My New Bike and Habitual Right Lane Driver Scum
Here is my new bike that they got me for my birthday while I was in a coma, supposedly. However, I was more like Wynona's big brown beaver, since they tickled my chin and gave me a pinch and brought me out the coma. He went to Tacoma, and wound up in a coma. Mercy!
The new bike is a Kona Dew Plus. It's got upgraded tires, shifters, rear derailler and a kickstand. I can't stand a bike without a kickstand. No, no, no. So it's actually almost a Dew Deluxe.
The handlebar bag is a functionally adequate Bell that holds the requisite flat fix paraphernalia plus a wallet and keys, cell phone, and maybe an illustrated guide to Sodom or Gomorrah.
I actually like this new bike a lot. Formerly, I was riding a Trek 7100. The new bike is plenty lighter and more maneuverable. It's way faster too.
But what I actually want to complain about today is habitual right lane drivers. Kill them all and may they then rot in hell for eternity after plenty of torture first. Yes. They need plenty of torture. Plenty. Then they need to rot. After they rot. They need to be dug up and tortured some more. Habitual right lanedrivers!!!! Ugh!
So I am driving south on Westgate and arrive at the Jones Road intersection. Ahead of me, stopped by the light, are 10 vehicles, all in the right lane. There are no vehicles in the left lane, and no vehicles in the left turn lane. When the light changes, all 10 vehicles ahead of me proceed straight on. None (nun) of them turn right. I am the only one that turns right. Jesus! Hades, damnation, eternal, everlasting torment to them. Goodness!
Cycling provides further keen insight into the habits of the habitual right lane driver type of asshole. There I go. Pedaling furiously against the wind, heading east on the Hwy 71 feeder street. A miserable Jap car sweeps up beside me, honking furiously. Yes. I am crowded over, next to the corner, dodging the flotsam and jetsam road trash, and I get honked at by a habitual right lane driver. That's right. That stinking whoreson had three lanes to choose from on that particular stretch of empty frontage road. So he needs to honk at the cyclist.
This is exactly why I need to start carrying again. Especially now that carrying is acceptable.
The new bike is a Kona Dew Plus. It's got upgraded tires, shifters, rear derailler and a kickstand. I can't stand a bike without a kickstand. No, no, no. So it's actually almost a Dew Deluxe.
The handlebar bag is a functionally adequate Bell that holds the requisite flat fix paraphernalia plus a wallet and keys, cell phone, and maybe an illustrated guide to Sodom or Gomorrah.
I actually like this new bike a lot. Formerly, I was riding a Trek 7100. The new bike is plenty lighter and more maneuverable. It's way faster too.
But what I actually want to complain about today is habitual right lane drivers. Kill them all and may they then rot in hell for eternity after plenty of torture first. Yes. They need plenty of torture. Plenty. Then they need to rot. After they rot. They need to be dug up and tortured some more. Habitual right lanedrivers!!!! Ugh!
So I am driving south on Westgate and arrive at the Jones Road intersection. Ahead of me, stopped by the light, are 10 vehicles, all in the right lane. There are no vehicles in the left lane, and no vehicles in the left turn lane. When the light changes, all 10 vehicles ahead of me proceed straight on. None (nun) of them turn right. I am the only one that turns right. Jesus! Hades, damnation, eternal, everlasting torment to them. Goodness!
Cycling provides further keen insight into the habits of the habitual right lane driver type of asshole. There I go. Pedaling furiously against the wind, heading east on the Hwy 71 feeder street. A miserable Jap car sweeps up beside me, honking furiously. Yes. I am crowded over, next to the corner, dodging the flotsam and jetsam road trash, and I get honked at by a habitual right lane driver. That's right. That stinking whoreson had three lanes to choose from on that particular stretch of empty frontage road. So he needs to honk at the cyclist.
This is exactly why I need to start carrying again. Especially now that carrying is acceptable.
posted by ray pistrum at Wednesday, November 30, 2016
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