Magnus the Busboy, Part 4
Part 4
Anon, Magnus settled into a routine. He was busboy from 6 pm til 2 am. He got to sleep from 2 am til 10 am. From 10 am til 6 pm he got to fool around.
Magnus liked this arrangement. For one thing, he had lots more time to fool around than he ever had at the sacrificial mall. Those Druids were cruel taskmasters. Then too, he had a talking pig for company. Not only that, when Magnus and Twrch Trwyth went outside, clear of the porch, the pig assumed his normal outdoor size. So nobody, and I mean nobody ever pestered Magnus when he was out with his pig as big as four double wides. Then too, the ladies were all very nice to Magnus, mostly. Except that dang Blodeuwedd taunted him sometimes. Then Magnus would get aggravated. But since Magnus was hopelessly in love with Blodeuwedd, he put up with the taunting.
Why are you pouting, Magnus?
That dang grand daughter of yours has been taunting me again, Maam.
Blodeuwedd, have you been taunting Magnus?
Yes Granny, I have. I just can’t seem to help myself. I am truly sorry, but he is just a lot of fun to taunt. He is such a pipsqueak.
So it went. Usually though, even Blodeuwedd was nice to Magnus, unless he got too big for his britches.
Magnus liked his job too. That is because the paying customers were way interesting, at least as interesting as Druids, and way less demanding than Druids.
A typical night’s work for Magnus went thusly. First he would report for duty. There all the ladies would be at the bar. Mercy, they would be all dressed up in their natural appearances, almost too beautiful to behold. Then Arianrhod would take Magnus in hand, directing him to and fro, on little tasks that needed doing in the dining area before the paying customers arrived. Magnus would hustle about, wiping, sweeping, mopping, toting. Then after all that, Magnus got the chairs off the tables. Once those chairs were all arranged, Magnus got out the place settings for the tables, that some call bibs, and put out one bib for each chair. Then Magnus got to check the game appliances in the gaming area for slobber. If there was any slobber on the various games, Magnus wiped that slobber up. Then Magnus got to rest, awaiting the arrival of the first paying customers.
Anon, here they came, drawn to the WG Bar and Grill, the hungry, the thirsty, the lonely. Here they came.
Giants, ogres, hump backs, black men, green men, midgets etc., of every description and possible kind lurked at every table or played at every game. Lady giants, lady orges, lady humpbacks, black ladies, green ladies, lady midgets etc., of every kind and description did too. Occasionally a wild succubus came in.
Magnus was very busy. All the mess they all made had to go in Twrch Trwyth’s trough. Magnus! Where’s Magnus? Cleanup on number nine Magnus. On a busy night, Magnus was a whirlwind of activity. But on slow nights Magnus got to visit with the paying customers.
Come hither young Magnus.
Yes sir.
Do ye espy this hump?
Yes sir.
How would ye like to have a hump such as this betwixt yer shoulders? A great heavy burden it might be to ye, always itching.
Yes sir.
I shall give ye a silver dollar if ye scratch me hump.
Yes sir.
So then Magnus would scratch the hump. Magnus, after he got the hang of his new job, always carried a rake for scratching the hump backs. But Magnus had to share the silver dollars with the WG ladies, on account of the WG provided the special hump back scratching rake. Even so, it’s good luck to scratch a hump. You get a silver dollar.
All the paying customers told lies too.
There I was, a lonely young giant, lost in the woods, with only a woodchuck for company. When suddenly, up galloped an army of knights in shining armor. There must have been upwards of a tousand or maybe two tousand of those ferocious, glittering knights. All those knights had on the latest armor and even their horses had on the latest armor. Plus, every last one of those knights was a Sun God Trainee, and, maybe a score of them were fixing to matriculate at any moment. All that was needed was a hideous great giant like me. Then the matriculation process might proceed. Mercy on me! I did not want to be the miserable giant that foisted another Sun God up the wazoo of an unsuspecting universe. But what was I to do?
What the heck did you do, sir?
The woodchuck saved me. I had been wondering about that woodchuck. Why is that woodchuck following me? But I now understand that the Blessed WG sent that woodchuck to be my companion for just such an occasion, attacked by hoards of glittering knights on horseback.
What the heck did the woodchuck do to save you, sir?
Guess Magnus.
Uh. Chucked wood?
Correct. That’s a good boy. Here’s a silver dollar fer ye.
So it went.
Many have wondered, considering the evil reputations of the WG Bar and Grill clientele, why so few actual fights ever broke out. Why were there no fist fights, razor fights, gun fights, snuff fights or napkin dispenser fights?
Well, that’s because all that folk are respectful of the WG. Yet also, Twrch Trwyth is the bouncer. Nobody wants to step outside with Twrch Trwyth.
Closing time. Easy that. Pick up the loose change. Leave the rest.
Anon, Magnus settled into a routine. He was busboy from 6 pm til 2 am. He got to sleep from 2 am til 10 am. From 10 am til 6 pm he got to fool around.
Magnus liked this arrangement. For one thing, he had lots more time to fool around than he ever had at the sacrificial mall. Those Druids were cruel taskmasters. Then too, he had a talking pig for company. Not only that, when Magnus and Twrch Trwyth went outside, clear of the porch, the pig assumed his normal outdoor size. So nobody, and I mean nobody ever pestered Magnus when he was out with his pig as big as four double wides. Then too, the ladies were all very nice to Magnus, mostly. Except that dang Blodeuwedd taunted him sometimes. Then Magnus would get aggravated. But since Magnus was hopelessly in love with Blodeuwedd, he put up with the taunting.
Why are you pouting, Magnus?
That dang grand daughter of yours has been taunting me again, Maam.
Blodeuwedd, have you been taunting Magnus?
Yes Granny, I have. I just can’t seem to help myself. I am truly sorry, but he is just a lot of fun to taunt. He is such a pipsqueak.
So it went. Usually though, even Blodeuwedd was nice to Magnus, unless he got too big for his britches.
Magnus liked his job too. That is because the paying customers were way interesting, at least as interesting as Druids, and way less demanding than Druids.
A typical night’s work for Magnus went thusly. First he would report for duty. There all the ladies would be at the bar. Mercy, they would be all dressed up in their natural appearances, almost too beautiful to behold. Then Arianrhod would take Magnus in hand, directing him to and fro, on little tasks that needed doing in the dining area before the paying customers arrived. Magnus would hustle about, wiping, sweeping, mopping, toting. Then after all that, Magnus got the chairs off the tables. Once those chairs were all arranged, Magnus got out the place settings for the tables, that some call bibs, and put out one bib for each chair. Then Magnus got to check the game appliances in the gaming area for slobber. If there was any slobber on the various games, Magnus wiped that slobber up. Then Magnus got to rest, awaiting the arrival of the first paying customers.
Anon, here they came, drawn to the WG Bar and Grill, the hungry, the thirsty, the lonely. Here they came.
Giants, ogres, hump backs, black men, green men, midgets etc., of every description and possible kind lurked at every table or played at every game. Lady giants, lady orges, lady humpbacks, black ladies, green ladies, lady midgets etc., of every kind and description did too. Occasionally a wild succubus came in.
Magnus was very busy. All the mess they all made had to go in Twrch Trwyth’s trough. Magnus! Where’s Magnus? Cleanup on number nine Magnus. On a busy night, Magnus was a whirlwind of activity. But on slow nights Magnus got to visit with the paying customers.
Come hither young Magnus.
Yes sir.
Do ye espy this hump?
Yes sir.
How would ye like to have a hump such as this betwixt yer shoulders? A great heavy burden it might be to ye, always itching.
Yes sir.
I shall give ye a silver dollar if ye scratch me hump.
Yes sir.
So then Magnus would scratch the hump. Magnus, after he got the hang of his new job, always carried a rake for scratching the hump backs. But Magnus had to share the silver dollars with the WG ladies, on account of the WG provided the special hump back scratching rake. Even so, it’s good luck to scratch a hump. You get a silver dollar.
All the paying customers told lies too.
There I was, a lonely young giant, lost in the woods, with only a woodchuck for company. When suddenly, up galloped an army of knights in shining armor. There must have been upwards of a tousand or maybe two tousand of those ferocious, glittering knights. All those knights had on the latest armor and even their horses had on the latest armor. Plus, every last one of those knights was a Sun God Trainee, and, maybe a score of them were fixing to matriculate at any moment. All that was needed was a hideous great giant like me. Then the matriculation process might proceed. Mercy on me! I did not want to be the miserable giant that foisted another Sun God up the wazoo of an unsuspecting universe. But what was I to do?
What the heck did you do, sir?
The woodchuck saved me. I had been wondering about that woodchuck. Why is that woodchuck following me? But I now understand that the Blessed WG sent that woodchuck to be my companion for just such an occasion, attacked by hoards of glittering knights on horseback.
What the heck did the woodchuck do to save you, sir?
Guess Magnus.
Uh. Chucked wood?
Correct. That’s a good boy. Here’s a silver dollar fer ye.
So it went.
Many have wondered, considering the evil reputations of the WG Bar and Grill clientele, why so few actual fights ever broke out. Why were there no fist fights, razor fights, gun fights, snuff fights or napkin dispenser fights?
Well, that’s because all that folk are respectful of the WG. Yet also, Twrch Trwyth is the bouncer. Nobody wants to step outside with Twrch Trwyth.
Closing time. Easy that. Pick up the loose change. Leave the rest.
posted by ray pistrum at Monday, January 21, 2008
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