Potential Safety Topic - environmental hazard -Freezin' Yer Brain

Christmas Bird Account

So here's an important Potential Safety Topic - environmental hazard - Freezin' Yer Brain for the Druidry in these parts.

You really can get so cold that you absolutely lose all conception of rational behavior. Even I, Crumby Ovate totally lost it on a boat ride Monday. I forgot to take warm clothes and nearly froze my noggin, but mostly I froze my feet and legs and genitals. Those diverse parts of me were so cold for an undetermined time that I lost rationality. All I wanted or cared about or could think about was getting warm. Even ladies falling in the water while they were trying to get in the boat failed to rouse me from my frozen torpor. I didn't even consider their plight. I couldn't because I was too cold to think about anything but being warm myself. That's all I wanted, was to be warm. But I was so cold and the circumstances seemed so hopeless that all I could do was shiver uncontrollably. Now sitting here where I'm fairly warm with a delicious mug of Chock Full O' Nuts instant coffee, as you can see for yourself, by reading this spell, I am restored to normal functionality, maybe.

These are the garments I had on Monday at the crack of dawn boarding that boat with a freezing cold 20 mph wind blowing from the north. A green wool jacket, a green cotton sweater, a green T-shirt; so far so good, but, Rustlers, Fruit O' the Loomies, cotton dress socks and boots were all that were on my down side. The photograph to the immediate east of this text illustrates those particular garments that adorned my down side. The ones on the north side are the ones that adorned me when I boarded that boat. The ones on the south side are the ones that saved me, along with a blue hat one of the ladies loaned me. I had to give that hat back, so it is not pictured.

As is clearly indicated above I was too cold to do anything except shiver the whole time I was on that boat. But some of the ladies got off the boat and walked around on land for awhile as I rode freezing on the boat. When we stopped the boat to pick the ladies up and put them back in the boat, two of the ladies fell in the river and their Wellies filled up with water. I was only barely concious of this event because I was so cold it had no significance, to me. Then when the wet cold ladies were all aboard we zoomed off in the boat again to the other side of the river where a van was parked and that van had a heater. So everyone got out of the boat and I went and sat in that van with the heater running and after about 10 minutes I began to think again, but mostly all I thought about was how cold I had just been and how I should not be cold any more that day. Then we had to go get gas for the van because it was nearly out of gas and everyone, especially me, thought it would be a good idea to get some coffee. So I was driven up to a gas station where I planned to lock the keys in the van so I could stay at the gas station for a few hours. But I couldn't pull that off because I was still not thinking clearly.

But then I thought clearly, epiphany like, perhaps this gas station has some garments I could purchase. And sure enough it did. Those green pants only cost $3.99 and the socks were only $1.00. Once I had those on in additon to my other garments, I was warm enough and rationality returned, to me.

So here's an important safety message for all the Druidry in these parts. If its really cold and windy outside and yer going to ride around in a motor boat, be sure to have on plenty of warm clothes. Do this even if you think you have lost your wallet, maybe, while you are packing up for the trip. Cause if you get too cold, you won't be able to think.

Get yourself some of those green pants. They are reasonably priced, a nice color and very warm.