Magnus the Busboy, Part 6

Part 6

What is done can not be undone.

That’s right. But I, the WG, can stop this foolishness before all this foolishness gets totally out of hand. First thing I need to do is animate my pig. Twrch Trwyth, you are animated. Now go back inside. You have over stimulated those little dogs.

But WG, I can handle those little dogs. Once I get off the porch that incessant barking shall turn to pitiable whimpering.

No you shall not handle those little dogs. No arguments. Go on now. There’s a good pig.

Dejectedly, the sometimes gigantic pig, Twrch Trwyth, turned himself about, miserably fixing to head back through the crack. Like all good pets, Twrch Trwyth was obedient. Yet he wanted the WG to feel guilty about sending him inside. Twrch Trwyth, therefore, employed body language to express his sadness. His tail, ordinally an upwardly spiraled corkscrew, hung sadly limp. His great shoulder hump flopped over sideways. His head hung low. Tears welled from his beady eyes. Twrch Trwyth was at that moment, the fourth most pitiful looking pig ever.

Stop that sulking. Go on now. You can watch from inside.

Pitifully, Twrch Trwyth headed inside, delaying his journey only briefly to enjoy a nice scratch on the crack.

Now what about my busboy. Hmmm. Not much I can do about him. Magnus may have to suffer the consequences of his obliging nature. But then, there is that expensive telescope to consider. What if Magnus breaks his fall on top of that expensive telescope? I would be liable. Can’t have that. Land sakes! Who shall help a poor old lady like myself out of this conundrum?

I know. I shall consult with the responsible party, Upup, the God of Gravity. Are you there, mighty Upup?

Yes. It is I, Upup, the God of Gravity, I am almost everywhere. Why WG, have you committed a localized suspension of space and time in defiance of many of the known laws of physics?

Well, mighty Upup, I was annoyed by the direction progress was taking in my front yard. An old lady like me can only take so much perturbation. Yet localized progress was fixing to exceed my limits. That’s why I stopped all that foolishness. You, in turn, mighty Upup, may espy that my obliging busboy, Magnus, is fixing to take a hard fall, and in so doing, taking the fall, may destroy the personal property of a potential paying customer.

I do see. But WG, what am I supposed to do? There are rules governing these sad events.

Yes, there are, mighty Upup. There are rules. Yet once in a while, we divine beings break the rules. Otherwise, what would be the point of divinity? Now what I want you to do is lessen up on your Force just a tiny bit. Say, by half , just for that mere second or two Magnus shall have before he bounces off his noggin or whatever. Hmmm. Make it a two-thirds reduction.

What’s in it for me?

A cuddle or two.

Done.

Now it is all up to Magnus. Surely, with the Force reduced to 1 /3 normal earth gravity, Magnus shall have all the time he needs to right himself, land on his feet like a cat, and save that expensive telescope. That expensive telescope might, otherwise, wind up in court as exhibit one.

So, once again, Magnus found himself risen to a fairly great height, just like Bran the Blessed, Talking Head, foretold. But this time, it took two divinities to save him from a terrible industrial accident.

Meantime Magnus was thinking. Goddess help me! Save me from the relentless force of Upup. I may get hurt. I may get killed. Why did I put myself in this dangerous situation? Why would anyone climb down a ladder, one handed with the other hand engaged in holding an expensive telescope? Why did I attempt to do that? I know. It is my early Druid training. They have brainwashed me into doing everything I am told . I no longer think about the consequences of my actions. I am like a simple machine, or perhaps like a complex machine, like my wheelbarrow, ignorantly responding to the inevitable importunes of everyone that requires some action of me. That’s it. I am just like my wheelbarrow. My wheelbarrow is an idiot, just like me. But no longer. From now on I shall certainly surmise this or that potential consequence before undertaking various potentially dangerous actions. Yes. Uh! Why am I not falling already? Oops, here I go.

Hold it. This fall is not proceeding so expeditiously. I have plenty of time to plan a course of action. Yes. I shall leap forth from this ladder. Then, if necessary, I shall somersault through mid-air, simultaneously clasping this expensive telescope to my breast. After that, I shall land on my feet, like a cat.