Magnus the Busboy, Part 3

Part 3

Work in the nighttime, sleep in the daytime, I may not ever get home. The Talking Heads or one of them .

Magnus, you must be tuckered out. Would you like to take a nice nap?

Yes Maam. But I am particular about where I go to sleep. That’s because I am constantly afeared that an evil doer or two may sneak up on me while I am asleep. That’s been my experience, too. At the sacrificial mall boys’s dormitory, some of those Druids encouraged the boys to sneak up on me while I was asleep. So I had to take many precautions lest my sleep get disturbed by all those evil doers that were out to get me. Also, it took a great while to figure out which ones of those Druids were setting those bad boys on me. Yet once I figured all that out, gradually, I also figured out what treats those wicked Druids and bad boys liked most.

Simultaneously, One of the Druids, a nice one, that never snuck up on me or allowed the other boys to pick on me, used to recite his memories to me for practice. That old guy knew all about poison, what those poisons were good for and such. In particular, he memorized all manner of useful information pertinent to the various easily collectable poisonous herbs or various parts of the various other plants besides herbs, plus fungi.

Yep. I learned quite a bit. The only trouble was, even though I knew all the poisonous plants and what they looked like and their various habitations, I didn’t know where to go find them, handily. Plus, my child labor chores occupied a great deal of my time, leaving scanty opportunity to botanize for poisonous plants. Yet,

My Goodness Magnus, are you fixing to confess to poisoning Druids and innocent little boys?

Yes Maam. However, those boys were not innocent. Soon as they were fixing to sneak up on me, those boys lost their innocence forever.

Well I’ll swan, Magnus, I have taken a serpent to my breast, metaphorically speaking. Twrch Trwyth, did you know that Magnus is apt to poison us all?

No WG, I had no idea. Mercy! On the other hand, a pig such as myself is not easy to poison. Some might even argue that a pig such as myself is impossible to poison. So it is likely I would be spared. Poisons are of little concern to me, since they are generally edible, just like everything else.

Well I’ll swan. Hmmm. All righty, Magnus, I certainly do not want you to feel like anyone is sneaking up on you while you are taking your nap. You might poison the entire household.

He’s lying Granny. I bet he never poisoned so much as an ant. He’s just a baby

No I aint. Dang it, Blodeuwedd. I did too poison a great many Druids and innocent little boys, three of each, maybe. That bunch shall never trouble me again.

Sure you did, Magnus. I bet that’s what you wanted to do, but you were too much of little baby. So you made up all these lies to comfort yourself. That’s what I bet.

Lucky for you, Blodeuwedd, you are a dang girl. Else you would not get away with your mean taunts, dang it, boo-hoo-hoo.

Yes, it is true. Magnus, worn to a frazzle from his adventures, needed a nap. Exhausted from lack of a nap, confused by this strange new environment, fretful over getting all his blood sucked out; aggravated by the relentless taunts; all these factors bore down on Magnus. Magnus broke down, sobbing uncontrollably.

I can’t take it. Boo-hoo-hoo. I can’t take it. Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Then everyone felt sorry for Magnus. Cerridwen felt sorry. Twrch Trwyth felt sorry. Arianrhod, mopping up behind the bar, felt sorry. Even Blodeuwedd felt sorry. Blodeuwedd also felt, vindicated.

See Granny.

Stop that Blodeuwedd.

Yes Granny.

Land sakes! There there Magnus. Come here. There there.

The WG reached over with her big flabby arms. Plucking Magnus forth She set him on Her lap, clutching his miserable noggin to Her Ample Bosoms. There there Magnus.

Yes. For the first time, ever, Magnus got clasped to the Ample Bosoms. Anon, after approximately four minutes of uncontrollable sobbing punctuated by ear splitting yowls, Magnus quieted down. By then, after four minutes of unendurable yowling, everyone, especially Blodeuwedd, felt a good deal less sorry for Magnus than they had in the first place. But then, once he quieted down, everyone felt sorry for him again. Then, when he conked out, partly from oxygen deficit, still pressed against the Ample Bosoms, everyone felt relieved of all that sorrow.

There there Magnus. Hmmm. Well, he’s conked out. What shall we do with him? He may be too precocious to keep. Twrch Trwyth, since you have chosen to burden me with Magnus, you shall be his watch pig. Matter of fact, he shall bunk with you. That way you can make sure he does not feel like he is being snuck up on. I can’t have him poisoning the lot of us.

So it was decided. Arianrhod, take Magnus.

Yes Mama.

Now everybody, let’s head on over to Twrch Trwyth’s sty. We shall fix it up the way a little boy might like it.

Off they all went.

First they swept away the straw from one of the corners of the sty. Then they moved in a little bed for Magnus and made that up so Arianrhod could put Magnus in the bed. Then they argued about what a little boy might like for bedroom accouterments. But three ladies and a pig didn’t know much about that so they wisely decided to let Magnus decorate his corner of the sty himself, after his nap.

Magnus napped and napped. During all that long nap, nobody snuck up on Magnus. Day turned to night. Night turned to day. Still Magnus napped. At last though, Magnus awoke in his own little bed in his own pig sty. Where the heck am I now?

You are in my sty, Magnus. We are bunkmates, you and I, by the will of the Blessed WG. I have been guarding you, by the will of the WG, to make sure nobody snuck up on you.

Aren’t sties supposed to be outside?

Normally that is the case, but here at the WG’s place, I am a house pig. So my sty is inside. I get to stay with the people. Therefore, so do you.

Oh man. Mercy on me. I remember. I started crying like a baby. Then the WG grabbed me. I must have passed out after that. Mercy. I seem to be OK though. They didn’t suck my blood out did they? That mean gal hasn’t been sneaking up, has she?

No Magnus. No one has snuck up on you. No one has sucked your blood. Are you rested up now?

Yepper. I am rested up, maybe. What do I do now?

Well Magnus, I suspect the WG will want you to start earning your keep. Remember, She needs you to bus tables. You shall start this very evening, the night shift, six til two. But first, let’s go find something to eat.

OK. But first I need to do my ablutions

Once Magnus finished his ablutions, off they went, foraging.

Thus began, finally, Magnus’s career option as busboy at the WG Bar and Grill.

What does a busboy do besides operate that great wheelbarrow, Twrch Trwyth?

Duties as assigned, Magnus, duties as assigned.