Sunday, February 12, 2006

Ray's Thought for the Day

Uh oh. Mercy! Arkdruid, did ye check this out?

What’s that Ray?

Red’s spell of the previous evenin’. He must have sneaked in here while I was entertainin’ myself with my new Fart Horn.

Yes Ray. It’s OK. I have rendered that spell, stealthier, and perhaps now, Red will not be arrested.

Yikes! If ye say so Arkdruid.

Can I see the original spell, please Arkdruid?

No.

Well all righty then. It’s on to my various tasks on this very cold mornin’, then. First off, I need to re-total the tics fer “I am a Sneeze in the Pasture Month , and the CB Tree is Baby Cotyledons”. Lemme see here. Five un five un one un a half un three makes fer a new total tics of fourteen un a half. Mercy! That aint much. But ye take whut ye can get in these parts. One day closer.

Hark! Both the LDR and the CO approacheth. Whut can I do the twain of ye, fer?

We require this venue for the nonce, Ray.

But I be a workin’ here and arrived first, Rayetta.

Nevertheless Ray, go off and watch TV or whatever you prefer, for you are too much of a distraction and we have a spell to do.

Why caint I stay and help? It aint fair. Crumby, my bosom companion, tell Rayetta it aint fair.

It aint fair, Rayetta!

Crumby! He has to go. He smells like a Fart Horn. Ray! Why don’t you go outside and air out.

It’s cold out Rayetta! The horns is droppin’ off the Billy Goats out yonder!

I know Ray. Why don’t ye go and look through the spurges agin? We need us another spurge, fer the ASS, fer sure. And while yer at it, pull the Section Phaestoglochin sheets out of the Carex files. That’ll be fun, and ye can work in the laboratory and maybe when Red’s programs er over, Hope can hep ye.

All righty then, snuffle. I reckon I can go off by myself, burdened with tasks, all alone, snuffle.

That’s right Ray. Hie thee hence and stop that snuffling.

All righty then my mean sister. I, Ray shall depart into the bruising cold of the specimink storage area. Perhaps, anon ye will find me there abouts, froze to the quick, like unto a Dreamsickle, and then ye will regret yer cruel ways.

Hit the road, Ray!
______

All righty then. Let’s get on task now Crumby.

All righty then Rayetta. I sure do like them knew boots ye got on. That’s purple suede, aint it? And that ankle bracelet with the Elvis charm is, way too cool!

Crumby, would ye like to join yer bosom companion in the plant storage facility area?

Noper.
______

Who are the Gluttons! by C. Ovate and LDR Pistrum
_____

Goodness gracious honey the new neighbors are moving in, and oh my goodness gracious, they have four moving vans full of stuff. However, will they get all that stuff in their little house?

Goodness gracious honey, what are all those low paid construction workers doing at the neighbors?

Oh my goodness gracious honey, the sun failed to rise this morning!
_____

This lady has suddenly realized that gluttons have moved next door. Gluttons require palatial living quarters for stuff storage so these particular gluttons have, taking advantage of cheap labor, had erected around them a colossal three story stuff storage area on their 1/3 acre lot extending fence line to fence line. No wonder our lady’s sun failed to rise.
_____

Goodness gracious honey, Mr. Rip Publican that we knew in school has been appointed to work in the administration of the Forest Service. I thought he flunked out of realtor school and was in jail.

Goodness gracious honey, Mr. Tax Dodger that we knew in school is wanting to build a beautiful new housing development and golf course hereabouts, but he says we have run out of room everywhere except on his property and some adjacent forest that is underutilized.

Oh my goodness gracious honey. The Sign spells,
Achtung Dumbkopfs! No admittance by Authority of the Office of Homeland Security
. Isn’t this our very family camping spot?
____

This lady has suddenly realized that gluttons have taken over the government and are in cahoots with land speculators. No wonder the lady’s family will get to camp, somewhere else.
____

Goodness gracious honey. Why does a river authority employ so many realtors and why do those realtors play golf with the land speculators?

Goodness gracious honey, the river authority is constructing sewage treatment facilities in the “parks” up and down our watershed.

Oh my goodness gracious honey, why are all these developments springing up around the river authority “parks”. Yikes, this sign reads
Achtung Dumbkopf, Private and Exclusive

_____

Hmmm. This lady has realized she will have to instruct honey how to drive off somewhere else to get to the lake. She has encountered glutton side effects.
_____

Goodness gracious honey. Mr. Rap Publican has been appointed to the regional transportation authority. Remember Rap? We went to school with Rap and his brother Rip. Rap flunked out of junior high. I thought Rap was in jail too.

Goodness gracious honey. A great transportation corridor is planned for these parts.

Goodness gracious honey, everyone in our county is situated upon a potential alternative route for the great transportation corridor planned for these parts.

Oh my goodness gracious honey it is the sheriff at the door and he has a notice that spells
Auctung Dumbkopf, Your Property is Hereby Condemned by the Office of Homeland Security
Then below that its spells,
Future home of an upscale hotel, upscale golf course and closely monitored upscale community, so get out of the way of progress you dumbkopfs

_____

This lady had just discovered that a glutton or two have conspired to improve her property. Now she will have to help honey find a new place to live.
_____

These are but four modest examples of “Who are the Gluttons!” two examples for Crumby and two for the LDR, makes four. But there are many more examples. Just ask Mike “Brownie” Brown. Now there’s a glutton who seems willing to use his maw for egress.
Ye know I like the wealthy, much better when their stealthy, the way they rub my nose in, the wickedness they're doin'. Glutton!
Don't call me that.

Yer a glutton.

The Arkdruid

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