Water Treatment, Tejas Style
Naturally, the Capitol of the ROT needs a new water treatment plant. That’s because, as the dopey daily assures in its topmost editorial today, Austink “has been on a growth trajectory almost since it was founded in 1838.” So how the heck can the Capitol City continue to get along, like forever, with just two water treatment plants?
Yes. Hope and optimism have sprouted. Thanks to the recent rain sent by Jesus, Austink shall have water to treat. Yes. The water shall fall from the sky, more and more rain water to coincide with the anticipated growth trajectory. Praise Jesus! Yall say it with me. Purraise Je-sus!
Well OK. More treated water is an absolute necessity, given the growth trajectory. Also, and I really don’t care to harp on this, but more and more little migrant school children correlates with more and more little turds in the public and private school toilets. If those little turds don’t get flushed, if those little turds just sit in the toilets and eventually dry out, sometime down the road an archaeologist shall find those little petrified turds. There those turds, nay coprolites, shall be found, then described and written up in a journal. How embarrassing will that be for the Capitol City?
All righty then. Now that everyone is in agreement with Jesus that we need plenty more treated water, we need to decide which endangered species preserve to build the plant on. Thanks be to Jesus we have plenty of endangered species preserves set aside for new infrastructure projects. Plus, the greatest of all water engineer discoveries is that water runs down hill, so obviously Jesus picked those preserves as cost effective locations for water treatment plants. Lift up your eyes, unto the hills. Huh-huh. Purraise Je-sus!
Yes. Purraise Je-sus! But even Jesus likes to hear modern ideas for improving water service. OK. How about, if there were separate lines carrying treated water and untreated water. The treated water would go to the sink faucets and the untreated water would go everywhere else, like to the toilets. Or you could make the treatment optional for toilets at your house if you have cats that drink out of the toilets.
What about the treated water? What’s with chlorine? Why is it always boring chlorine? What about bourbon? Why not put a real treat in the water? Purraise Je-sus! There are plenty of other and maybe better substances or elements that could be put in the treated water besides boring chlorine. Like maybe swine flu vaccine or birth control medicine.
In summary, if the Capitol of the ROT is inevitably fixing to get another water treatment plant, we should at least try to make the treatment more interesting. We owe it to Jesus. Yall say it with me. Purraise Je-sus!
Yes. Hope and optimism have sprouted. Thanks to the recent rain sent by Jesus, Austink shall have water to treat. Yes. The water shall fall from the sky, more and more rain water to coincide with the anticipated growth trajectory. Praise Jesus! Yall say it with me. Purraise Je-sus!
Well OK. More treated water is an absolute necessity, given the growth trajectory. Also, and I really don’t care to harp on this, but more and more little migrant school children correlates with more and more little turds in the public and private school toilets. If those little turds don’t get flushed, if those little turds just sit in the toilets and eventually dry out, sometime down the road an archaeologist shall find those little petrified turds. There those turds, nay coprolites, shall be found, then described and written up in a journal. How embarrassing will that be for the Capitol City?
All righty then. Now that everyone is in agreement with Jesus that we need plenty more treated water, we need to decide which endangered species preserve to build the plant on. Thanks be to Jesus we have plenty of endangered species preserves set aside for new infrastructure projects. Plus, the greatest of all water engineer discoveries is that water runs down hill, so obviously Jesus picked those preserves as cost effective locations for water treatment plants. Lift up your eyes, unto the hills. Huh-huh. Purraise Je-sus!
Yes. Purraise Je-sus! But even Jesus likes to hear modern ideas for improving water service. OK. How about, if there were separate lines carrying treated water and untreated water. The treated water would go to the sink faucets and the untreated water would go everywhere else, like to the toilets. Or you could make the treatment optional for toilets at your house if you have cats that drink out of the toilets.
What about the treated water? What’s with chlorine? Why is it always boring chlorine? What about bourbon? Why not put a real treat in the water? Purraise Je-sus! There are plenty of other and maybe better substances or elements that could be put in the treated water besides boring chlorine. Like maybe swine flu vaccine or birth control medicine.
In summary, if the Capitol of the ROT is inevitably fixing to get another water treatment plant, we should at least try to make the treatment more interesting. We owe it to Jesus. Yall say it with me. Purraise Je-sus!
posted by ray pistrum at Thursday, September 17, 2009
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