The Adventures of Blodeuwedd cont.

All good things must come to an end, maybe, and Blodeuwedd, lying abed
of an early morn, began flipping through Her personal Rolodex and came
upon therein the recollection of Lleu Llaw Guffes, the Lion of the
Steady Hand, er Paw, er Long Arm and also Her husband and despite Her
determination to keep mentally on the task of switching Lleu out, She had
not followed upon Her switching out notion in a systematic and detailed
way or followed the scientific method. Rather, She had let nature take
its course. But now, the moment arrived for some serious advanced
planning and She hypothesized that the talented Badgemagus might be of some
assistance in this planning for the switching of Lleu out, She
reckoned.

"Badgemagus, dear one, I, Blodeuwedd have, for four reasons ticked off
on four of my fingers on at least one prior occasion, but perhaps on
as many as four occasions, determined upon a course of action concerning
Lleu, and that course of action be to switch him out! But here is
somewhat I have recalled of Lleu and that is, he may only be switched out
in such and so forth a complicated fashion that I know not the full
specifications, thereof."

In those days of his youth Badgemagus was a scrapper and mighty strong
and spry he be from daily wrassling with the swine and the rigours of
those times generally, and so Badgemagus spake,

"I'll kick that mofus sorry ass, fer sure."

"No, no, no, Badgemagus, we don't want to go there, unto. Let me first
dispute with Lleu on the manner he may be switched out, expeditiously,
and this manner of the switching out, once detected, will I communicate surreptitiously, to thee."

"Uh, all righty then."

"All righty then!"

When the twain at last arose from abed, a swell breakfast of oatmeal
with apricot jam and raisins and low fat milk and plenty of coffee and
cinnamon buns and white cheddar and apples and pears was set forth and
right heartily did the twain of them, both Blodeuwedd and Badgemagus,
partake there of. All this provender was delicious and the leftovers were
offered up as treats fer the swine and the swine hounds

Upon a time later that day, nigh unto high noon and very hot,Blodeuwedd and Badgemagus were taking their ease upon the front porch when lo a great
hollering was heard without the gate. "Gatekeeper, what is that
great hollering without the gate?", Blodeuwedd inquired of the Gatekeeper. "Lo
and behold, my Lady, 'tis the Royal Herald and the subtopic he hollereth upon
is The Lion of the Steady Hand, approacheth, anon!"

"Yikes! Badgemagus, please make yerself scarce for the nonce, but keep
yerself handy for I shall call on thee anon, once I detect it, the
manner to switcheth Lleu off." Too this stratagem Badgemagus agreed and
he, Badgmagus together with his swine and swine hounds set off to
traverse concentric circles or perhaps an ellipse er two, about the castle
Dinoding, but not before performing some necessary ablutions. These
ablutions occupied time, plus the swine and swine hounds had to be
de-ensconced and this took time and lo the time came about that as Badgemagus
and Company were egressing the gate, Lleu and Retinue were ingressing the
gate, another example of two incidents coming together in space and
time, coincidentally.

And Blodeuwedd predicted to the handy, hired help loafing about,
"Behold the Hand that knocketh me up approacheth, please prepare apace
whatever thou dost for the Hand, when he cometh knocking!" And the hands
that ever are the hired help, did just that.

Meantime round and round the gate a great clamour and alarum had
sundered the peace and prosperity of those parts and the great clamour and
alarum was accompanied by the hollering of men and the screaming of women
and all manner of domestic animal noises of every frequency and tone
and a generalized panic attack was broke out, fer sure. For Lleu would
not give way the gate and neither would the swine for they had been pent
up and now at this opportunity, made a run, fer it.

Lleu waxed much wroth at the discomfiture of his retinue on account of
the stampeding swine and the swine hounds mixed among his retinue of
plunging and bucking horses and ponies, and full-wrothful Lleu assayed
with his wand to likewise discomfit the swine into their component hams.
But Badgemagus also waxed wroth and assayed a transmigration to the
greatest of all swine of those or any other parts, "Twrch Trwyth, the Greatest Boar of Britain."

In these kinds of panic attack situations, with much of hurt feelings
and actual hurts and even casualties imminent, a Goddess on the scene,
if She so opts, can diffuse the panic, quite easily. And Blodeuwedd was
simply not going to put up with a huge mess before Her very front porch
and within Her very gate. So She let out a mighty keening whistle that
assailed the ears with such pitch and volume that none there or
anywhere in those parts did naught but stop what they were doing and cover
their ears. Then Blodeuwedd repeated the mighty whistle twice more and
all who heard those whistles were laid low a-quivering, snorting and
snuffling. And those three whistles were accounted as the three greatest
whistles ever heard in those or any other parts.

Once Blodeuwedd had all the Cymry and domesticated animals prone and
a-quiverin', snorting and snuffling, She predicted, "If any of you lot
can't behave yerself, in an orderly egress and ingress style and absent
all the racket, We shall certainly see what shall become of thee, then."

Such majesty was revealed in Blodeuwedd and overall how pissed off She
was that as the Cymry and domesticated animals gradually sorted
themselves out, they began, just as Blodeuwedd had predicted, an egress and
ingress through the gate of such fine meekness and solicitude for the
feelings of others that this particular egress ingress event is known as
one of the three greatest egress ingress events of all time.

That night at sup, fer meat, Lleu and Blodeuwedd dined on French fried
taters, hamburgers and baked beans with leftover chocolate pie fer
desert and a Dolmen er two. For discourse, Lleu recounted much of his
adventures at tournament and provided extensive detail on the ribbons he had
acquired which included a first, two seconds and a third. The first was fer wheel barrow racin'. Finally after a couple of hours of steady listenin', Blodeuwedd chanced to remark, "Lleu, it would b such a shame if such a champion as yerself should cometh to hurt, or be hurt to the death, somewhat. Perchance, how could such an untimely chance, chanceth?" But Lleu ignored Her and continued on his ribbon receivin' notorieties as if he had not heard Blodeuwedd. However, Blodeuwedd is, if She is anything, determined, and after much chance querying and much, much more of the ribbon receivin' notorieties interspsersed, She gathered the following from Lleu's oral meanderings:

1) spear
2) year to make spear
3) bath tub on river bank
4) thatch shed over tub
5) foot on billy goat
6) foot on edge of tub
7) smite with spear

Got it! Blodeuwedd ticked these items off on seven of her fingers, several times to make sure She had 'em all and then filed the seven together on a page of her Rolodex marked important, urgent and color coded red and yellow.

Then the twain of them, Blodeuwedd and Lleu, retired to their own thoughts and interests separately for the balance of that night.

to be continued

by, Nancy the Goddess of Practical Jokes