Ray's T for the D - How will rising gas prices afflict fatter babies?

As everyone knows, a surplus of fatter babies in Norte Americana has almost altered the Earth’s orbit. Yes. Due to the great mass of the fatter babies inequitably distributed across the planet’s surface, all, even the innocent, are threatened with annihilation or suffering. That is because the fatter babies are so preposterously fat, they are causing the Earth to wobble out of its normal orbit. Too much wobble, we all die or suffer. Yet there is always hope.

This time, hope arises from an unexpected quarter. Rising oil prices may save us, even the innocent, from the fatter babies. That is correct. Big oil may save everyone.

Here is how that shall work. The fatter babies require plenty of cheap oil, both to tote their big asses around, and to provide fertilizer for their grubber crops. Yet as oil prices rise, the fatter babies shall have to compete more vigorously for that oil. All that competition shall generate more heat. So the fatter babies shall lose some mass just do to all the exercise and resultant heat of competition. Also, and more importantly, anon, the competition shall intensify. The fattest, fatter babies shall hog most of the remaining oil so that the fatter, fatter babies shall have no choice but to slim down.

My ciphering indicates that due to several laws of physics, just a tiny few fattest fatter babies are less like to wobble the planet off into the stygian darkness of outer space than mass quantities of merely fatter babies. So I have now spelled out my hope for staving off the upcoming general annihilation or suffering.

Uh oh. My delicious cinnamon bun is fixing to be delivered. Gotta go!