The Druid News Service (DNS) - US Culture Today - An Interview with Dr. Puffer
Goodness gracious! Today’s newsy news feature is brought to you intermittently by me, Ms. Hope Remains, Ace Reporter for the DNS. As some of you may know, the Mammonites running the Homeland Congress are squealing to high heaven because they have suddenly discovered that one of their own Mammonite Congresspersons is a pervert. Goodness gracious sakes alive! Who knew about this awful predicament that has suddenly become apparent? Mercy!
To provide some analysis of this US cultural event now staggering the Homeland we have rounded up an authority on Homeland Culture, Dr. Richard Puffer, Homeland Culture Expert. Dr. Puffer, what the heck is going on in the Homeland Congress?
Thank you Sugar, I shall be happy to elaborate on all that, but let’s not be so formal. You may call me Dick.
No, no, no, Dr. Puffer, I shall call you Dr. Puffer. By the way Dr. Puffer, do you see that little wiry, crazy looking feller over yonder playing around with his switchblade? That’s my boyfriend, Ray. Wave at Dr. Puffer, Ray.
Ray gesticulates, describing a crescent moon with his switchblade, grinning happily at Dr. Puffer.
Er. Thank you for pointing Ray out, Ms. Remains. Er. Yes. We need to focus keenly on the antics of the Homeland Congress to the exclusion of all extraneous matters! Your question is, Ms. Remains, “What the heck is going on in the Homeland Congress?” Alas, I, Dr. Puffer, fear that our patriotic Mammonite Congresspersons have been too busy with the Trickle Down to monitor themselves at the high standard we might expect from them. Now understand, I’m not making excuses for our patriotic Mammonite Congressional leaders, but keeping track of the Trickle Down is a full time job, all by itself.
So Dr. Puffer, you are stating that this potential perversion of perhaps the foremost Mammonite value has been on-going for some time, maybe, but the Mammonite leaders were too busy organizing the Trickle Down to pay attention.
Yes, alas Ms. Remains, that’s how it appears. Apparently the leaders of the patriotic flock all knew about this devilish sheep, for a few years back, maybe, but they have been incredibly busy, organizing the Trickle Down. Consider this Ms. Remains, with millions of Islamic fascists attacking us in their own Islamic fascist countries, and with millions of Islamic fascist sympathizers running amok in the Homeland, and with millions of foreigners over-running the Homeland, and with all of them needing to be rounded up and tortured, and with hurricanes attacking the Homeland, there’s a lot more Trickle Down needed to keep the Homeland more secure than ever before. Keeping all that Trickle Down flowing to the right donors is hard work! It’s no wonder our Patriotic Mammonite Congressperson leaders could forget about this or that little detail. Also, what if our patriotic leaders of our Homeland Congress had spoken up about this wicked, bad sheep? Heavens to Mergatroid what would you, Ms. Remains, a member of the Media Liberal, have broadcast in response; that they were all a bunch of homosexual haters, no doubt.
Hmmm. Actually Dr. Puffer, the DNS is Druid, not liberal, and actually, also, I wouldn’t have thought that notion up by myself for a hundred dollars. Ray, would you have thought that notion up by yourself for a hundred dollars?
Noper. Say Hope, did Dr. Puffer piss you off? I’d sure like to hurt him real bad if he pissed you off.
No, Ray. I’m not pissed off at him too bad, just yet.
So Dr. Puffer, I shall summarize for you. The Media Liberal and its merciless penchant for rooting out homo haters, is, in addition to the hard work of organizing the Trickle Down, also a root cause of our patriotic Homeland Congressional leadership’s collective memory loss. I can certainly see how those patriotic Homeland leaders in Congress, believing male teen sodomy to be about the worst sin ever, would be really hesitant to expose a potential sodomite. Goodness gracious, they must have all lost lots of sleep fretting about that. My goodness, I can certainly put myself in the shoes of those poor Congressmen. “Goodness,” I would think to myself, “Should I tattle on this potential worst sinner of all time, and expose to the Media Liberal that I personally disapprove of the worst potential sin, ever. Goodness!!!!” Why such a situation is almost like a Druid Dichotomy. And those poor Congressmen have no training at all for handling Druid Dichotomies. Goodness! Well, Dr. Puffer, I see we’re out of time. Ray, could you see that Dr. Puffer gets out of the studio, safely.
You betchum Hope. Come along now Dr. Puffer. Say, that sure is a nice watch you have on there. There’s a great many little red-headed orphans who would certainly like that fine wristwatch.
To provide some analysis of this US cultural event now staggering the Homeland we have rounded up an authority on Homeland Culture, Dr. Richard Puffer, Homeland Culture Expert. Dr. Puffer, what the heck is going on in the Homeland Congress?
Thank you Sugar, I shall be happy to elaborate on all that, but let’s not be so formal. You may call me Dick.
No, no, no, Dr. Puffer, I shall call you Dr. Puffer. By the way Dr. Puffer, do you see that little wiry, crazy looking feller over yonder playing around with his switchblade? That’s my boyfriend, Ray. Wave at Dr. Puffer, Ray.
Ray gesticulates, describing a crescent moon with his switchblade, grinning happily at Dr. Puffer.
Er. Thank you for pointing Ray out, Ms. Remains. Er. Yes. We need to focus keenly on the antics of the Homeland Congress to the exclusion of all extraneous matters! Your question is, Ms. Remains, “What the heck is going on in the Homeland Congress?” Alas, I, Dr. Puffer, fear that our patriotic Mammonite Congresspersons have been too busy with the Trickle Down to monitor themselves at the high standard we might expect from them. Now understand, I’m not making excuses for our patriotic Mammonite Congressional leaders, but keeping track of the Trickle Down is a full time job, all by itself.
So Dr. Puffer, you are stating that this potential perversion of perhaps the foremost Mammonite value has been on-going for some time, maybe, but the Mammonite leaders were too busy organizing the Trickle Down to pay attention.
Yes, alas Ms. Remains, that’s how it appears. Apparently the leaders of the patriotic flock all knew about this devilish sheep, for a few years back, maybe, but they have been incredibly busy, organizing the Trickle Down. Consider this Ms. Remains, with millions of Islamic fascists attacking us in their own Islamic fascist countries, and with millions of Islamic fascist sympathizers running amok in the Homeland, and with millions of foreigners over-running the Homeland, and with all of them needing to be rounded up and tortured, and with hurricanes attacking the Homeland, there’s a lot more Trickle Down needed to keep the Homeland more secure than ever before. Keeping all that Trickle Down flowing to the right donors is hard work! It’s no wonder our Patriotic Mammonite Congressperson leaders could forget about this or that little detail. Also, what if our patriotic leaders of our Homeland Congress had spoken up about this wicked, bad sheep? Heavens to Mergatroid what would you, Ms. Remains, a member of the Media Liberal, have broadcast in response; that they were all a bunch of homosexual haters, no doubt.
Hmmm. Actually Dr. Puffer, the DNS is Druid, not liberal, and actually, also, I wouldn’t have thought that notion up by myself for a hundred dollars. Ray, would you have thought that notion up by yourself for a hundred dollars?
Noper. Say Hope, did Dr. Puffer piss you off? I’d sure like to hurt him real bad if he pissed you off.
No, Ray. I’m not pissed off at him too bad, just yet.
So Dr. Puffer, I shall summarize for you. The Media Liberal and its merciless penchant for rooting out homo haters, is, in addition to the hard work of organizing the Trickle Down, also a root cause of our patriotic Homeland Congressional leadership’s collective memory loss. I can certainly see how those patriotic Homeland leaders in Congress, believing male teen sodomy to be about the worst sin ever, would be really hesitant to expose a potential sodomite. Goodness gracious, they must have all lost lots of sleep fretting about that. My goodness, I can certainly put myself in the shoes of those poor Congressmen. “Goodness,” I would think to myself, “Should I tattle on this potential worst sinner of all time, and expose to the Media Liberal that I personally disapprove of the worst potential sin, ever. Goodness!!!!” Why such a situation is almost like a Druid Dichotomy. And those poor Congressmen have no training at all for handling Druid Dichotomies. Goodness! Well, Dr. Puffer, I see we’re out of time. Ray, could you see that Dr. Puffer gets out of the studio, safely.
You betchum Hope. Come along now Dr. Puffer. Say, that sure is a nice watch you have on there. There’s a great many little red-headed orphans who would certainly like that fine wristwatch.
posted by ray pistrum at Thursday, October 05, 2006
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