Red vs. the Guvment

All righty then, lala it to perdition. The lala, lala guvment can kiss my lala, fer sure. Dirty lala parasites from lala and lala suckin’ lala, lala, lala!

Waaaaaaaa - Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaa - Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! etc!

Uh oh! It’s them Tabby Labbers and I have a frighted em terrible with terrible spells, Goddess Fergive Me. There, there both Sugarplum and Sweetiepie, Red’s sorry fer cussin’ and he won’t do no more cussin’ if ye will stop yer catterwaulin’.

Ye won’t.

Noper.

All righty then, cause Nancy warned the twain of us, that is both me Surgarplum, as well as Sweetiepie here, that ye, Red was an ol’ cussy tongue. Aint that right Sweetiepie. Yeppers, that's the way I heard it, and so I says to Nancy, Nancy how can we pertect ourselves from ol’ Red’s cussin’ and Nancy says, when ye notice him a cussin’ go off like little si-reens an that’ll brang the ol’ fool to his senses, maybe. Aint that right Sugarplum. That’s about the size of it Sweetiepie, but then I says to Nancy, can we practice some of that there si-reenin’ here and now to see if we can do er proper, and Nancy says go ahead on so we, that is both myself and Sweetiepie si-reened fer a spell, but it warnt long afore Nancy says, to the twain of us, if I may be so bold to speak fer both myself and Sweetiepie here, that she thought we had sufficient talent in si-reenin.

Yepper, that ye do, fer ye cut ol Red’s cussy tongue off at its roots fer sure.

Whut was ye a cussin’ fer Red?

Well Sweetiepie, it’s the guvment in these parts is no count, and gettin’ worse than no count. Fer I drove the truck down to get inspected whether it be needin’ inspectin’ er no, and the lala, ...........

WA................

No, no, no! All righty then. Perhaps we should visit about somethin’ other than ol Red’s aggravation. Are ye excited about goin home to the Joke Factory?

Yeppers. I Sweetiepie am excited fer we miss Nancy and all our friends yonder, but we was right glad to visit here and see Aint Hope agin especially. Aint that right Sugarplum. Yeppers fer sure, and we like it here all righty , but there’s no place like home. Aint we fixin to get some supper to tide us over fer that taxi ride, Red.

Yepper, ye shall have a goin’ away feast that Ray is workin’ up at the nonce. Which puts ol’ Red in mind of a chore he took upon hisself regardin’ gaseous emissions. I was gonna work on the problem of gaseous emissions in my spare time. Would ye young Tabby Labbers like to see whut ol’ Red has come up with.

Yeppers.

Lookee here. Do ye know whut this be?

Nopers. But it be one of the little wonders, aint it.

Yep, it be a special little wonder, fer sure. This be whut the variously ignorant and vulgar spells Mexican tea er epazote er wormwood and that the sophisticated spell (Chenopodium ambrosioides). And in addition to it bein’ a pleasant enough little wonder, it cures the farts. At this here time, its basal rosette stage, the leaves are nice and tender.

What ere ye gonna do with it Red?

Well Sugarplum I be goin to make Crumby and Ray blow up a great big picture of it. Then we be goin’ to frame that picture. Then we be goin’ to hang that picture in the kitchen and the picture of this here epazote will scare off all the farts.

It will?

Yeppers.

Well then ye can just make us a picture too Red, fer a great many of the denizens at the Joke Factory could lose a fart er two. Aint that right Sugarplum? Yeppers, we have smelt us some bad........

Oh lookee who’s here arrived . Whut’s fer supper Ray?

Tuna Dylan, Red. And it will be, delicious.

Whoa! I warned ye about them cannibal jokes Ray.
_____

For those among the Cymry that never learned much, and the generally ignorant, Dylan is the sprite brother of Lleu Llaw Guffes who took to the waves, swam as swell as any fish and was harpooned by one of his "uncles".

The Arkdruid