More Repressive Desublimation

What’s the most popular dslr camera in the whole world? Ha! Easy that, it’s the Canon Rebel. But how many Rebels would Canon have sold if they had chosen the name Goosestepper, instead of Rebel?

You may know that Karl tells Ray, then Ray tells Crumby about Karl’s many tracker business adventures. Seems like one time Karl the Tracker Druid was on the trail of the curly tails belonging to widely wandering stray pigs. But those particular pigs must have been enchanted because they could wander freely from one reality or alternative universe to another. What were those pigs wandering for? Easy that, those pigs were after more peanuts.

Peanuts here, peanuts there, peanuts grow, everywhere. Well. Maybe not everywhere. But the peanut does feature a distribution as a food crop over a great many alternative realities or universes. Our own miserable universe is but one example.

Long Karl tracked those pigs that some call swine. Yet for a change, the journey was not especially arduous. That’s because enchanted pigs know where to go for the good life. And all Karl had to do was follow along. Plus, before they all departed Karl had loaded up plenty of provender on Ajax,, not only provender for Karl, but also provender for Prissy, Karl’s smart saddle mare, and also for Ajax, Karl's pet or trick mule, yet bearer of the burden. So they were all well accoutered even during those rare times when the pigs lit out from one pasture of plenty, seeking another.

At last though Karl espied those pigs off in the distance. The time was ripe for a pig or swine roundup. Yes. There those pigs were, rooting up peanuts in the peanut patch. But this peanut patch was not just any peanut patch. No. This peanut patch was incredibly vast. Yet the rows of peanuts stretched as far as the eye could see. Like forever they stretched on and on

But there was also in that same vast field of peanuts a beautiful young lady whom Karl did also espy. Yet Karl, in addition to being a small businessman, is also a gentleman. So Karl headed over to visit with the beautiful young lady. It took awhile, longer than Karl felt like it should have took, but at last the threesome eventually reached the near vicinity of the beautiful young lady. But the beautiful young lady was much vexed. Tears streamed down her silky cheeks. Yet those cheeks were beautiful despite the flow of tears. Here’s what those cheeks were like together with the tears. The tears were like newly melted ice running off a glacier. Yes. Those cheeks were white like a glacier. Except where they were red from the rouge the young lady applied during her ablutions of the morning past. And now that rouge was getting all missed up by the outpour of the glacial melt.

What ails ye, beautiful young lady? Karl wanted to know.

It’s those pigs. Those pigs are devouring all my dad’s peanuts. And I am set here by my dad to watch over the peanuts. Yet those pigs have et up a great many already. Whatever am I fixing to do now?

Never fear. You now, through those sad tears, espy before you Karl the Tracker Druid. And these are my companions and business partners, Prissy and Ajax. Would that we knew your name and so could address ye thusly!

I am called Olwen. Yet my dad is also a terrible big giant, grown gaunt and fierce from want of enough peanuts to keep him satisfied. And now those pigs yonder are still gobbling up my dad’s peanuts. Boo-hoo-hoo.

But then Prissy did her imitation of a famous talking horse on the TV so that Olwen could only cheer up, not least for being addressed as Wilbur by a talking horse. Once Olwen was cheered up, Karl says. Olwen, I see you have there a Canon camera. What model is that?

Ha! This is my new Canon Goosestepper. Dad got it for me. I use it to document various facets of life among the peanuts.

Do you have a telephoto for it?

Yes. I have the 70-300.

Would you mind putting the telephoto on your Goosestepper. I would very much like a photo of those pigs yonder. That’s because my client, whose pigs those are, is incredibly anxious to get some reckoning on his pigs’ disposition. Here’s my card. Please just send the picture to my e-mail when you get a chance and Mary will take it from there.

Who’s Mary?

Uh. Mary the Virgin is the secretary or gofer at my small business.

(Actually, Mary is Karl’s third or maybe fourth wife. However, Karl sometimes passes for eligible while on the job).

Anon, Olwen dutifully changed out the lenses on her Goosestepper. Then she took a few shots of the pigs. Want to see?

Course they all wanted to see what the pigs looked like on the LCD.

Just send the best one to Mary the Virgin at my e-mail please. Now we must hastily go and round up those pigs before they root up all your dad’s peanuts.

Off they went after the pigs. Except Ajax got to stay behind with Olwen. And to keep Olwen’s spirits up, Ajax did Francis the Talking Mule imitations.

Now Prissy is a quick and nimble saddle mare. So Prissy started out at a fast walk. Then she broke into a trot. Anon, Prissy was at full gallop. But it seemed like to both Karl and Prissy that they were taking an awfully long time to reach the pigs. Plus the pigs, weren’t going anywhere. And they still weren’t getting any closer to the dang pigs.

Mercy! Prissy neighed. What’s with these pigs? Hold it Karl. I need to catch my breath.

Hmm. Karl panted in sympathy. Those pigs are clearly enchanted. We shall need to employ some Druid Magic to counteract the enchantment surrounding those pigs.

Once Karl did the Druid Magic on the pigs, Prissy rounded them up in short order. OK you pigs. Ordered Karl. Head that a way toward that mule and young lady.

The last picture Olwen took with her Goosestepper that day was of Karl and Prissy herding the pigs along back toward their original time, reality or universe. She used her wide angle lens so that Ajax, bringing up the rear, then Karl and Prissy in the middle, with the pigs at infinity, would all be in sharp focus.

Be sure to send that one to Mary too please. Karl implored.