Pope What’s His Name

Millions can’t remember the pope’s name. But that doesn’t matter because there is only one pope at a time. So, given that the pope is almost unique, why does he need a name in the first place?  And if he does need a name, why not Peter, always?

Pope Peter. Personally, Crumby feels like pope is plenty and Pope Peter would be redundant. But what do Druids know? Easy that. Not much when it comes to the inner workings of one of the great anti-pagan institutions of all time. For example, we only recently discovered that the pope’s infallibility only kicks in on church business. That’s why the Mafia has never bothered to kidnap the pope.

Yes. If papal infallibility applied to the future outcome of a ball game or a horse race, almost everyone would need personal access to the pope, just to compete. And the temptation to have the pope all to one’s self, would be too great for many. Mercy!

So the pope has retired and everyone is expecting the selection of another pope. Meantime, is the retired pope infallible? What if, at this very nonce, a cardinal or two is fixing to trick the retired pope into helping them by employing his infallibility for their exclusive benefit? Mercy! Surely everyone can espy that God or some other responsible party needs to have stripped the retired pope of his infallibility, like yesterday.

Yes. Crumby is pretty sure that the retired pope is no longer reliably infallible. But that means, any church business decisions made between now and the selection of a new, infallible pope, are liable to be fallible. Goodness. So that also means all the decisions probably should be put on hold until the new, reliably infallible pope is installed. Then, a new, totally infallible pope can employ his infallibility to quickly and efficiently deal with the potentially important church business documents and whatnot that have piled up on his desk.