This is the Worst Trip, Tra-la.
Crumby was ever on. At least since Crumby was an adult. Oh well. Puerto Rico (PR)
is a beautiful island. The people are friendly. The food is fairly tolerable. They have good rum and one good beer, a very nice pale ale. There is plenty of rain. Yet PR is afflicted with far too many automobiles. Plus, Puerto Ricans, eventually transported hither and yon by automobile, once loose in the woods, are way too noisy.
The roadways within and at least 50 miles around San Juan are seriously congested. For example, Hwy. 52 turns into a parking lot daily during rush hours. And Hwy. 52 is a very expensive toll road, to and from Ponce. The congestion caused Crumby, problems. The congestion made Crumby, grumpy. Pretty soon Crumby decided to drive on the sidewalks and across the islands. Otherwise, Crumby might still be in PR.
You may know that in the Republic of Tejas and even in many parts of the US, off and on ramps for the major roads are frequent and often signed. Not so in PR. The fact is, in PR, ramps are infrequent and carefully hidden along with any potential related signs. Plus, the names of all the roads and streets, if identified at all, change every few kilometers, maybe, if the motorist is lucky enough to espy those signs behind a tree or bush.
Then the maps are also interesting. Crumby purchased two maps of PR and acquired several free maps. The maps, considered collectively, exhibited general disagreement upon many of the fine details of PR thoroughfare infrastructure. Eventually, Crumby learned, prior to setting out, to study really hard and memorize a collective image of the maps. That way, Crumby had a fair chance of proceeding directly to his destination via a combination of Druid Magic and gestalt. The best map is probably the one that features a picture of Roberto Clemente, a nice likeness of the former Pirate great.
The hassle of going anywhere by automobile in PR eventually wore Crumby down. Just getting out of the parking garage was a hassle. Whenever Crumby wanted to leave, he had to get his ticket approved. Then he had to stick his ticket into the ticket receptacle before the gate would open to let Crumby out. And the ticket was only good for opening the gate if Crumby used it within ten minutes of getting it approved. But that fact didn’t matter because the ticket receptacle device only worked twice by itself over the course of a week. The rest of the time, Crumby had to be let out manually. Yes. Crumby’s hotel had, besides the automated parking equipment, six human workers constantly on duty to supplement the automated system. Mercy!
So! Here’s some free advice from the Druids if you are headed to PR. Either hire someone to drive you around or go somewhere else. And remember, Puerto Ricans go to New York City for the public transportation
is a beautiful island. The people are friendly. The food is fairly tolerable. They have good rum and one good beer, a very nice pale ale. There is plenty of rain. Yet PR is afflicted with far too many automobiles. Plus, Puerto Ricans, eventually transported hither and yon by automobile, once loose in the woods, are way too noisy.
The roadways within and at least 50 miles around San Juan are seriously congested. For example, Hwy. 52 turns into a parking lot daily during rush hours. And Hwy. 52 is a very expensive toll road, to and from Ponce. The congestion caused Crumby, problems. The congestion made Crumby, grumpy. Pretty soon Crumby decided to drive on the sidewalks and across the islands. Otherwise, Crumby might still be in PR.
You may know that in the Republic of Tejas and even in many parts of the US, off and on ramps for the major roads are frequent and often signed. Not so in PR. The fact is, in PR, ramps are infrequent and carefully hidden along with any potential related signs. Plus, the names of all the roads and streets, if identified at all, change every few kilometers, maybe, if the motorist is lucky enough to espy those signs behind a tree or bush.
Then the maps are also interesting. Crumby purchased two maps of PR and acquired several free maps. The maps, considered collectively, exhibited general disagreement upon many of the fine details of PR thoroughfare infrastructure. Eventually, Crumby learned, prior to setting out, to study really hard and memorize a collective image of the maps. That way, Crumby had a fair chance of proceeding directly to his destination via a combination of Druid Magic and gestalt. The best map is probably the one that features a picture of Roberto Clemente, a nice likeness of the former Pirate great.
The hassle of going anywhere by automobile in PR eventually wore Crumby down. Just getting out of the parking garage was a hassle. Whenever Crumby wanted to leave, he had to get his ticket approved. Then he had to stick his ticket into the ticket receptacle before the gate would open to let Crumby out. And the ticket was only good for opening the gate if Crumby used it within ten minutes of getting it approved. But that fact didn’t matter because the ticket receptacle device only worked twice by itself over the course of a week. The rest of the time, Crumby had to be let out manually. Yes. Crumby’s hotel had, besides the automated parking equipment, six human workers constantly on duty to supplement the automated system. Mercy!
So! Here’s some free advice from the Druids if you are headed to PR. Either hire someone to drive you around or go somewhere else. And remember, Puerto Ricans go to New York City for the public transportation
posted by ray pistrum at Thursday, August 13, 2009
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