Magnus the Busboy, Part 13

Once the WG had interrogated all the patrons, potentially paying or not, She was satisfied that Gogette was the responsible party. Then too, Twrch Trwyth had espied that lady giant sneaking out the front crack right after the general time Magnus was assaulted. The WG confirmed Twrch Trwyth’s evidence by checking Her memory in Blodeuwedd mode. Sure enough, according to Blodeuwedd, the giantess sneaked off shortly after Blodeuwedd sent Magnus to police the comfort stations. However, the elderly Druid that had been an eyewitness to the immediate after effects of Gogette’s crime, proved useless. The besotted are notoriously unreliable witnesses.

Many are ignorant of mead. The ignorant may surmise that mead is like beer. Well, mead is not like beer. Mead has a lots higher alcohol content than beer. Yet since it generally comes in pint size, the ignorant surmise, Well, this mead is like a pint of beer. I may guzzle this up just like a pint of beer. Buh!

That Gogette, a distant cousin of the WG, perpetrated a hideous crime right under the WG’s nose, presented the WG with what might, for most, represent a dichotomy. But such was not a dichotomy for the WG. Distant cousin or not, the WG was fixing to exact justice.

Twrch Trwyth, assemble yourself.

The mighty pig assembled before the WG, relaxing at Her favorite table.

Twrch Trwyth, go find Gogette. Explain to Gogette that if she resists, you shall eat her on the spot and that after you eat her, she shall never be seen again. After you explain that, bring her along to Me.

I shall track the wicked lady giant down, WG, and eat her on the spot if she resists. May I torment her even if she does not resist.

Sure. Now get going.

Eagerly, the mighty pig set off in pursuit of Gogette. The scent was easy to follow. Gogette’s fondness for truffles betrayed her.

Following the departure of Twrch Trwyth, the WG also allowed the paying customers to depart, once all the checks were settled. But the elderly Druids were in no shape to depart. So they got to stay. Blodeuweed had to fix them up in a spare bedroom. Great!, thought Blodeuwedd.

Long was the chase. Perilous the chase might have been also. Except, perilous for Twrch Trwyth is fairly hard to come by. So Twrch Trwyth did not view the chase as especially perilous or even particularly adventurous. No. Twrch Trwyth viewed the running down of Gogette as ho hum. That is because Twrch Trwyth had all the advantage on his side. Sound familiar. Twrch Trwyth is like the US Air Force versus the Serbs.

Although, Twrch Trwyth, indisputably, had right on his side. Because from Twrch Trwyth’s perspective, the WG, could do no wrong. And Twrch Trwyth was on a mission for the WG. So Twrch Trwyth was in the right, as a matter of course, no matter what.

Whuff. Whuff. Pigs like to whuff when they are hunting. Whuff is the sound, hunting pigs make. What the whuff is, is the pig exhaling on to a smelly surface. Whuff. Whuff.

Swiftly the mighty pig whuffed along. Along the scented trail Twrch Trwyth whuffed so hard, dust devils whirled. Yes. The dust devils whirled along the scented trail in Twrch Tryth’s wake. Whuff. Whuff. Ha! I have you now, Gogette.

Yes. Twrch Trwyth had the miserable lady giant cornered at a rest stop. There is no escape. Gogette knows, there is no escape.

Please Twrch Trwyth, spare me. I am innocent.

No you are not, innocent. But you are possibly, tasty. You smell of truffles. Come forth, or I shall smite the rest stop to smithereens with you in it, Gogette.

No, no, no. I shall come forth. I shall resist not. Please, Twrch Trwyth let me explain.

OK. Come forth and explain.

Gogette came forth.

Twrch Trwyth, mightiest of pigs, I am come forth. I know why you have tracked me down. Yet I have an excuse. Magnus rudely interrupted my ablution. I am still stove up on account of Magnus. So my behavior regarding Magnus was entirely justified. My behavior was tit for tat. So I am innocent.

Hearing that excuse, Twrch Trwyth wisely understood that Gogette had a mitigating circumstances defense going.

The WG shall decide. Now move along Gogette. We shall make good progress on our return journey to the WG Bar and Grill. If we do not make satisfactory progress, you shall never be seen again.

Off they went. Gogette is great of size and stout, but terrible is the return journey. The pig dictates a super pace. Lickety split they go. Gogette, breathless and weary, stumbles in the stygian darkness, time and again. Yet the relentless pig is always right there. Whuff. On they go.

The terrible journey continues. Gogette, constantly hurried along by the relentless pig has little time to watch where she is headed. The flora, habitating on her route, sensing the passage of a harried and hurried potential evil doer, gang up on Gogette. Branches whip her big teary face, straggling vines trip her up, stickers afflict Gogette. And withal, Gogette is more stove up than ever. Also, Gogette is wracked by merciless cramps.

Then too, unbeknownst to Gogette, Twrch Trwyth, whuffing behind, is forcing Gogette to take the long way back. Twrch Trwyth wants to give Gogette plenty of time to resist.

Woe is me!, the unhappy lady giant surmises.

All through the stygian darkness they journey, right up to fickle Ogma’s rising. Yes, fickle Ogma shines behind the craggy hill that shelters the WG Bar and Grill, casting a dark shadow of that very hill upon the miserable lady giant.

Make haste Gogette. Whuff, the mighty pig urges Gogette onward.

At last those twain approach the crack. In they both enter. The neon light of the Pabst Blue Ribbon electric sign casts an eerie glow upon the dining and gaming area.

Looks like all are abed, surmises Twrch Trwyth. OK Gogette. Proceed to the Lady’s Comfort Station. You shall be judged once the WG arises and has time for you. If at any time, you choose to come out of the Lady’s Comfort Station, before the WG arises and judges you, you shall never be seen again.

Then Twrch Trwyth pitilessly whuffed or snorted Gogette into the Lady’s Comfort Station, ironically, the scene of her most recent crime. Yes. Like all criminals in this and similar accounts, Gogette returned to the scene of her crime.

Magnus, abiding upon the Ample Bosoms in his own little sick bed, dreamed. This is the dream of Magnus.

A beautiful young lady visits Magnus on his sick bed. The beautiful young lady, who looks just like Blodeuwedd, only completely naked, sits upon the bed, caressing Magnus’s tiny hard noggin through the bandages. The naked young lady who looks like Blodeuwedd, but without any clothes on, speaks thus to Magnus.

Magnus, you must understand that your situation, vis-a-vis me, is hopeless. That is because I only date poets and kinglets. You Magnus, are neither. So I can not date you, as you now are, ever. Yet, I have come to you now, to explain all this to you, which is sort of like a date. I have come to you Magnus to explain all this, out of pity, and because Granny made me. The upshot is, this is as close as you shall ever get to a long term relationship with me unless you start writing poems or get yourself acclaimed as a kinglet.

All this being true, Magnus, it is time for you to seek your destiny. Especially in lieu of the fact that you are no longer a virgin. Yes Magnus, now that you are bereft of your virginity, you shall depart from the relative safety of the WG Bar and Grill and go off somewhere else, seeking your destiny. It is for the best that you do this Magnus, seek your destiny elsewhere, because if you stay here, your wits shall stultify even more than they have already. Yet, outside the crack, beyond the front yard, is a tiny globe with many interesting and even stimulating phenomena that you may study upon, thereby sharpening your wits. Then, one day, maybe, once your wits are plenty sharp, you shall actually do something interesting or even stimulating yourself. If that something includes poetry, or high political office, then you may get an actual date with me, eventually.

Poor Magnus. Confusion and dismay competed for the attention of his tiny hard noggin.

But what about my job? Who shall do my important busboy job once I depart? Who shall operate my wheelbarrow?

Fret not Magnus. We have already found a replacement busboy. Indeed, even now your replacement is trapped in the Lady’s Comfort Station, awaiting her destiny.

Poor Magnus was crestfallen.

Can I at least write you a letter or two, Blodeuwedd?

Sure you can Magnus. But know this. I shall not feel obliged to answer them.

Nooooooooo! Magnus reached out, resolving to clasp the naked Blodeuwedd to his own person. But poof, She vanished into thin air.

Magnus the Busboy, Part 13, uh, continued

Round and round the tiny globe whirled. Anon, the whirling motion of the tiny globe, temporarily positioned that part of the tiny globe associated with the WG Bar and Grill at the high noon marker set up by fickle Ogma. A little more time passed. That passed time too was also marked by fickle Ogma. At last though, life as we know it stirred under the craggy hill housing the WG Bar and Grill. Yes. By two in the afternoon, everyone was up, even the elderly Druids. Everyone was having coffee in the Dining and Gaming Area.

All righty then. I am happy to see everyone’s smiling, cheerful faces. Magnus, I need to see your smiling, cheerful face. Come along over here and I shall remove the bandages from your hard little noggin.

At the WG’s command, the still despondent Magnus shuffled sadly over to the WG’s favorite table. Naturally, all those present, the elderly Druids, Twrch Trwyth, Blodeuwedd, Arianrhod and Cerridwen Herself, were eager to espy Magnus’s hard little noggin. Would it look better, or worse?

Slowly, the WG unwrapped the bandages, a cubit at a time. Gradually, the layers and cubits of bandages that hid the visage of Magnus were reduced. Cubits of bandages accumulated round about the feet of Magnus. Still the WG twirled off bandages, layer after layer. All those spent bandage wrappings accumulated at the feet of Magnus.

Anon, there was revealed the visage of Magnus, peeping out from slightly above all the unwrapped bandages, as ugly as ever. Yes. The doctoring of the WG had restored Magnus to his old ugly self, no better, no worse.

There now Magnus. You are as handsome as ever. You shall face destiny with that handsome face. You shall, as prophesied, rise to great heights, topped by a handsome, cheerful noggin.

Hearing the WG so describe his destiny, Magnus grinned about at everyone. Yet, even so, as Magnus espied the beautiful Blodeuwedd, a tiny hint of wistful longing clouded his otherwise ugly, yet cheerful visage.

After everyone enjoyed a delicious breakfast the WG proclaimed, Twrch Trwyth, bring forth the prisoner.

And there the prisoner was, a pitiful specimen. Scratched, stickered, whuffed, tripped up, constipated, cramped, there stood that miserable specimen of a nearly convicted felon. There she was. Pitiful. Yes.

The facts are that Gogette is an accomplished lady wrestler and stunt person. Gogette is a celebrity. Yet, despite her high status, Gogette took it upon herself to rape and sodomize a seemingly innocent busboy, plus beat the Bejesus out of that same seemingly innocent busboy, Why did Gogette do all that? Well, she allows that she did all that because she was stove up. But is the condition of being stove up, an excuse for the terrible suffering she inflicted upon poor Magnus? Course not. No. Gogette must suffer the consequences of her doubtful and erroneous behavior.

Therefore, Gogette is hereby proclaimed the new bus person of the WG Bar and Grill. Gogette’s ass, ensconced in spandex, should prove an irrestible attraction to the paying customers. Yes. All the paying customers; all the giants, ogres, hump backs, black men, green men, midgets etc., of both sexes and of every description and possible kind shall find Gogette’s ass, irresistible. I shall derive a fortune in tips. I shall wax rich, beyond my wildest dreams.

So there it is. Magnus is unemployed because the WG desires riches beyond Her wildest dreams. The WG is fixing to pimp Gogette. Gogette’s pinched ass shall provide all those riches. Can you believe it?

Course you can’t. Nevertheless, Magnus is fixing to get sent away from the WG Bar and Grill for his own good. After all, a promising, if ugly and stunted young man such as Magnus, can not remain a busboy forever. So, off he shall go.