The Rapture, Alas

As anyone with a lick of sense knows, I, Crumby Ovate, have been expending all my extra energy fixing to bring on the rapture. Yes. I undertook this selfless endeavor to help others, mainly President Elect Obama. My thesis was, Wouldn’t it be swell if President Obama could start off his tenure in the White Palace minus all the retards. Then, minus the retards, President Obama would have way less to worry about and could concentrate on getting any Mammonites that didn’t get raptured under control.

However, I spell you now, fixing to bring on the rapture is not as easy as I thought it would be. Plus, I now ovate, It is fixing to look like the rapture may not occur on or before January 18 of the Julian. I know, I know. I have let many down including President Elect Obama, not to mention the retards who were looking forward to imminent rapture.

Here’s why I surmised bringing on the rapture would be fairly easy. The rapture is historically well documented. The rapture is potentially overdue. A great many earnestly desire the rapture. All these great many possess lots of common sense. Common sense is the Americano version of the collective conscious. Collective conscious is a mighty untamed force of nature.

All I needed to do was tame the collective conscious. That’s right, uh, you know. All I needed to do was get the collective conscious a little better organized and focused on the single objective, rapture. Once, I had everything organized on the Earthly end, Jesus would do the rest. Attached is an artistic conception depicting me, Crumby, here on Earth, organizing the collective conscious into lines of force or communication. That’s Jesus off in outer space. Jesus is operating the Deep Space Retard Magnet (DSRM) that shall actually pull the retards into Heaven. The retards going off into space are depicted as capital Rs.

Alas! This artistic conception may not reflect the actual situation on the ground. Apparently some little detail is tripping me up, stalling progress. I am not sure yet, but it may be that the collective conscious, sometimes known as common sense, is too weak. That’s right. The force itself may be too weak and therefore incapable of organization. Or, Jesus may be slacking off on his end. Whichever, there is no way this is totally my fault.

It’s not my fault. But I’m sorry anyway. I feel like I have let President Elect Obama down before he even got situated in the White Palace. However, there is always hope. Yes, the hope is that Reverend Rick or maybe an Episcopalian shall rapture the retards on inauguration day. Mercy! Praise the Goddess.