Our Enemy the Termite

Our Enemy the Termite is an actual book published in 1935. Yes. Termites have long been perceived as our enemy. That’s because they eat up our wood. Like termites at the Lady’s Restroom at the Cow Barn ate most of the wood. It cost about one or two tousand to fix the Lady’s Room plus get rid of the termites. That was many moons ago.

So I have been investigating the termite tube constructions areas. Sometimes these areas of tubes are quite big, maybe a tousand or two tousand square feet. Oh! After a careful yet methodical search, we have also discovered termite tubes at the CB. Mercy!

Naturally the Druids want to know which termites we are actually harboring since hardly anyone actually believes these termites are the benign species Termitanus mexicanus. They might be Termitanus mexicanus, but if so, they would need to also be a species not previously described in order to be the fantastic Termitanus mexicanus. Yes. I sort of made Termitanus mexicanus, up.

Last night I dreamed about termites. The dream termites were locked in a terrible, losing struggle with dream ants. Matter of fact, my dream was depicting the hideous events covered when the termites got accidentally assaulted by the ants. So I got to thinking, where are the soldier termites. Those soldier termites might kick some ant ass.

OK. This morning I was out early digging up termites with my yellow tomahawk. Like in the cowboy plus sissy movie, Yellow Tomahawk. I dug up like three groups. One group I temporarily captured. Yes. I captured like 30 termites. Then, once I captured those termites, I looked at them under the microscope.

All those termites were just worker termites. Like these. I espied nary a soldier all morning. Which makes me wonder, maybe these termites don’t have soldiers. However, all the older workers have nasty black mandibles with two teeth per mandible. They also all have less than 23 antenna segments. Plus, my termites appear to lack a fontanel. None of which information is the least bit helpful in determining my termites to species. Hmm. Maybe they are Termitanus mexicanus.

Apparently, nearly all the entomology related to termites has been carried out by pest managers like former Rep. 2 Tom Delay. Get it. Delay was a Republican Representative. Thus, Rep. 2. Damn it. This venue does not support superscripts. OK. Everyone is just going to need to pretend, the preceeding 2s are superscripts.

That may be why, (Delay was in charge), that there seems to be a scientific vacuum regarding my termites. Yes. No one cares about my termites. Everyone hates them. Everyone just wants to kill them. Kill my termites. That must be why I can’t find out much about my termites.

OH! One other fact I left out. The winged adults (alates) of this type termite, that I remember the look of from days gone by, are black. Like if I sit in my Lazy Boy with the back door open and the light on next to me, suddenly I may get swarmed by hundreds of these winged, sexually active, fixing to fornicate, termites. That’s happened like twice. One of those times was when they were eating the Lady’s Room. Mercy!