The Demon Mammon Advises, Write Polymorphous Eroticism into the Platform

Baptized in lying and gluttony, the twain worst sins, the average Mammonite Republican must look elsewhere for wicked thrills. Where better to seek out a little wickedness then, than the Men’s Comfort Station at the Minneapolis International Airport?

Jeez Louise! The time has come for the Mammonite Republicans to embrace polymorphous eroticism. Yepper. They need to put polymorphous eroticism in their platform. We, the Republican Party, in order to avoid the appearance of hypocrisy, do embrace the polymorphous yet erotic lifestyle. That way our elected officials and boosters will no longer embarrass the GOP in public. Because whatever we do, sex wise, is OK.

It is also OK, because we really are, nice fellows. Just ask us. We will tell you, we are really nice fellows.

Yepper. The Republicans need only embrace all the various sexual antics, officially. Then, the stalled progress they seek shall be granted to them lickety split. But hold it, some might holler. What happens to the family if daddy is polymorphous yet erotic.? Won’t his antics be a strain on the wife and the kiddies, especially the kiddies?

Easy that, course not. Because daddy’s high jinks are officially endorsed in the platform. So he’s OK. Plus, he is such a nice fellow.

But, but, but, some might holler, polymorphous eroticism is sinful.

Well. So are lying and gluttony. So, so what. It is time for the Mammonite Republicans to finally baptize themselves in all the Christian sins, as opposed to just most of them. What is needful is a clean break. Forget about the past. Stop crying over spilt milk. Start afresh, guilt free. Then, with a fresh start, what good progress shall be made.

But, but, but, but, some few might holler, we may all rot in Hades.

Well. So what. That’s a high probability in any event.

Uh! Can the ladies and kiddies, animals, some fruits and vegetables also be polymorphous yet erotic?

Easy that, no. That is going too far. Those groups are too silly for unsupervised polymorphous eroticism. Polymorphous eroticism shall be the exclusive province of Mammonite Republican men. All those other groups may participate, but only under the supervision of a responsible party.