Crumby Does an Ovation, That Some Call, Prediction
OK. Soon I may get the opportunity of a lifetime. But before that happens, I have a prediction. But before I predict, I shall state some facts. My miserable C 5060 WZ is in California. It arrived there Monday. I made daily attempts since Tuesday, wishing to ascertain whether it had arrived at the Customer Service and Repair Center in California safely. Daily, I was spelled that Olympus never heard of me or my miserable camera. So today, Thursday, I called them up.
Yes, your camera arrived Monday.
It did?
Yes. We were waiting for confirmation from you, allowing us to fix your camera.
Go ahead and fix it. 106 smackeroos, right.
No. The fee is 167, plus tax = 182 and change.
The first guy told me 106. He said that was the flat fee for the C 5060.
He made a mistake. The number he was reading may have been smudged or something. He should have said 167, not 106.
Well go ahead and fix it.
_____
The above is the short version. The long version of this conversation is longer. I have shortened it up, above, emphasizing just the facts of CASE: RQID xxxxxx aka xxxxxx.
All righty then. I do not know whether dysfunctional online tracking of arrival/repair status, contradictory fix it cost quotes, defective software and defective cameras are the standard for the electropictoid industry, or peculiar to my brand, Olympus. It is impossible to find that out. No one knows. People buy stuff that turns out crap, yet lie about it, talking up how swell it is. Consequently, most of the information on electropictoid cameras comes straight from the manufacturer, or dopey customers who bought the camera and lie about how swell it is. Even unbiased reviews of the camera are biased. Just ask anybody whose camera got an unbiased bad review.
That said, the electropictoid gear forums are excellent sources of reassuringly useless information like, All the modern electropictoid devices are capable of taking excellent pictures; and, It’s not the camera, it’s the photographer.
Well guess what? It’s not the photographer if the camera is broke. And all the modern electropictoid devices are not capable of taking excellent pictures if they are all broke.
So what I would like to know is, are any of the Digital Cameras that cost less than a new car, even semi-reliable. Or, are they guaranteed to be broke, previous to the next model release.
But I have no way of finding that out. It is impossible. So, if I ever need another camera, I shall make a random choice. That’s right. Each potential camera purchase shall be assigned an eleven digit random number. Whichever random number has the most 4's in it, I shall purchase that camera.
Whoa! What if the number of 4s in the eleven digit random number creates a tie situation, or even a multiple tie situation. OK. Then, if that happens, I shall play, eeney meeney, miney, moe.
How many electropictoid camera manufacturers advertise the durability and longevity of their products? None of them. No, they all advertise features and functionality. Swell! Yet when the camera melts or explodes, that camera is off to California. By the time it gets back from California, it is obsolete. Which is just as well because it shall soon be broke again, anticipating the six month fix it warranty nadir.
Yet perhaps the manufacturers are going too easy on US consumers. After all, we get what we deserve. Broke cameras could go to Outer Mongolia for repair, not just California. That’s right. All the camera manufacturers could easily move their repair facilities to Outer Mongolia. Then require that all the broke cameras must be personally toted to Mongolia by their owners, traveling only at night on two humped camels.
Here I am at the Outer Mongolia Customer Service and Repair Center. I shall dismount. Down, camel. Kneel camel. That’s a good camel. Yes, you are a good camel. Yer such a good camel. Mercy! Now where do I line up? Here we go.
Mr. Ovate, you will need to fill out this form. Please carefully print out all your answers so they are legible.
Uh huh. All righty then, let me just look this puppy over, four pages plus a couple of carbon paper, pages. Well, at least I don’t have to type it.
First question:
1) So that we may fix your camera properly, we need to know about your religious convictions. Once we know that, we shall enlist the help of the Sun God Trainee of your choice for the camera fix. For example, Jesus can help fix your camera. Do you choose Jesus or ______? Write in the blank, Who is your personal savior?
Dern it! I bet the WG won’t help fix my camera. She’s like that. No help, when it comes down to fixing a gizmo.
____
A Test of Vanity
A while back there was a poet. This particular poet went by the name, Petey. Not only was Petey a passable poet, he was good looking, exceeding in beauty or handsomeness the looks of many beautiful ladies. Yet he lacked that ethereal quality of some ladies. You know that ethereal quality some ladies have? Makes you wonder if they ever eat.
Anyway, this handsome young poet, Petey, determined that he needed to fornicate with a young lady or two at least as pretty as himself. Why he even considered the possibility of matrimony if the lady in question was as beautiful as himself. So he set to work, planning all that.
Then one fine day, three ladies are having some delicious libations and chocolate nougats together in their castle. These ladies are, Cerridwen, Arianrhod and Blodeuedd.
Seems like a very handsome boy is importuning Us. Sounds like a job for You, Blodeuedd. I am too old and impatient, Arianrhod is too satirical. That leaves You.
Well my goodness gracious! A suitor. I shall need a new outfit. I shall go shopping.
Me too. Me too.
Once everyone finished their delicious libations and chocolate nougats, they all went shopping.
Meantime, the beautiful young poet importuned the Goddess. Please send me some really, especially beautiful young lady to fornicate with. Only, he flowered his plea up more. Way more. I can not due him justice. Plus I can not remember his poetic plea, verbatim.
Blodeuedd was impressed. I shall date this young poet. For a good time, call, Me. Off She went.
Later, the twain young lovers sat together in soulful post fornication reflection. Though they sat together, they were not all together, together.
I am tired of this one, conjectured the young poet. This one may be OK, but I can get a better one. Maybe I can get a better one, yet keep this one too, on the side. Huh-huh.
But Blodeuedd thought, hmmm. You certainly are the prettiest boy I have fornicated with in maybe a week. But you are not quite so pretty as you surmise yourself to be. My opinion is, you need a test. What kind of test? Easy that, Call it a Test of Vanity.
You know Petey, darling. I once had a very nice brush and shears set, you know, personal grooming devices. That brush and shears matching set are exquisite; golden handles, inlaid pearls encrusted with diamonds, rubies, emeralds. They are so pretty, and valuable.
Uh huh.
Then too. Any regular person, or even a handsome young man such as yourself, wishing to pretty himself up, need only brush with that brush and shear with those shears. Then, as if by magic, that young man is restored to his most maximal beauty ever.
Are you listening, Petey sweety?
All righty then.
Hmmm. But the sad truth is, I lost my marvelous matched two piece grooming set. Then, somehow, that grooming set wound up between the ears of a horrid pig. I must have left my grooming set somewhere. Then that pig must have come rooting along. That must be how that brush and shears set got between Twrch Twryth’s ears. Bye now.
All righty then.
A short while later, Petey suddenly realized that the Goddess had abandoned him. Man alive, I am losing my looks. My poems suck. I can’t get a girlfriend. Boo-hoo-hoo. Hold it! She was yacking away about something or other. Magic combs, jewels on pigs, maximal beauty restored.
Ha! That’s it. I remember now. All I need to do is get that brush and shears set away from that pig.
A short while later, poor planning, plus poor plan execution, plus, annoying the pig, selected Petey out. So Petey never got his maximal beauty restored, or another girl friend. Yet, there is poetic justice to consider. For a short while, Petey was more appreciated after he was dead.
_____
So what’s your prediction, Crumby?
What prediction?
Yes, your camera arrived Monday.
It did?
Yes. We were waiting for confirmation from you, allowing us to fix your camera.
Go ahead and fix it. 106 smackeroos, right.
No. The fee is 167, plus tax = 182 and change.
The first guy told me 106. He said that was the flat fee for the C 5060.
He made a mistake. The number he was reading may have been smudged or something. He should have said 167, not 106.
Well go ahead and fix it.
_____
The above is the short version. The long version of this conversation is longer. I have shortened it up, above, emphasizing just the facts of CASE: RQID xxxxxx aka xxxxxx.
All righty then. I do not know whether dysfunctional online tracking of arrival/repair status, contradictory fix it cost quotes, defective software and defective cameras are the standard for the electropictoid industry, or peculiar to my brand, Olympus. It is impossible to find that out. No one knows. People buy stuff that turns out crap, yet lie about it, talking up how swell it is. Consequently, most of the information on electropictoid cameras comes straight from the manufacturer, or dopey customers who bought the camera and lie about how swell it is. Even unbiased reviews of the camera are biased. Just ask anybody whose camera got an unbiased bad review.
That said, the electropictoid gear forums are excellent sources of reassuringly useless information like, All the modern electropictoid devices are capable of taking excellent pictures; and, It’s not the camera, it’s the photographer.
Well guess what? It’s not the photographer if the camera is broke. And all the modern electropictoid devices are not capable of taking excellent pictures if they are all broke.
So what I would like to know is, are any of the Digital Cameras that cost less than a new car, even semi-reliable. Or, are they guaranteed to be broke, previous to the next model release.
But I have no way of finding that out. It is impossible. So, if I ever need another camera, I shall make a random choice. That’s right. Each potential camera purchase shall be assigned an eleven digit random number. Whichever random number has the most 4's in it, I shall purchase that camera.
Whoa! What if the number of 4s in the eleven digit random number creates a tie situation, or even a multiple tie situation. OK. Then, if that happens, I shall play, eeney meeney, miney, moe.
How many electropictoid camera manufacturers advertise the durability and longevity of their products? None of them. No, they all advertise features and functionality. Swell! Yet when the camera melts or explodes, that camera is off to California. By the time it gets back from California, it is obsolete. Which is just as well because it shall soon be broke again, anticipating the six month fix it warranty nadir.
Yet perhaps the manufacturers are going too easy on US consumers. After all, we get what we deserve. Broke cameras could go to Outer Mongolia for repair, not just California. That’s right. All the camera manufacturers could easily move their repair facilities to Outer Mongolia. Then require that all the broke cameras must be personally toted to Mongolia by their owners, traveling only at night on two humped camels.
Here I am at the Outer Mongolia Customer Service and Repair Center. I shall dismount. Down, camel. Kneel camel. That’s a good camel. Yes, you are a good camel. Yer such a good camel. Mercy! Now where do I line up? Here we go.
Mr. Ovate, you will need to fill out this form. Please carefully print out all your answers so they are legible.
Uh huh. All righty then, let me just look this puppy over, four pages plus a couple of carbon paper, pages. Well, at least I don’t have to type it.
First question:
1) So that we may fix your camera properly, we need to know about your religious convictions. Once we know that, we shall enlist the help of the Sun God Trainee of your choice for the camera fix. For example, Jesus can help fix your camera. Do you choose Jesus or ______? Write in the blank, Who is your personal savior?
Dern it! I bet the WG won’t help fix my camera. She’s like that. No help, when it comes down to fixing a gizmo.
____
A Test of Vanity
A while back there was a poet. This particular poet went by the name, Petey. Not only was Petey a passable poet, he was good looking, exceeding in beauty or handsomeness the looks of many beautiful ladies. Yet he lacked that ethereal quality of some ladies. You know that ethereal quality some ladies have? Makes you wonder if they ever eat.
Anyway, this handsome young poet, Petey, determined that he needed to fornicate with a young lady or two at least as pretty as himself. Why he even considered the possibility of matrimony if the lady in question was as beautiful as himself. So he set to work, planning all that.
Then one fine day, three ladies are having some delicious libations and chocolate nougats together in their castle. These ladies are, Cerridwen, Arianrhod and Blodeuedd.
Seems like a very handsome boy is importuning Us. Sounds like a job for You, Blodeuedd. I am too old and impatient, Arianrhod is too satirical. That leaves You.
Well my goodness gracious! A suitor. I shall need a new outfit. I shall go shopping.
Me too. Me too.
Once everyone finished their delicious libations and chocolate nougats, they all went shopping.
Meantime, the beautiful young poet importuned the Goddess. Please send me some really, especially beautiful young lady to fornicate with. Only, he flowered his plea up more. Way more. I can not due him justice. Plus I can not remember his poetic plea, verbatim.
Blodeuedd was impressed. I shall date this young poet. For a good time, call, Me. Off She went.
Later, the twain young lovers sat together in soulful post fornication reflection. Though they sat together, they were not all together, together.
I am tired of this one, conjectured the young poet. This one may be OK, but I can get a better one. Maybe I can get a better one, yet keep this one too, on the side. Huh-huh.
But Blodeuedd thought, hmmm. You certainly are the prettiest boy I have fornicated with in maybe a week. But you are not quite so pretty as you surmise yourself to be. My opinion is, you need a test. What kind of test? Easy that, Call it a Test of Vanity.
You know Petey, darling. I once had a very nice brush and shears set, you know, personal grooming devices. That brush and shears matching set are exquisite; golden handles, inlaid pearls encrusted with diamonds, rubies, emeralds. They are so pretty, and valuable.
Uh huh.
Then too. Any regular person, or even a handsome young man such as yourself, wishing to pretty himself up, need only brush with that brush and shear with those shears. Then, as if by magic, that young man is restored to his most maximal beauty ever.
Are you listening, Petey sweety?
All righty then.
Hmmm. But the sad truth is, I lost my marvelous matched two piece grooming set. Then, somehow, that grooming set wound up between the ears of a horrid pig. I must have left my grooming set somewhere. Then that pig must have come rooting along. That must be how that brush and shears set got between Twrch Twryth’s ears. Bye now.
All righty then.
A short while later, Petey suddenly realized that the Goddess had abandoned him. Man alive, I am losing my looks. My poems suck. I can’t get a girlfriend. Boo-hoo-hoo. Hold it! She was yacking away about something or other. Magic combs, jewels on pigs, maximal beauty restored.
Ha! That’s it. I remember now. All I need to do is get that brush and shears set away from that pig.
A short while later, poor planning, plus poor plan execution, plus, annoying the pig, selected Petey out. So Petey never got his maximal beauty restored, or another girl friend. Yet, there is poetic justice to consider. For a short while, Petey was more appreciated after he was dead.
_____
So what’s your prediction, Crumby?
What prediction?
posted by ray pistrum at Saturday, December 01, 2007
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