Nose Hair Shootout

Ha!  I bet nobody in these parts trims nose hair with a firearm.  Nobody more than once, that is.  So instead, what we are fixing to discuss is the best sak scissors for trimming up that unsightly nose hair.  Recall that nose hair grows worst and fastest in the nostrils of the old or slow witted.  It's like presto magic.  One minute your nostrils are ok and the next those nose hairs are like old growth forest twining down into and tangling up with your moustache.

Moustache!  (Pronounced moose' stash).  Did you know that moustache is a French word?  Many in these parts feel like they can't or won't learn a foreign language.  Just like they can't or won't work.  Yet they may already know some French.

OK.  Nose hair apparently afflicts tall people more than short people.  This is because a short person may easily espy a tall person's nose hair.  On the other hand, a tall person would need to get down on his or her knees and peer up to see a short person's nasal or nose hair.   Few tall people are likely to do that in polite society.  But it could happen.

It's not just yer nose hair that needs a trim.  It's your nose hair and your moustache considered simultaneously due to the propensity of those twain to tangle or their close proximity of growth.  And what's more,  a lady's moustache is just as likely to get in with her nose hair as a gentleman's.  That is,  if a lady has a nose hair problem,  she is going to have a mosutache problem too, maybe. Therefore, the particular scissors we are now extolling tend to work, or should tend to work, on your moustache as well as your nearby nose hairs of both sexes plus hermaphrodites.

Down below is a picture of the six candidates for our important scientific investigation.  However, the two candidates on the right didn't actually get in the test.  No why?  They are too large and cumbersome for delicate nose hairs.  Which leaves the four candidates to the left.  Those four are, from left to right, the Victorinox 58mm,  an older Wenger 65mm, a newer Wenger 65mm and a Victorinox 74mm.  All these four official candidates were recently rescued from either the dollar bin or the three dollar bin at the State Surplus Store.  All Crumby did to prepare them for this test is wipe them down with a paper towel and vinegar and slightly remove some sak gum with steel wool, but only where necessary.  A paper towel  with vinegar gets shut of most of the Ebola germs.

The actual test turned out to be less scientific than Crumby had originally hoped.  That's because Crumby ran out of nose hairs and moustache before he could fairly test all the candidates.  Some got more opportunities than others.  So the test was not fair.  However,  despite the negative experimental results,  Crumby's nose hairs and moustache never looked better.