Ray’s Rainfall Update Plus Crumby Lectures on Orthoptera
Yesterday, the CB enjoyed scanty showers that put 0.08" into the trusty gauge, enough to drown one hover fly. The new total is 42.86" + 0.08" = 42.93". Praise the Goddess! Hold it! I have visitors, none other than my bosom companion, Crumby the Ovate, plus Crumby’s faithful batman, Lleu Llaw Guffes, Lion of the Steady Hand. Whut’s happenin’, dudes?
Ray, my bosom companion plus incomparable Sun God Trainee, the twain of us, both myself, and Lleu Llaw here, have arrived at the venue so that all three of us may learn somewhat of a methodology for application to the CB grasshoppers, only excluding the nasty crickets. But before I address all that, did you know Ray, that the Unification Church Mammonites, also known to the vulgar as Moonies, have a Sun God Trainee secreted away somewhere on our tiny yet perilous globe?
Yepper. I know that, Crumby.
Er. All righty then. Let’s proceed with the Orthopterans then, minus the nasty crickets. There are many grave perils associated with the study of grasshoppers. For example, suppose the katydid one is desiring to examine is already captured by a giant spider, its noggin eaten down to the bone, or whatever, maybe the trachea. What do you do then? Easy that, one has to look around for a similar katydid somewhere else.
Then there is the problem of identifying the grasshopper or katydid to some satisfactory taxonomic level. For such to occur, satisfactory identification that is, the subject of interest must somehow be apprehended for a timely yet safety wise interval. We shall dub this process catch and release. Everybody needs to be aware that catch and release is a Potential Safety Topic - Environmental Hazard. Briefly, one does not want any harm to come to the captured, lest the Lovely Druidess get wind that one is torturing or murdering hapless grasshoppers for sport. Also, some of the katydids are vicious biters so one does not want the tables to get turned on one and have to seek first aid for a savage katydid bite. Penultimately, the grasshoppers are likely to spit in yer eye. So one has to watch out for that too. Uh! Ray, one of those grasshoppers kicked paydirt in yer face once, right?
That is correct, Crumby.
OK. So that is yet another dangerous situation one has to watch out for. So now we have fairly covered most of the safety subtopics associated with this endeavor. Yet the question remains, how the heck do we identify these vermin to a satisfactory taxonomic status. Recently, Lleu Llaw got a tome for his birthday. All of us need to study up on that tome. That tome may partially facilitate our desired understanding of some taxonomic level or other. Yet many of these Vegan or omnivorous vermin habitating at the CB may not be in included in that tome. So once we have safely apprehended a subject vermin we may have to take lots of pictures of its different parts, especially its wee-wee parts. Then, later on, perhaps the WG shall send us an epiphany or two so that eventually we may come to understand what kind of vermin we are actually dealing with.
That is our methodology. Is all that understood, Ray?
Yepper.
How about you, Lleu Llaw, do you understand all that?
Yepper.
All righty then. Now which one of you twain is going out to round us up a grasshopper?
Ray, my bosom companion plus incomparable Sun God Trainee, the twain of us, both myself, and Lleu Llaw here, have arrived at the venue so that all three of us may learn somewhat of a methodology for application to the CB grasshoppers, only excluding the nasty crickets. But before I address all that, did you know Ray, that the Unification Church Mammonites, also known to the vulgar as Moonies, have a Sun God Trainee secreted away somewhere on our tiny yet perilous globe?
Yepper. I know that, Crumby.
Er. All righty then. Let’s proceed with the Orthopterans then, minus the nasty crickets. There are many grave perils associated with the study of grasshoppers. For example, suppose the katydid one is desiring to examine is already captured by a giant spider, its noggin eaten down to the bone, or whatever, maybe the trachea. What do you do then? Easy that, one has to look around for a similar katydid somewhere else. Then there is the problem of identifying the grasshopper or katydid to some satisfactory taxonomic level. For such to occur, satisfactory identification that is, the subject of interest must somehow be apprehended for a timely yet safety wise interval. We shall dub this process catch and release. Everybody needs to be aware that catch and release is a Potential Safety Topic - Environmental Hazard. Briefly, one does not want any harm to come to the captured, lest the Lovely Druidess get wind that one is torturing or murdering hapless grasshoppers for sport. Also, some of the katydids are vicious biters so one does not want the tables to get turned on one and have to seek first aid for a savage katydid bite. Penultimately, the grasshoppers are likely to spit in yer eye. So one has to watch out for that too. Uh! Ray, one of those grasshoppers kicked paydirt in yer face once, right?
That is correct, Crumby.
OK. So that is yet another dangerous situation one has to watch out for. So now we have fairly covered most of the safety subtopics associated with this endeavor. Yet the question remains, how the heck do we identify these vermin to a satisfactory taxonomic status. Recently, Lleu Llaw got a tome for his birthday. All of us need to study up on that tome. That tome may partially facilitate our desired understanding of some taxonomic level or other. Yet many of these Vegan or omnivorous vermin habitating at the CB may not be in included in that tome. So once we have safely apprehended a subject vermin we may have to take lots of pictures of its different parts, especially its wee-wee parts. Then, later on, perhaps the WG shall send us an epiphany or two so that eventually we may come to understand what kind of vermin we are actually dealing with.
That is our methodology. Is all that understood, Ray?
Yepper.
How about you, Lleu Llaw, do you understand all that?
Yepper.
All righty then. Now which one of you twain is going out to round us up a grasshopper?
posted by ray pistrum at Sunday, August 19, 2007
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