Shocking Facts, Maybe, about Shrews

Shrews are related to moles. The smallest species of shrew is two grams, adult weight. A quarter (the coin) weighs 5 grams. Shrews are nervous by nature. Shrews may die of fright if exposed to loud noises. If a shrew is captured it may die of shock. Shrews eat insects and worms. Shrew families caravan together, the second one in line holding on to its predecessor's tail and so on and so forth until there are no more shrews at the end of the caravan. Shrews are generally solitary and the sexes meet only to fornicate. This would seem to contradict the caravaning, but caravaning is apparently limited to mother shrews and mother shrews young offspring.
A shrew-like animal appeared to the Crumby Ovate in a totem dream a good while back. At least one shrew species is a water walker, employing air trapped on the hairs of its hind feet and the surface tension of the water to accomplish this Jesus-like miracle. This same shrew has been held by human researchers underwater for up to 47.7 seconds without drowning. This is surprising, since based on the previous facts presented, and others not presented, the shrew should have died of shock before it survived drowning. Because shrews are so little and nervous they think a lot. In fact, shrews have the highest thought to mass ratio in the animal kingdom. Thinking so much is what makes shrews nervous. When a shrew is deep in thought, it's metabolic rate increases dramatically. At these times the shrew is most vulnerable to death from loud noises and to being captured and dying of shock because the shrew is thinking too much and not paying attention to its immediate environment. To keep from thinking too much all the time, shrews remain active when they are not thinking. Activities, such as running around and fornicating help dissipate nervous energy. Many shrews also swim or climb trees to accomplish nervous energy dissipation. All shrews can tunnel along to some extent. But when the opportunity to use a mouse or mole tunnel arises, a typical shrew will use these without a second thought, the first thought to use the tunnel, sufficing. Some shrews can administer poisonous bites, but because of their small size, shrews are not considered a threat to the national security of the liars and gluttons. Nevertheless, the ignorant and vulgar, lump shrews into the general category of varmints (the tiniest shrews are relagated to the vermin category) and all are coincidentally persecuted on this account.