Swine Flu Afflicts Transplant Industry

Anybody considering getting a pig nose transplant? Huh, huh! Well, you are shit out of luck for the foreseeable future. That’s right. The pig nose transplant industry has been totally off put by the latest possible swine flu epidemic. The meatpackers have been afflicted. The travel industry has been afflicted. The drug lords have been afflicted. But no industry has been worse afflicted than the pig nose transplant industry.

Hopefully, anybody with futures or maybe stock in pig noses is well-diversified. Cause people counting exclusively on pig noses for future riches or retirement are, quite frankly, fucked. So reasoned the always blunt Rick Martini this morning on Business Smack Talk.

Say Rick, How is the deteriorating situation with pig noses fixing to afflict corn futures?

Pigs eat corn. But honestly, beats me if pigs eat more corn or less corn when they have swine flu. You know, feed a cold, starve a fever. But which is which in this instance? I’m not sure. Hold it. I see that the bottom has just fallen out of pickled pig noses. That’s the movement from transplant pig noses into pickled pig noses; a bad sign for the global economy, just like taxes and socialism.

Boo-hoo-hoo. Dern it. This program is not helping. To heck with taxes and socialism. I need to figure out how the swine flu is fixing to goof up my Corn Pone distributorship.