Crumby's Telescope Tomfoolery Notes -Shocking!!!! Historical Events
The Monoceros as a celestial phenomena was invented by Herr Jacob Bartsch. Herr Bartsch also invented the Camelopardalis and some other constellations with a view, perhaps, to associating the various theretofore non-imagined constellations with Biblical events. For example, Bartsch’s feeling about Camelopardalis was that it was Rebecca’s camel and not a giraffe or old naked fat man dancing around, whichever.
Rebecca, as you may recall, came from Syria to marry up with Isaac, who was by that time, already a fairly old fart. Rebecca, bride to be, brought her pet camel along to Israel, not only to enjoy a ride on her camel all the way from Syria, but also, so that Isaac might observe her pet camel and thereby learn to walk, like a camel.
Other than imagination limited to a Biblical scale, Bartsch’s alternative claim to fame was that he happened to marry one of the famous Kepler’s daughters. One of the very same of the very famous Kepler’s daughters, in fact, whose granny, Kepler’s old mom, happened to have served 14 months in a dank and dingy prison for the crime of witchcraft. Granny was a herbalist by profession, and anyone in those days that could identify upwards of 30 species of plants was considered too smart by a long shot. Where did all the smarts come from? Easy that, Beelzebub. Yep, Old Scratch had enlarged Granny Kepler’s wits so she could remember about all those plants.
Kepler, a devout man, managed to get his mom off, somehow. Now here’s a guy who managed to get himself kicked out of both the Lutheran and Catholic congregations, ex-communication, they call it, and he still had time to keep his mom from getting burned at the stake. Plus, he managed to write up a bunch of interesting astronomical hypotheses despite having poor eyesight.
Probably, getting ex-communicated helped Kepler out with his hypotheses. Ex-communication means you don’t have to waste a lot of time visiting with Christians, other than that part of the time you are trying to convince the Christians your old mom isn’t a witch.
I am shocked by these biographical facts regarding the life of Kepler. Shocked!!!! I learned these facts several hours ago, and I am still shocked!!!! I may never recover from this particular shock!!!! They wanted to kill Kepler's old mom. They tortured his old mom to make her tell them what they wanted to hear. Shocking!!!!
Did you know that when Kepler was a little fellow, his mom took him out one night, before his eyesight deteriorated, and showed him a big, spectacular comet? That very night, as a result of espying that comet, young Kepler determined on a celestial career. Little did he know then, at that time, that all the ignoramuses were fixing to gang up on him and throw his dear old mom in jail. Shocking!!!!
Rebecca, as you may recall, came from Syria to marry up with Isaac, who was by that time, already a fairly old fart. Rebecca, bride to be, brought her pet camel along to Israel, not only to enjoy a ride on her camel all the way from Syria, but also, so that Isaac might observe her pet camel and thereby learn to walk, like a camel.
Other than imagination limited to a Biblical scale, Bartsch’s alternative claim to fame was that he happened to marry one of the famous Kepler’s daughters. One of the very same of the very famous Kepler’s daughters, in fact, whose granny, Kepler’s old mom, happened to have served 14 months in a dank and dingy prison for the crime of witchcraft. Granny was a herbalist by profession, and anyone in those days that could identify upwards of 30 species of plants was considered too smart by a long shot. Where did all the smarts come from? Easy that, Beelzebub. Yep, Old Scratch had enlarged Granny Kepler’s wits so she could remember about all those plants.
Kepler, a devout man, managed to get his mom off, somehow. Now here’s a guy who managed to get himself kicked out of both the Lutheran and Catholic congregations, ex-communication, they call it, and he still had time to keep his mom from getting burned at the stake. Plus, he managed to write up a bunch of interesting astronomical hypotheses despite having poor eyesight.
Probably, getting ex-communicated helped Kepler out with his hypotheses. Ex-communication means you don’t have to waste a lot of time visiting with Christians, other than that part of the time you are trying to convince the Christians your old mom isn’t a witch.
I am shocked by these biographical facts regarding the life of Kepler. Shocked!!!! I learned these facts several hours ago, and I am still shocked!!!! I may never recover from this particular shock!!!! They wanted to kill Kepler's old mom. They tortured his old mom to make her tell them what they wanted to hear. Shocking!!!!
Did you know that when Kepler was a little fellow, his mom took him out one night, before his eyesight deteriorated, and showed him a big, spectacular comet? That very night, as a result of espying that comet, young Kepler determined on a celestial career. Little did he know then, at that time, that all the ignoramuses were fixing to gang up on him and throw his dear old mom in jail. Shocking!!!!
posted by ray pistrum at Friday, October 06, 2006
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