Ray's Rainfall Update Plus the Demon Mammon Gives the Conservative Intelligentsia a Pep Talk
All righty. The gauge is up and running again, normally. Last night it collected about 0.10". So the new, all important total for DY 1, Day 252 is, 43.08". Yepper. The CB has surpassed 43". Praise the Goddess!
_____
Yet elsewhere, many are afflicted by this or that. For example, if the late Senator Goldwater is your personal savior, master, savant of choice, or daddy rabbit, you may be thinking, uh, I am lost in this wilderness of sin.
Well you are, all righty then, lost. But remember, you get what you deserve. Besides, those are just crocodile tears on your cheeks. Crocodile tears won’t hurt you.
Let’s see now. What are some potential introductions to a story relating the long term adventures of a young, free, American boy, one of US, setting out to preserve his storage capacity rights and reduce his taxes?
Er. How about this one? I just wanted to be free to enjoy my personal storage capacity and lower my taxes, but I wound up sucking ****s in the airport comfort station. Boo-hoo-hoo.
Or. There I was, safe in my personal storage area comfort station. Senator Goldwater stared down at me from the poster on the wall. Did Senator Goldwater enjoy watching me masturbate? I could never figure that out. Sometimes from his expression it seemed like he liked me OK. But then sometimes, I felt like he hated me. Boo-hoo-hoo.
But never mind all that. Here’s the Demon Mammon. The Demon Mammon shall buck you conservative intellectuals up.
_____
The Demon Mammon Bucks Up the Conservative Intelligentsia with a Pep Talk
Yepper. Here is the conservative think tank intellegentsia undergoing a spot of reflection. Oh, the spilt milk. Oh, the crocodile tears. Oh, we need to get back to our original focus on smaller government, lower taxes and protecting our personal storage rights. Huh-huh-huh-huh!
That’s me, the Demon Mammon chuckling. I invented crocodile tears. Yes, I, the Demon Mammon appreciate the crocodile tears of my conservative think tank intellectuals for what they are, crocodile tears. Yet I must now remonstrate gently with you, my chubby think tank intellectuals.
Stop that whining you miserable chubby intellectuals. Remember what it was like, back then, before Nuncle Ronnie. Nobody liked you. Everyone laughed at you. But then, thanks to me, the Demon Mammon, you began to realize that many might appreciate you more if you were part of a coalition.
Yepper. In the post Nuncle Ronnie world, everybody that appreciates small government, lower taxes, and sacrosanct plus secret, personal storage is part of a grand coalition that includes even conservative intellectuals. Never mind that in the post Nuncle Ronnie world, government is super bigger, taxes are larruping and personal storage rights are, well, more exclusive than ever.
You conservative intellectuals belong these days to that coalition. Everyone in the coalition likes you, appreciates you, lets you blather on the important radio, newspaper and TV venues. Plus you get to suck, uh, I mean you get to actually associate with all your coalition partners and have social intercourse with them sometimes. Heck! Lots of those coalition partners are real men, captains of industry and progress, mostly white guys, just like you. Those coalition partners make things happen. Sometimes, though, they need a little help from the government. Like maybe they need a little grant, loan or contract from the government. Mostly they need stuff from the government that will make US safer. So it is only right that those particular coalition partners, the real go getter white guys, should also be the same difference as the government. That way, since those particular go getters are also the government, they have cut out the wasteful middle men plus all the wasteful red tape that sissy middle men and ladies and other assorted children and weaklings thrive on. Think of all the taxes that will save US in the long run, maybe.
Unless the terrorism, or the virtual terrorism, gets really bad, then, of course, the taxes may go up a smidgin. The go getters may need a few more tax dollars to protect US, and the government may grow just a smidgin, just to protect US.
Who else is in the coalition? Oops. None other than the family values bunch. They are in the coalition because they are fraidy cats. Boo! Huh-huh-huh!
Look at those miserable cowards. How they snivel. How they wring their hands. Oooh! We’re scared. We need somebody big and strong to protect our way of life and our lifestyle.
Yes, they are the weak link in the coalition. But they vote. But they donate money. But they pay taxes. So my conservative intellectuals, you need to be nice to them. Tell them they are good and kindly. Tell them their way of life is the best. Tell them they built this country. Tell them, Jesus is their pal.
Now, chubby intellectuals, let’s brainstorm all the stuff the family values bunch is scared of. Then once we get a nice list, we shall eliminate all the useless items and keep the useful, most scary items. OK. Everyone ready to shout out scary items. Begin!
Millions of illegal aliens swarming all over US. Criminals. Queers. Muslims. Abortion. Negroes. Beggars. Retards. Mexicans. Getting caught with dope. Getting caught with porn. Faggots. Spear Chuckers. Welfare. Taxes. Public Schools. Muslim Terrorists. Plagues. Snakes. Demons. Foreign terrorists. Burglars. Credit checks. Queers, I mean gays. Homosexuals. Homeless sex offenders. Homeless beggars. Sexually transmitted diseases. Queer relatives. Relative queers. Audits. Same sex lifestyles. Alien queers. Muslim fascists. Fascist Muslims. Red tape. Communists. Bicycles. Wild animals. Internet porn. Getting caught cheating on my taxes. Lazy Negroes. Insects. Ticks. Spiders. Switch blades. Razors. Trespassers. Roller skates that can be adjusted to fit any shoe. Mass murderers. Hugo Chavez. Castro. Other Mexicans. Rats. Vermin. Flag burning. Salad. Radical Islam. Prophylactics. Gas lines. Pedestrians. Being queer. Getting caught with a whore, I mean, prostitution. Gangs. Going to prison. Getting caught doing insider trading. Getting caught in general. Having to apologize for getting caught, on TV. My Congressman is a pervert. Mushroom clouds. Terrorist school bus drivers. Bugs. Godless atheism. Negroes. Islamic fascists. Illegal alien terrorists teaching evolution in the public schools. Diseases. Germs. Tall grass and weeds. Professional perverts, like what if your lawyer is also a pervert. Pervert trial lawyers. A pervert trial lawyer taking advantage of a first time participant in a class action lawsuit who may also be a secret pervert. Perverts in general. Dope smugglers. White slavery. Chiggers. Negroes. Mad Cow Disease. My preacher is a pervert. My wife is a pervert. Junior may be a pervert. Killer Negro perverts. Sexual predators. Communicable diseases. Marriage between humans and other species. Like maybe this lady decides to marry her dog, Lassie. So then Lassie could collect social security or maybe visit this lady in the hospital. Or maybe this lady could do some kind of welfare fraud because she was married to her dog.
All righty then. It looks like we are starting to see a little redundancy in the brainstorming session. So let’s narrow all these fears down to a few useful really scary ones. We can use the really scary ones to keep the family values bunch happy. OK. Let me just cross out this one and those, and these over here and lump a few of these together and we are left with:
Radical Islamic terrorist fascists. Mushroom clouds. Getting caught. Perverts. Negroes, I mean, Crime. Nature. Diseases.
There now.
OK. Your assignment, my chubby conservative intellectuals, is to work all these remaining items into a simple talking point the family values bunch can understand well enough to repeat.
Do you understand all that? Sigh. I thought not. Let me give you an example.
OK. That gives you conservative intellectuals something to go on. Get to work. And don’t think you get Monday off, either. I want your talking points on my desk, Monday morning, 11 AM sharp. No time and a half, either.
_____
Yet elsewhere, many are afflicted by this or that. For example, if the late Senator Goldwater is your personal savior, master, savant of choice, or daddy rabbit, you may be thinking, uh, I am lost in this wilderness of sin.
Well you are, all righty then, lost. But remember, you get what you deserve. Besides, those are just crocodile tears on your cheeks. Crocodile tears won’t hurt you.
Let’s see now. What are some potential introductions to a story relating the long term adventures of a young, free, American boy, one of US, setting out to preserve his storage capacity rights and reduce his taxes?
Er. How about this one? I just wanted to be free to enjoy my personal storage capacity and lower my taxes, but I wound up sucking ****s in the airport comfort station. Boo-hoo-hoo.
Or. There I was, safe in my personal storage area comfort station. Senator Goldwater stared down at me from the poster on the wall. Did Senator Goldwater enjoy watching me masturbate? I could never figure that out. Sometimes from his expression it seemed like he liked me OK. But then sometimes, I felt like he hated me. Boo-hoo-hoo.
But never mind all that. Here’s the Demon Mammon. The Demon Mammon shall buck you conservative intellectuals up.
_____
The Demon Mammon Bucks Up the Conservative Intelligentsia with a Pep Talk
Yepper. Here is the conservative think tank intellegentsia undergoing a spot of reflection. Oh, the spilt milk. Oh, the crocodile tears. Oh, we need to get back to our original focus on smaller government, lower taxes and protecting our personal storage rights. Huh-huh-huh-huh!
That’s me, the Demon Mammon chuckling. I invented crocodile tears. Yes, I, the Demon Mammon appreciate the crocodile tears of my conservative think tank intellectuals for what they are, crocodile tears. Yet I must now remonstrate gently with you, my chubby think tank intellectuals.
Stop that whining you miserable chubby intellectuals. Remember what it was like, back then, before Nuncle Ronnie. Nobody liked you. Everyone laughed at you. But then, thanks to me, the Demon Mammon, you began to realize that many might appreciate you more if you were part of a coalition.
Yepper. In the post Nuncle Ronnie world, everybody that appreciates small government, lower taxes, and sacrosanct plus secret, personal storage is part of a grand coalition that includes even conservative intellectuals. Never mind that in the post Nuncle Ronnie world, government is super bigger, taxes are larruping and personal storage rights are, well, more exclusive than ever.
You conservative intellectuals belong these days to that coalition. Everyone in the coalition likes you, appreciates you, lets you blather on the important radio, newspaper and TV venues. Plus you get to suck, uh, I mean you get to actually associate with all your coalition partners and have social intercourse with them sometimes. Heck! Lots of those coalition partners are real men, captains of industry and progress, mostly white guys, just like you. Those coalition partners make things happen. Sometimes, though, they need a little help from the government. Like maybe they need a little grant, loan or contract from the government. Mostly they need stuff from the government that will make US safer. So it is only right that those particular coalition partners, the real go getter white guys, should also be the same difference as the government. That way, since those particular go getters are also the government, they have cut out the wasteful middle men plus all the wasteful red tape that sissy middle men and ladies and other assorted children and weaklings thrive on. Think of all the taxes that will save US in the long run, maybe.
Unless the terrorism, or the virtual terrorism, gets really bad, then, of course, the taxes may go up a smidgin. The go getters may need a few more tax dollars to protect US, and the government may grow just a smidgin, just to protect US.
Who else is in the coalition? Oops. None other than the family values bunch. They are in the coalition because they are fraidy cats. Boo! Huh-huh-huh!
Look at those miserable cowards. How they snivel. How they wring their hands. Oooh! We’re scared. We need somebody big and strong to protect our way of life and our lifestyle.
Yes, they are the weak link in the coalition. But they vote. But they donate money. But they pay taxes. So my conservative intellectuals, you need to be nice to them. Tell them they are good and kindly. Tell them their way of life is the best. Tell them they built this country. Tell them, Jesus is their pal.
Now, chubby intellectuals, let’s brainstorm all the stuff the family values bunch is scared of. Then once we get a nice list, we shall eliminate all the useless items and keep the useful, most scary items. OK. Everyone ready to shout out scary items. Begin!
Millions of illegal aliens swarming all over US. Criminals. Queers. Muslims. Abortion. Negroes. Beggars. Retards. Mexicans. Getting caught with dope. Getting caught with porn. Faggots. Spear Chuckers. Welfare. Taxes. Public Schools. Muslim Terrorists. Plagues. Snakes. Demons. Foreign terrorists. Burglars. Credit checks. Queers, I mean gays. Homosexuals. Homeless sex offenders. Homeless beggars. Sexually transmitted diseases. Queer relatives. Relative queers. Audits. Same sex lifestyles. Alien queers. Muslim fascists. Fascist Muslims. Red tape. Communists. Bicycles. Wild animals. Internet porn. Getting caught cheating on my taxes. Lazy Negroes. Insects. Ticks. Spiders. Switch blades. Razors. Trespassers. Roller skates that can be adjusted to fit any shoe. Mass murderers. Hugo Chavez. Castro. Other Mexicans. Rats. Vermin. Flag burning. Salad. Radical Islam. Prophylactics. Gas lines. Pedestrians. Being queer. Getting caught with a whore, I mean, prostitution. Gangs. Going to prison. Getting caught doing insider trading. Getting caught in general. Having to apologize for getting caught, on TV. My Congressman is a pervert. Mushroom clouds. Terrorist school bus drivers. Bugs. Godless atheism. Negroes. Islamic fascists. Illegal alien terrorists teaching evolution in the public schools. Diseases. Germs. Tall grass and weeds. Professional perverts, like what if your lawyer is also a pervert. Pervert trial lawyers. A pervert trial lawyer taking advantage of a first time participant in a class action lawsuit who may also be a secret pervert. Perverts in general. Dope smugglers. White slavery. Chiggers. Negroes. Mad Cow Disease. My preacher is a pervert. My wife is a pervert. Junior may be a pervert. Killer Negro perverts. Sexual predators. Communicable diseases. Marriage between humans and other species. Like maybe this lady decides to marry her dog, Lassie. So then Lassie could collect social security or maybe visit this lady in the hospital. Or maybe this lady could do some kind of welfare fraud because she was married to her dog.
All righty then. It looks like we are starting to see a little redundancy in the brainstorming session. So let’s narrow all these fears down to a few useful really scary ones. We can use the really scary ones to keep the family values bunch happy. OK. Let me just cross out this one and those, and these over here and lump a few of these together and we are left with:
Radical Islamic terrorist fascists. Mushroom clouds. Getting caught. Perverts. Negroes, I mean, Crime. Nature. Diseases.
There now.
OK. Your assignment, my chubby conservative intellectuals, is to work all these remaining items into a simple talking point the family values bunch can understand well enough to repeat.
Do you understand all that? Sigh. I thought not. Let me give you an example.
It would be a crime of the blackest sort, if US allowed radical Islamic terrorists to pervert the once clean air over US with mushroom clouds. It would be a crime against human nature, if we, the good and kindly folks of the US got caught with our pants down. Common sense indicates that such a cowardly terrorist act, if we got caught simultaneously with our pants down, might well destroy our lifestyle and our way of life. Only the diseased mind of a pervert, or perhaps, the liberal ally of a diseased pervert, would allow something like that to happen. Yet all that will never happen if we, the good and kindly nice fellows are possibly responsible as deciders. We will do the hard work to make the homeland safer and securer. Praise Jesus.
OK. That gives you conservative intellectuals something to go on. Get to work. And don’t think you get Monday off, either. I want your talking points on my desk, Monday morning, 11 AM sharp. No time and a half, either.
posted by ray pistrum at Saturday, September 01, 2007
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