The WG Bar and Grill

As Magnus and Twrch Trwyth traverse those parts at a good pace, headed for the WG Bar and Grill, those twain discuss this and that. Since Magnus and Twrch Trwyth are both omnivorous mammals, they have much in common to discuss as they traverse those parts. Magnus, since he is entirely unfamiliar with those parts, has many questions. Twrch Trwyth has many answers, from a porcine point of view. Yet Twrch Trwyth desires some answers also.

Yes Magnus. Those are oaks. The acorns that fall like sleet from those oaks are delicious. Magnus, why were you wandering like a monkey in the woods, last night?

I had the day off from child labor, so I decided to go exploring. That’s what I did, go exploring. And I found a pretty cool Dolmen. But then the child molesters started pestering me. Yet those child molesters, feared to approach the Dolmen. Then those child molesters tried to lure me down from the Dolmen with promises of candy and bosoms. I was too busy for candy and bosoms. Still those child molesters pestered me. An idiot they dispatched at me. But the idiot wandered this way and that way. Then the child molesters commenced to stone the idiot. So I left.

Off into the woods I scampered. My plan was to get back to the sacrifice mall by sun up. Yet that journey was filled with distractions. My progress was erratic. That was my status when I met up with you, Twrch Trwyth. Now I fret that the Druids shall be put out with me, once those Druids discover I am not available for child labor.

Fret not on that account young Magnus. Once the twain of us get freshened up, anon, the twain of us, both you and me, Magnus, shall make a circuit of these parts. I shall visit with those Druids on your account. We shall see what they have to spell about that, once they espy the twain of us, Magnus.

What about those child molesters, Twrch Trwyth? Shall we visit them on the upcoming circuit of these parts also. Plus you may be interested to visit my Dolmen.

Oh yes, Magnus. We shall certainly pay a visit to those child molesters and your Dolmen. Snort! Here we are, the famous WG Bar and Grill.

Sure enough there they were. To Magnus’ eyes, used to the relative splendor of the sacrifice mall, the WG Bar and Grill seemed a let down, a ramshackle construction, a porch fixed to a hillside, the walls floor and roof of that porch, naught but rough planks, the furniture on that porch, naught but rough planks. Then too, hung from the roof, Magnus espied also a rough plank sign that spelled only, WG Bar and Grill. Nobody was about that porch either. Plus there was lots of junk scattered around the yard. Old cars and such.

Where is everybody, Twrch Trwyth?, questioned Magnus.

Cover your ears Magnus. I shall squeal to the high heavens as a signal to the denizens of our arrival.

Magnus covered his ears. Then Twrch Trwyth let out a squeal to the high heavens such that all the leaves in all those parts shimmied on the branches. So great was that squeal that the branches of the trees also shook. Squirrels upon those branches had to hold on tight to keep balance. One of those squirrels, noticing that the rest of the squirrels were distracted, and simultaneously caught up in a displacement behavior, limb masturbated.

Anon, triplet ladies took shape on the porch. Those triplet ladies appeared thus to Magnus. The lady in the middle was old and bent from the great weight of her twain bosoms. Upup dragged mightily on those old bosoms. Also, two additional ladies stood with the old lady, one at each elbow, assisting the old lady, situated in the middle, betwixt those other twain. One of those twain additional ladies appeared only a little older than Magnus. While the other lady appeared somewhat older. Yet all three ladies were fair to look upon, overlooking the catfish belly skin tones and bloodshot eyes.

Mercy, thought Magnus, those ladies may be fixing to eat me or drink my blood.

Look Granny. Our pig has returned out of the wilderness, just when we surmised he was lost.

Look, Mama. Our pig has a rider, an ugly little boy.

Hep me off the porch!

Anon the twain ladies helped the old lady off the porch so that all triplet of those three ladies were off the porch and out in the yard staring up at Twrch Trwyth and Magnus. Anon, the old lady cried out, Hocus pocus, bigger us.

Magnus was astonished. With that cry, the triplets grew to a great size relative even to the size and general volume of Twrch Trwyth. Mercy, thought Magnus.

The three ladies actually had to bend over to get a good look at Magnus. All three did just that too, bend over. Three great big lady noggins, almost touching, canopied over Magnus, and all three of those triplet ladies closed one eye, so that three great big solitary bloodshot eyes winked at Magnus

Who is this then, little boy?, the old lady wanted to know.

But Magnus could only stammer, Mercy, mercy on me, mercy, mercy, mercy!!!!

Yet Twrch Trwyth spake up for Magnus.

It is Magnus, a little orphan bastard, one of Bran’s, a Flake.

Is it! Well now, I shall take it inside and give it a bath. Meantime, you two give the pig a bath. Then bring him along.

Yes Granny. Yes Mama.

So seizing Magnus by his collar, that some call the scruff of the neck, the old lady about faced. Yet as She about faced and hobbled for the porch, She shrank, so that anon, once the twain of them, both Magnus and the old lady reached the porch, She gradually shrank, or downsized to Her more reasonable former volume.

Hep me up on the porch!

Magnus, straining with might and mane against Upup, hepped the old lady up, on to the porch.

Hep me inside!

Magnus, straining with might and mane, hepped the old lady toward a crack in the hill side wall of the porch.

Hep me over to yonder chair!

Magnus, straining with might and mane, hepped the old lady over to yonder chair.

Hep me get situated!

Magnus, straining with might and mane, hepped the old lady get situated.

Now then Magnus, what do you have to say for yourself?

Huh, huh, huh, huh. Are you fixing to give me a bath, personally? Or was that a figure of speech? Cause I am plenty big enough to give myself a bath. Plus, I shall be embarrassed if you give me a bath. Then too, I shall get about as clean in a private bath, yet lack the probable embarrassment. You are not fixing to drink my blood, once I’m cleaned up, are you? You know that pig is my friend. He is liable to root this place up if you drink my blood.

What a notion, Magnus. How did you come up with that notion? Why would a nice old lady like me, drink your blood?

Yer a witch, aint ye? Witches drink the blood of young boys like me. Everybody knows that.

Hmmm. What makes you think I’m a witch, Magnus?

Bloodshot eyes! Everybody knows a bloodshot eye is an evil eye and an evil eye is the sure sign of a blood swilling witch. Then there’s the hocus pocus. Witches do the hocus pocus. I am surprised that the WG would allow a witch, such as yourself, to greet the customers at this establishment. I bet you have scared off many a paying customer. I sure am hungry. In fact, come to think of it, I’m starving. Nothing to eat lately but a little Nostoc, which , while it has a refreshing, minty taste, does not stick to my ribs. Twrch Trwyth says I get to eat and drink my fill in these parts. Yet here I stand, starving, with naught but a witch that is fixing to drink my blood, for company. Woe is me that I ever set forth. I was better off with the Druids. At least those Druids fed me once in a while.

Hmmm. Well I espy that your friend has had a nice bath, and he, at any rate was not embarrassed by the ministrations of my daughter and grand daughter. Look Magnus! Behold, your friend, the great Twrch Trwyth, Lord of the Pigs.

Magnus turned about to espy the coming of his friend, Twrch Trwyth, just as the evil old witch, foretold. Mercy! There was Twrch Trwyth, shrunk down to the size of agreat boar, maybe 800 pounds, a mere piglet. Plus, those other twain younger ladies, also witches, had bedecked Twrch Trwyth with ribbons and bows. Plus the formerly mighty pig smelled of violets.

Mercy! I am totally betrayed, undone, at the mercy of these witches. Mercy! Soon as I take my bath, these witches shall drink my blood. And that pig shall not help me. How could he? Look at him. He is, a sissy.

Our pig is spruced up, Granny.

Our pig is hungry, Mama.

I sure am. I could amble over to a trough or two, all righty then.

Mercy, thought Magnus. Shall I ever wander into the wilderness, again, unsupervised?

But the old lady hollered out, Then go forth over yonder, my pet. There is one trough, full to the brim with creamed corn, day old dough nuts, moldy bread, peas, carrots, cream gravy, prime gristle of chicken fried steak, rattlesnake meat, plus all else that a pig could desire. Then once you have eaten your fill, my favorite pet, there is a trough of stale beer. You shall drink your fill of that. Plus there is no bottom to either of those troughs. Bon appetite!

Then Twrch Trwyth ambled over to those twain troughs.

Mercy, thought Magnus. That pig is a sell out. Look at him, guzzling and swilling away. While I myself am starving, at the mercy of these triplet witches.

Now for you Magnus. First you must take a nice bath. Then, once you are cleaned up, you may order anything on the menu.

OK. But I am starving. May I order now and thereby get ordering out of the way so that I may have some victuals as soon as I get cleaned up, and thereby keep from starving.

Course you may order now, Magnus.

Then I would like to have a nice private bath. Er. Or if maybe that is out of the question, your grand daughter might assist me, with the toweling off. Then, I would like a hamburger or two, no mayo, with some French fries, or grits, and a jumbo RC.

Done. Grand daughter, show Magnus to the Boy’s Comfort Station.

All righty then, Granny.

Suddenly Magnus felt perfectly at home. And Magnus was pretty sure these witches were not fixing to drink his blood