched, gigantic, grocery store. I need to purchase some more items besides twain boxes of the Krispy Crackers. This journey needs to be epic. OK. Canned peppers, canned salmon for croquettes, generic Alka Selzter, rechargeable batteries made cheap by a three dollar off coupon, and a Tecate tallboy. Tecate tallboys are delicious. Maybe I should get one for my bosom companion, Ray, too. Nah. The extra weight and the hurricane-like winds of these parts might undo me.
In the end, Crumby rode all that great way on his Spalding Blade bicycle, toting all those groceries all the way back, so that the many of the CB could survive a while longer and not starve to death. Crumby kicks ass.
Hey Crumby! Where’s my Tecate tallboy?
posted by ray pistrum at Friday, December 03, 2010
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