The Central Texas Climate is Totally Fucked

Well. The Druids have long predicted that the Republicans were doing all the right stuff for transforming central Texas into a desert. Now, today, the Republicans are on the verge of success. Plus, we are all, locked in socked, no way out. That’s right. Central Texas, with the highest per capita energy use on the globe, and the highest per capita ownership of great vehicles and the highest per capita AC BTU whatever, and plenty of concrete and asphault is fixing to turn into a desert, thanks to its dumbass citizenry following Republican example and leadership. Yepper. We get what we deserve. We reap what we sow.

Meantime, all the land owners that were tardy unloading their properties to developers need to do that as hastily as possible. Like they need to start courting investors from Arabia. Those Arabs like deserts and won’t mind speculating on a burnt up piece of shit ranch or two, yet. See. There’s always hope. But landowners, you need to act now. You need to pray to Jesus, now. Yes. Ask Jesus for adequate financing so you can unload your property on to an unsuspecting Arab.

Meantime, Crumby’s bank just went belly up. Yikes! What’s happening to the adequate financing? Mercy! Praise the Goddess, some Spaniards stepped in and bought Crumby’s bank, possibly helping to secure the bank’s assets, a miserable portion of which are also Crumby’s assets. Crumby hopes his miserable assets are safe. Boo-hoo-hoo. Crumby needs those assets. Those assets represent Crumby’s last hope for eventual migration out of here. Mercy!

Consider the fort. The walls of that particular fort are like 15 feet thick. So a cowardly Spaniard huddled behind that wall, pissing himself, would be fairly safe or unlikely to get hit by a cannon ball. Consider also though the lookout or sentry posts which are those little turrets or whatever on the corners of the walls. How about those? Would a brave or round-chested Spaniard be safe from a cannonball while situated in one of those? I, Crumby, stood in one of those. I can now disclose to everyone that a Dutch or English cannonball scoring a direct hit on one of those structures would totally kill any occupant or sentry therein. Those lookout posts are not safe. The one Crumby was actually in was, apart from oil rigs, the most dangerous spot Crumby has ever been in or on except maybe the roof or a helicopter. Luckily for Crumby, the Dutch didn’t attack while Crumby was occupied, taking pictures out of the gun slit of that ominous turret. Mercy!