The Wenger Rape Whistle Proves Irresistible

At this very nonce, by the count of the Julian, only three days remain until Wenger shall be out of the knife business forever, maybe.  That fact put lots of pressure on Crumby, an average knife hoarder.  I mean collector.  Like what if all of a sudden someone in authority decided to melt down the remaining stock of unsold Wengers.  Then, what would happen to the attached, already possibly rare, rape whistles.  Would they melt those down too?  Mercy!

So in a panic, Crumby broke down and ordered a new Wenger Matterhorn, the only extant model that features the rape whistle tool.  Interestingly, the cheapest EBAY vendor of this Wenger model, the Matterhorn, ECOP, may specialize in sales to the various, multitudinous police forces necessary for the maintenance of the pseudo-peace in barbarian America.  Hmm.  Crumby can see how cops need rape whistles more than anybody, maybe.

Before Crumby ordered his Matterhorn, he made sure that it would come to the Cow Barn tightly sealed in a box or packaging; thus, to insure nobody had done any fart whistles or suchlike with Crumby's forthcoming rape whistle prior to its arrival at Crumby's nearly virginal lips. Yes.  It needs to be a brand spanking new, never before used, totally sanitary, rape whistle.  For Goddess sakes.

Which blows away Crumby's main collecting rules, Buy Used, or, Buy People's Republic.

Unfortunately, aside from the rape whistle, the Matterhorn is pretty lame.  It's main blade is 60% serrated, so it's hard to sharpen.  It has two Phillips screwdrivers.  Hopefully, different sized, but Crumby wouldn't bet on it. It has a dopey snap shackle which is only handy if you don't know any French.   Everything else is the usual truck.   Yet Crumby really wanted that whistle.  For goodness, gracious sakes, alive.