Testimonials to the Power of Upup (Oooopoop)

Ha! None of the mass quantities of dumbasses have thought that Gravity was an important Hermaphroditic Deity except me. No. Instead they have thought of a bunch of nonsense on the topic, plus one poem. So I am home free. Pretty soon, the various Druid synods shall approve my new deity, Upup. Then, once I get Upup approved by Badgemagus and Nancy, I shall be that much further along as the only viable Sun God Trainee extant, anywhere.

Now I need a testimonial to my great achievement. Where's Crumby?

Here he is. Crumby, I need a testimonial, asap.

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Crumby's Testimonial

OK. Once upon a time I, Crumby Ovate, aspired to great heights. Up and up and on up I headed. Higher and higher I headed out and up. Many exclaimed, Crumby, come on down from there, you are likely to fall and bust your noggin. On upward I climbed. The trip up was long and perilous. I was like to lose my balance. I was weary. The wearier I waxed, the more likely I was to lose my balance and topple on off my great height. Up, up, up.

Anon, I was up pretty high up. Then Upup spake. Crumby, if you don't get down from there of your own volition I shall cast you down, constantly accelerating you at 9.8m/sec, squared.

Mercy! I cried. I shall climb on down then. Praise be to Upup!
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That's it, Crumby? That's your testimonial?

Yepper Ray, a true testimonial that actually happened just like that.

Well, all righty then fer ye, Crumby Ovate. Er. I know, I shall get a testimonial from my beautiful girlfriend, Olwen White Track, Moon Goddess. Olwen's testimonial shall be way better than Crumby's.

Olwen darling, could you come to the laboratory, please.

Sure. What's up, Ray, sugar?

I could really use a testimonial to the Power of Upup.
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Olwen’s Testimonial

The tide rolls in, the tide rolls out,
The tunicate are sloshed about.
Out hustles a larva to find some stratum
Relies upon the tide to tug um.
The tide is strong, the tide is weak
The tide is right for a stratum to seek.
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How’s that Ray, sugar?

Huh! I don’t get it! What’s that have to do with Upup?

Why everything, Ray, sweetie. You may have forgotten, Ray, about the little tunicate. They are out there, Ray, in the ocean, sloshed about. Yes Ray. There they are, little gooey sacs, plump with gonads, attached to a stratum by one foot, gently rocked to and fro, gooey sacs, their gonads plump, bulging. Then, suddenly, out pops a larva, off it swims, tidally influenced.

Yes Ray. Not only does the tide help the little larva along to a new, happy stratum on which to habitate, the gentle rocking of the tide, stimulates the gonads inside the gooey sac to plump up and bulge. Not only that, the tide helps the tunicate decide which sex it is, or both.

Like the song spells, The tide is high and I’m moving on, I want to be your number one.

Er. Olwen darling, I was fixing to go for my delicious cinnamon bun. Yet I find myself plumping up.

That’s Upup working on you Ray, sugar. Yes Ray. Upup works on you too. That’s because, deep down in your genome Ray, there abides a tunicate-like ancestor, a gooey sac, bulging with gonads.

All righty then. The cinnamon bun can wait. I am seduced.