Magnus the Busboy, Part 5

Part 5

The globe hurtled along. Over vast distances it hurtled. Time passed too. Our little globe hurtled through space. Time passed. The orbit shifted a millimeter or two, maybe. Change is inevitable.

Then one evening; Magnus you need to mop up the succubus vomit under the Biker Butt Bonanza Video Game.

Yes Ms. Arianrhod. I shall get right on the succubus vomit.

Magnus enjoyed mopping up the succubus vomit. That succubus vomit was interesting. Because, once Magnus got the succubus vomit in the mop bucket, the water in the mop bucket hydrated the soul of the succubus meal and the vinegar in the mop bucket stimulated the soul to relate its last thoughts.

Woe is me. I have betrayed myself, my loving wife, my kiddies, my poor old mother, all my kin, my friends, my casual acquaintances, and fallen into the arms of an alluring succubus. Woe is me. The alluring succubus has sucked out my soul. Where shall my soul go now? Woe is me.

Your soul, sir, is fixing to head over to Twrch Trwyth’s trough. It will be OK, sir, once, it gets mixed in with the creamed corn.

Woe is me. Is that you, Magnus?

Yes sir.

Please Magnus. Take a message to my wife and kiddies. Tell them a succubus got me. But also tell them, it was not my fault. I was entirely minding my own business when that succubus jumped me. Yes. Tell them I did not solicit the succubus. The succubus actually paid me. Hold it! Don’t tell my wife that. She won’t believe that. Woe is me.

Sometimes the soul was more optimistic.

You know Magnus. That succubus is the best thing that ever happened to me. Until I met that succubus, my life was all toil and misery. Everybody picked on me. I never got a break. Nobody liked me. I worked, 24/7 at a dead end job. Nobody appreciated me. Good! I shall remember my few moments of ecstasy with that beautiful succubus forever. Shove the rest.

Magnus! Hurry up with that succubus vomit. The paying customers are fixing to arrive.

Yes Ms. Arianrhod.

Magnus expeditiously emptied his bucket into his wheelbarrow. These days, due to the passage of time, confluent with the globe’s orbital hurtle, Magnus could actually operate the wheelbarrow like a normal person, thumbs anterior on the handles. So Magnus made good progress in the direction of Twrch Trwyth’s trough. As always, Magnus carefully dumped his wheelbarrow, making sure all the ingredients made it into the trough, rather than running down the sides of the trough and onto the floor. Then Magnus gave his wheelbarrow a good hosing and dumped the hosing into to the trough too.

There now. I am all done with the succubus vomit, Ms. Arianrhod.

Then take down the chairs Magnus, and put out the bibs. Haste Magnus, these are not the usual paying customers fixing to arrive. No Magnus. These are unusual paying customers. Haste Magnus.

Yes Ms. Arianrhod.

Magnus forged ahead. Down came the chairs onto the floor. Out went the bibs onto the tables. All set!

Just in the nick of time too. Mercy! Magnus looked around. Yep. There were all the WG ladies, all beautiful. There was Twrch Trwyth, pig handsome. All were at their stations awaiting the unusual paying customers.

But then outside, a great clamour as of the barking of small dogs arose. Puppy dogs, surmised Magnus. Our unusual paying customers are puppy dogs. Blodeuwedd! Let’s go check out the puppy dogs.

You go Magnus. I’m busy.

OK. I shall go see what all the barking is about. Casting a lingering love lorn glance at the beautiful Blodeuwedd, Magnus headed out the crack that served as the front door to the WG Bar and Grill. Out on to the front porch went Magnus.

Whoa! Out in the front yard were approaching three fifties of little white dogs. All those little dogs had red ears. All of those little dogs barked excitedly. All of those little dogs were harnessed up to an all terrain vehicle, a great big cart type conveyance, rolling along on twain tractor tires, making progress toward the front porch of the WG Bar and Grill. In the cart sat elderly Druids, four of them. One of those four appeared to be driving. Whoa, the elderly Druid driver hollered out. Whoa you dogs. Most of the little dogs stopped pulling. The great conveyance slowed. Then the elderly Druid pulled on a mighty handy lever and the rest of the little dogs also stopped. Most of the little dogs sat down. The great conveyance also stopped. Then all the elderly Druids busied themselves with this or that inside the great conveyance. Suddenly a ladder was thrust over the side of the great conveyance.

Then, a great tall ladder lowered, the Druids cast their elderly visages about and espied Magnus. Magnus espied the elderly Druids. The elderly Druids consulted among themselves. The little dogs barked excitedly.

An elderly Druid arose up and cried out. Stop that barking. Most of the little dogs stopped barking. Young man! Help us down. Don’t pet the dogs, either. They bite.

What should I do, Magnus wanted to know.

Hold the ladder.

Magnus, hemi-circling the little dogs, assayed to fetch up next to the ladder.

A Druid, one of the elderly quartet, commenced to climb out of the great conveyance or cart. No easy task that, for all the elderly Druids were encumbered by every consumer audio video device known to mere mortals of that place and time. Yes. Those elderly Druids had telescopes, spotting scopes, binoculars, monoculars, loupes, cameras, recorders, video cams, tripods, monopods, lenses, zooms, booms, flashes, radios, parabolic mirrors, plus various odds and ends. Encumbered those elderly Druids were, so it took awhile for the first Druid to dismount out of the cart since that elderly Druid had to hand off most of his gear to the three elderly Druids in the cart before a safe dismount down the ladder that led from the top of the cart, earthward, might be undertaken.

Once climbed down, the dismounted elderly Druid hollered up to the rest of the elderly Druids, hand me down my gear to this young man. And to Magnus, the elderly Druid counseled, Young man, you need to climb up the ladder so far that you may safely lay a hand on my first piece of gear that those triplet Druids up in the cart conspire to hand you. Then once you have that gear in hand, back down the ladder with that gear, holding firmly to the ladder with your free hand. Then, hand that particular gear off to me. Once I have that gear safely bestowed upon my person, head back up the ladder, retrieve a second piece of my gear, back down the ladder and hand that gear off, also. Yes. We shall proceed even in that fashion until I have all my gear properly disposed upon my person.

Magnus, obligingly, climbed up and down the ladder, receiving a piece of gear on high, handing it off below, awaiting the notification that the gear was safely bestowed upon the elderly Druidic person, then climbing upward again.

Meantime, inside the WG Bar and Grill, Blodeuweed, primping before the mirror behind the bar, wondered aloud, For goodness sakes, those unusual paying customers are taking their own sweet time. Granny, I better go see about those unusual paying customers.

Yes dear. You go see.

Come on Twrch Trwyth. Let’s go see what Magnus and the unusual paying customers are up to.

Out they went, the beautiful Blodeuwedd and the mighty Twrch Trwyth, on to the front porch.

Despite their long journey, now interrupted, a great many of the little dogs were awake and alert. All those awake and alert little dogs started barking when they espied the pig on the porch. That barking woke up the rest of the little dogs. Anon, all three fifties of little dogs were barking. Then, all the elderly Druids began hollering at once. Some hollered, Stop it you dogs, stop that barking. Others hollered, Don’t pet the dogs! They bite! But Magnus’s Druid hollered, Don’t drop my telescope, young man!

Granny, you and Mama need to come out here, Blodeuwedd hollered, joining in the general hollering. There’s like a tousand or maybe two tousand little dogs out here fixing to mix it up with our pig.

Sure enough, every little dog was straining against its harness seeking to move forward, in terms of progress, straining to approach the pig on the porch. Curious they were, biters every one.

Yes. Just as they had been trained to do, all 150 of those terriers strained at the leash, more or less in unison, seeking to meet up with the pig on the porch. Yes. The brake on the great elderly Druid conveyance slipped a notch. Yes. the excited terriers strained forward, seeking yet more progress.

Gran-eeeeeeeeeeeeee!, shrieked the beautiful Blodeuwedd.

Meantime, Magnus and the ladder, reacting to the forward lurch of the great elderly Druid conveyance, toppled over in an equal and opposite direction to the direction the terriers were headed.. So Magnus found himself, an expensive telescope in hand, compelled against his will by the great force of Upup, God of Gravity, earthward.

Fortunately, at that very instant, in the nick of time, the Blessed WG, emerged through the crack on to the front porch. Land sakes! Stop all this nonsense. The Blessed WG commands an instantaneous halt to all this nonsense.

Instantly, at the command of the Blessed WG, time and space froze, locally. That’s how serious the situation was. The WG had to actually freeze time and space out in the front yard to save Magnus and keep the terriers from swarming her pig.