Ray's Thought for the Day - How could Iowa be more boring?
I know. PETA could free all the pigs in Iowa. Then all the candidates could commiserate with US about what a dastardly deed that was, freeing all the pigs in Iowa. That would be even more boring, not the free pigs, but the candidates commentary on same.
I bet not one of those imperialist Kinglet candidates would opine, You know, having all these pigs loose all over Iowa is pretty funny. No. It would be, Oh my Goddess, the loose pigs have got in the ethanol seed corn. Those pigs have et up all the ethanol seed corn. Goddess damn those pigs!
No, no, no. It is not the fault of those innocent pigs. The pigs did not eat up the ethanol seed corn, PETA et up the ethanol seed corn.
If I am elected Kinglet, I will make Goddess damn sure, that every farmer afflicted by this attack on our civilization and lifestyle gets a subsidy check for the ethanol corn, no matter that the pigs ate the seed corn and the crops never got seeded out.
Well, if I am elected Kinglet, I shall send those farmers bonus aggravation checks to cover the emotional loss they obviously suffered.
The rest of you assholes are forgetting, the pigs are still loose. If I am elected Kinglet I shall procure a loan from Red China. Then once I get that loan, I shall hire private contractors plus all my relatives to round up those pigs. Then those pigs shall be housed in FEMA trailers until their rightful owners show up. Fear not rightful owners. I shall cut through the red tape, so you will get your pigs back fairly expeditiously.
And so it might go.
I bet not one of those imperialist Kinglet candidates would opine, You know, having all these pigs loose all over Iowa is pretty funny. No. It would be, Oh my Goddess, the loose pigs have got in the ethanol seed corn. Those pigs have et up all the ethanol seed corn. Goddess damn those pigs!
No, no, no. It is not the fault of those innocent pigs. The pigs did not eat up the ethanol seed corn, PETA et up the ethanol seed corn.
If I am elected Kinglet, I will make Goddess damn sure, that every farmer afflicted by this attack on our civilization and lifestyle gets a subsidy check for the ethanol corn, no matter that the pigs ate the seed corn and the crops never got seeded out.
Well, if I am elected Kinglet, I shall send those farmers bonus aggravation checks to cover the emotional loss they obviously suffered.
The rest of you assholes are forgetting, the pigs are still loose. If I am elected Kinglet I shall procure a loan from Red China. Then once I get that loan, I shall hire private contractors plus all my relatives to round up those pigs. Then those pigs shall be housed in FEMA trailers until their rightful owners show up. Fear not rightful owners. I shall cut through the red tape, so you will get your pigs back fairly expeditiously.
And so it might go.
posted by ray pistrum at Thursday, January 03, 2008
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