Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes - Cetus, Your Personal Ancestor?
Crumby! Crumby! Crumby Ovate! Wake Up! Rouse yourself from suckling upon that Ample Bosom!
Whoa! What's happening Lleu Llaw? Are the evil doers attacking me? Where's my dang assault rifle? Here it is!
No, no, no, Crumby. Calm yourself. But not too much. For I have exciting news. I have located a marvel, no less than a hideous leg, belonging to Cetus the amphibian or walking catfish or some monstrous intergrade of amphibian or catfish unknown to science.
Whoa! Bang!
Yikes! Mooooooooooooo!
Ooops. I need to remember to keep the dang safety on. Is anybody shot? Lleu Llaw, are you shot? Are any of you cows, shot?
Some time elapses. During the elapsed time, Crumby the Ovate determines that nobody is, shot. Accidentally, Praise the Goddess.
I'm real sorry about that Lleu Llaw. Uh, oh. Here comes Rayetta.
Crumby Ovate! You are fixing to catch Hell right now!
Crumby Ovate! You better not have shot my cows!
No, no, no, Rayetta! I am entirely innocent! None of the cows got shot! Owwww! What did you do that for Rayetta?
Look at the poor things. They're scared to death. Even Luciferetta is scared to death. Now I shall have to stay out here with them til they calm down. Crumby! You have interrupted my busy schedule and now I have to stay out here and keep the cows calm. What do you have to say for yourself?
Owww! Stop boxing my ears around Rayetta! Owww!
Is that all you have to say for yourself?
I am entirely innocent Rayetta! Owww!
Stop that hollering Crumby! You're liable to stampede the cows!
Then stop boxing me, Rayetta!
Goodness! All righty then! What I have to put up with in these parts! Hmmmm. All righty then. I have regained my composure. So Crumby, what's all the shootin' about?
Er. Someone forgot to put the safety on my assault rifle.
Crumby! Stop that Mammonite Christian double talk or you will get a real ear boxing this minute!
Owwww! Yepper, it was me, Crumby, that forgot to put the safety on, Lovely Druidess Rayetta.
There that's better. See, that's the way a Druid fesses up. Don't you feel better now?
Yepper, I do fell better now, Lovely Druidess Rayetta.
All righty then. What else are you boys up to besides shooting the place up and scaring my poor cows half to death?
Lovely Druidess Rayetta, I, Lleu Llaw Guffes, Lion of the Steady Hand, have beheld one of the terrible huge legs of the great monster of unknown taxonomy, Cetus.
Hmmm. All righty then, since I have to stay our here in the stygian darkness anyway, to keep the cows from galloping around, I may as well listen up. Say more regarding this phenomenal one-legged monster, Lleu Llaw. On the other hand, Crumby, you keep quiet and give me that carbine.
Yes maam.
So then, Lleu Llaw Guffes, Lion of the Steady Hand told the Lovely Druidess Rayetta all that Lleu Llaw and Crumby had discovered in their long study of the creature, Cetus, that very same horrid creature that had almost eaten the naked Andromeda, raw. Crumby, meantime, reflected upon his Druid Training, and fear of another ear boxing, and so reflecting, kept, quiet.
Hmmm. That is all very interesting Lleu Llaw. So you have established that the monster, this Cetus, is capable of swimming about like a fish, but also has the capacity for life on land, no matter how strenuous a terrestrial existence might be, for it.
That is correct, Lovely Druidess Rayetta.
Hmmm. Have you boys thought on the possibility that Cetus could be the veritable ancestor of many of those about us in the environment these days, particularly those faunching around in the US Senate?
No! We have not progressed so far in our thoughts, Lovely Druidess Rayetta.
Course not. But I, the Lovely Druidess Rayetta have, just now. My hypothesis is that this hideous creature, Cetus, is the very Holostean beast that crept landward and eventually spawned Senator Cornyn and Senator Allen among others. What poor unfortunate maiden, sidling near the sea, was suddenly violated by this slimy beast? No, no, no. That is too ridiculous for contemplation. Violation by, at most, a hemi-penis, ridiculous! Besides, there wouldn’t have been any maidens sidling around back then anyway. The time I am considering is long prior to sidling maidens. No, the beast must be parthenogenic, or capable of some ghastly form of self-fertilization. And its offspring, continually dividng themselves like amoebas, have eventually evolved into the horrid little US senators, Allen and Cornyn. What do you boys think about that hypothesis?
I, Lleu Llaw Guffes, support that hypothesis, unreservedly, Lovely Druidess Rayetta.
What about you Crumby?
Are you sure I may I speak up, Rayetta?
Yepper.
Then me too. I, Crumby, agree too, unreservedly. Can I have my carbine back?
No!
Whoa! What's happening Lleu Llaw? Are the evil doers attacking me? Where's my dang assault rifle? Here it is!
No, no, no, Crumby. Calm yourself. But not too much. For I have exciting news. I have located a marvel, no less than a hideous leg, belonging to Cetus the amphibian or walking catfish or some monstrous intergrade of amphibian or catfish unknown to science.
Whoa! Bang!
Yikes! Mooooooooooooo!
Ooops. I need to remember to keep the dang safety on. Is anybody shot? Lleu Llaw, are you shot? Are any of you cows, shot?
Some time elapses. During the elapsed time, Crumby the Ovate determines that nobody is, shot. Accidentally, Praise the Goddess.
I'm real sorry about that Lleu Llaw. Uh, oh. Here comes Rayetta.
Crumby Ovate! You are fixing to catch Hell right now!
Crumby Ovate! You better not have shot my cows!
No, no, no, Rayetta! I am entirely innocent! None of the cows got shot! Owwww! What did you do that for Rayetta?
Look at the poor things. They're scared to death. Even Luciferetta is scared to death. Now I shall have to stay out here with them til they calm down. Crumby! You have interrupted my busy schedule and now I have to stay out here and keep the cows calm. What do you have to say for yourself?
Owww! Stop boxing my ears around Rayetta! Owww!
Is that all you have to say for yourself?
I am entirely innocent Rayetta! Owww!
Stop that hollering Crumby! You're liable to stampede the cows!
Then stop boxing me, Rayetta!
Goodness! All righty then! What I have to put up with in these parts! Hmmmm. All righty then. I have regained my composure. So Crumby, what's all the shootin' about?
Er. Someone forgot to put the safety on my assault rifle.
Crumby! Stop that Mammonite Christian double talk or you will get a real ear boxing this minute!
Owwww! Yepper, it was me, Crumby, that forgot to put the safety on, Lovely Druidess Rayetta.
There that's better. See, that's the way a Druid fesses up. Don't you feel better now?
Yepper, I do fell better now, Lovely Druidess Rayetta.
All righty then. What else are you boys up to besides shooting the place up and scaring my poor cows half to death?
Lovely Druidess Rayetta, I, Lleu Llaw Guffes, Lion of the Steady Hand, have beheld one of the terrible huge legs of the great monster of unknown taxonomy, Cetus.
Hmmm. All righty then, since I have to stay our here in the stygian darkness anyway, to keep the cows from galloping around, I may as well listen up. Say more regarding this phenomenal one-legged monster, Lleu Llaw. On the other hand, Crumby, you keep quiet and give me that carbine.
Yes maam.
So then, Lleu Llaw Guffes, Lion of the Steady Hand told the Lovely Druidess Rayetta all that Lleu Llaw and Crumby had discovered in their long study of the creature, Cetus, that very same horrid creature that had almost eaten the naked Andromeda, raw. Crumby, meantime, reflected upon his Druid Training, and fear of another ear boxing, and so reflecting, kept, quiet.
Hmmm. That is all very interesting Lleu Llaw. So you have established that the monster, this Cetus, is capable of swimming about like a fish, but also has the capacity for life on land, no matter how strenuous a terrestrial existence might be, for it.
That is correct, Lovely Druidess Rayetta.
Hmmm. Have you boys thought on the possibility that Cetus could be the veritable ancestor of many of those about us in the environment these days, particularly those faunching around in the US Senate?
No! We have not progressed so far in our thoughts, Lovely Druidess Rayetta.
Course not. But I, the Lovely Druidess Rayetta have, just now. My hypothesis is that this hideous creature, Cetus, is the very Holostean beast that crept landward and eventually spawned Senator Cornyn and Senator Allen among others. What poor unfortunate maiden, sidling near the sea, was suddenly violated by this slimy beast? No, no, no. That is too ridiculous for contemplation. Violation by, at most, a hemi-penis, ridiculous! Besides, there wouldn’t have been any maidens sidling around back then anyway. The time I am considering is long prior to sidling maidens. No, the beast must be parthenogenic, or capable of some ghastly form of self-fertilization. And its offspring, continually dividng themselves like amoebas, have eventually evolved into the horrid little US senators, Allen and Cornyn. What do you boys think about that hypothesis?
I, Lleu Llaw Guffes, support that hypothesis, unreservedly, Lovely Druidess Rayetta.
What about you Crumby?
Are you sure I may I speak up, Rayetta?
Yepper.
Then me too. I, Crumby, agree too, unreservedly. Can I have my carbine back?
No!
posted by ray pistrum at Sunday, September 17, 2006
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