Magnus the Busboy, Part I
Moon pies come from Chatanooga.
They do! Well, I am ready for some pie. No moon pie though. I shall have the cherry pie, but only if it’s tart, not too sweet.
Let me check on the cherry pie for you, Magnus. Arianrhod, honey, is the cherry pie sweet, or tart tonight?
It’s tart Mama.
Well then, bring Magnus a cherry pie. Would you like ice cream or cheese with your cherry pie, Magnus?
No Maam. Just the pie. Dairy products disagree with me.
While Magnus trenchered along on his cherry pie, Cerridwen, the senior most of the Triplet Goddess, explained to Magnus the various chores he was expected to perform in lieu of payment for his keep.
Now Magnus, busing tables at the WG Bar and Grill is really easy. That’s because all the drink, food, plates, bowls, cups, glasses, mugs, forks, knives, spoons, napkins and menus, once they have been used, turn into pig chow. So all you have to do is collect everything once a paying customer is done with whatever and dump it into Twrch Trwyth’s trough.
Yeah but, how am I supposed to tote it all over to the trough?
Easy that Magnus. You shall tote it over in a wheel barrow. Just mosey around with the wheel barrow and collect the stuff. Then once you get a load, dump it in the trough. Blodeuwedd, sugar, bring Magnus a wheel barrow.
Yes Granny.
Now Magnus, you may not be big enough to operate a wheel barrow by yourself. If you are too little to operate the wheel barrow by yourself, we may have to find some other use for you.
I knew it. I knew it. If I am too little to operate this wheel barrow, you are fixing to suck my blood after all.
No Magnus. For the last time, we are not fixing to suck your blood. Hmmm. OK Magnus, we may be fixing to suck your blood. But only if you utter the spell, fixing to suck my blood, once more. That’s right Magnus, if you speak the words, fixing to suck my blood, once more, even under your breath, then we shall suck your blood out, every last drop. And after all your blood is sucked totally out of you, you shall be loaded into a wheel barrow and dumped in the pig trough.
Mercy! OK. Maybe you are not, fixing to, uh. OK. But you may know yourself Maam that a boy such as myself that has been up for quite a spell and had a good many adventures and only one decent meal in all that time, may require a nap before he can do much in the way of wheelbarrow wheeling or barrowing.
That’s right Magnus, I know that myself, because I am the WG and I know everything. So once we espy whether you can operate the wheel barrow by yourself, you may go take a nice nap. But first things first. Here’s Bloudewedd with the wheelbarrow. Magnus, have you ever operated a wheelbarrow?
No Maam. But if your grand daughter can operate a wheel barrow, I certainly can.
No you can’t. You’re just a baby. You probably never even saw a wheel barrow before right now.
Yes I did. The Druids have wheel barrows over at the sacrificial mall just like this one. Only the Druid wheelbarrows are much bigger than this measly wheelbarrow. The Druid wheel barrows are maybe twice as big as this one. Then one time one of the Druids exclaimed, My back is killing me. One of you boys get on this wheel barrow. So then I climbed onto the wheel barrow like the Druid spelled me too and he gave me a nice ride around. I never understood how that ride comforted his back though.
See Granny. He’s just a baby and a terrible liar to boot. I bet he can’t operate this wheel barrow, ever. I bet if I got in this wheelbarrow, this baby could not roll it along so much as a cubit.
I bet I could. I bet I could roll you over and dump you in yonder trough next to where the pig is.
Then do it. Here I go. I’m getting in. Now roll me on over. Ha!
But I aint finished my pie.
See Granny. Magnus is just a baby, a little cherry pie sucking baby.
Bloeuwedd’s taunt infuriated Magnus.
I aint sucking on my pie. I am having my pie for dessert. Yet even though I may starve, I shall give up on my cherry pie for the time being just to show you a thing or two. You are a dang mean gal to taunt me so.
I am only mean to lying little babies like you, Magnus.
Dern it! Are you fixing to let your grand daughter taunt me so, Maam, before I finish my pie?
They do! Well, I am ready for some pie. No moon pie though. I shall have the cherry pie, but only if it’s tart, not too sweet.
Let me check on the cherry pie for you, Magnus. Arianrhod, honey, is the cherry pie sweet, or tart tonight?
It’s tart Mama.
Well then, bring Magnus a cherry pie. Would you like ice cream or cheese with your cherry pie, Magnus?
No Maam. Just the pie. Dairy products disagree with me.
While Magnus trenchered along on his cherry pie, Cerridwen, the senior most of the Triplet Goddess, explained to Magnus the various chores he was expected to perform in lieu of payment for his keep.
Now Magnus, busing tables at the WG Bar and Grill is really easy. That’s because all the drink, food, plates, bowls, cups, glasses, mugs, forks, knives, spoons, napkins and menus, once they have been used, turn into pig chow. So all you have to do is collect everything once a paying customer is done with whatever and dump it into Twrch Trwyth’s trough.
Yeah but, how am I supposed to tote it all over to the trough?
Easy that Magnus. You shall tote it over in a wheel barrow. Just mosey around with the wheel barrow and collect the stuff. Then once you get a load, dump it in the trough. Blodeuwedd, sugar, bring Magnus a wheel barrow.
Yes Granny.
Now Magnus, you may not be big enough to operate a wheel barrow by yourself. If you are too little to operate the wheel barrow by yourself, we may have to find some other use for you.
I knew it. I knew it. If I am too little to operate this wheel barrow, you are fixing to suck my blood after all.
No Magnus. For the last time, we are not fixing to suck your blood. Hmmm. OK Magnus, we may be fixing to suck your blood. But only if you utter the spell, fixing to suck my blood, once more. That’s right Magnus, if you speak the words, fixing to suck my blood, once more, even under your breath, then we shall suck your blood out, every last drop. And after all your blood is sucked totally out of you, you shall be loaded into a wheel barrow and dumped in the pig trough.
Mercy! OK. Maybe you are not, fixing to, uh. OK. But you may know yourself Maam that a boy such as myself that has been up for quite a spell and had a good many adventures and only one decent meal in all that time, may require a nap before he can do much in the way of wheelbarrow wheeling or barrowing.
That’s right Magnus, I know that myself, because I am the WG and I know everything. So once we espy whether you can operate the wheel barrow by yourself, you may go take a nice nap. But first things first. Here’s Bloudewedd with the wheelbarrow. Magnus, have you ever operated a wheelbarrow?
No Maam. But if your grand daughter can operate a wheel barrow, I certainly can.
No you can’t. You’re just a baby. You probably never even saw a wheel barrow before right now.
Yes I did. The Druids have wheel barrows over at the sacrificial mall just like this one. Only the Druid wheelbarrows are much bigger than this measly wheelbarrow. The Druid wheel barrows are maybe twice as big as this one. Then one time one of the Druids exclaimed, My back is killing me. One of you boys get on this wheel barrow. So then I climbed onto the wheel barrow like the Druid spelled me too and he gave me a nice ride around. I never understood how that ride comforted his back though.
See Granny. He’s just a baby and a terrible liar to boot. I bet he can’t operate this wheel barrow, ever. I bet if I got in this wheelbarrow, this baby could not roll it along so much as a cubit.
I bet I could. I bet I could roll you over and dump you in yonder trough next to where the pig is.
Then do it. Here I go. I’m getting in. Now roll me on over. Ha!
But I aint finished my pie.
See Granny. Magnus is just a baby, a little cherry pie sucking baby.
Bloeuwedd’s taunt infuriated Magnus.
I aint sucking on my pie. I am having my pie for dessert. Yet even though I may starve, I shall give up on my cherry pie for the time being just to show you a thing or two. You are a dang mean gal to taunt me so.
I am only mean to lying little babies like you, Magnus.
Dern it! Are you fixing to let your grand daughter taunt me so, Maam, before I finish my pie?
posted by ray pistrum at Wednesday, January 09, 2008
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