Pray for Peace
What do you need? Name your poison?
I’ll have a shot of irony. Mmm-boy. That was delicious. Let me have another. And another. One more makes four. There now. Four’s plenty.
Seems like on the eve of Baby Demon Mammon Day, some pray for peace. Even Druids pray for peace on Baby Demon Mammon Day Eve. Like Mr. Red Ears, Senor or Senior Druid at the CB, orders everyone to assemble under the live oak (Quercus virginiana) for sentence prayers. Though the prayers are only supposed to be one sentence long, like for example, Please Goddess send me some peace and quiet!, many get carried away, praying paragraphs, pages, chapters, whole dern tomes.
Crumby secretly believes that any duda that prays more than a sentence is putting on airs. Plus Crumby also believes that standing under the live oak, with his arms uplifted to the high heavens, listening to long winded sentence prayers is not peaceful. Crumby’s arms start to hurt. Crumby is bored. Crumby wishes he could do something else. Crumby wishes he could be somewhere else. Crumby asks the Goddess, Merciful WG, could you please either make them shut up or whisk me entirely out of here, dang it?
But the Goddess does nothing to help Crumby. No. She leaves him there under the live oak, arms aching, outstretched to the high heavens. Even Ray lets Crumby down. Yes. Ray prays two sentences. No. No. Now it’s Rayetta’s turn. No. No. No. No.
This agonizing festivity or ceremony starts out benignly enough. The fact is, it starts out really fun. Really fun because at first all Crumby has to do is climb up in the Celtis laevigata to cut the Phoradendron tomentosum. Crumby climbs on up, his trusty hand snips situated in a handy pocket. Then, once Crumby reaches a likely knot of the sacred parasite, he hand snips it. Then Ray is supposed to catch the rapidly accelerating mistletoe before it hits the ground.
Once a bunch of mistletoe is thus obtained, Crumby and Ray haul it over to the live oak. There amid the boughs of the live oak, Crumby and Ray tie on the mistletoe. The best string for tying up the mistletoe in the live oak is dental floss. However, dental floss is not mandatory. Any string will do. But dental floss works best.
Alas though. Once the mistletoe gets tied up in the live oak, the fun is over and the sentence prayers begin.
Interestingly, if the Cow Barn was situated within the range of Phoradendron villosum the fun part of the ceremony would be toast. That’s right. Phoradendron villosum actually grows on oaks. So if the CB was out in that habitat, the sentence prayers might commence without the fun preliminary. So Crumby does get some peace from the absence of Phoradendron villosum.
I’ll have a shot of irony. Mmm-boy. That was delicious. Let me have another. And another. One more makes four. There now. Four’s plenty.
Seems like on the eve of Baby Demon Mammon Day, some pray for peace. Even Druids pray for peace on Baby Demon Mammon Day Eve. Like Mr. Red Ears, Senor or Senior Druid at the CB, orders everyone to assemble under the live oak (Quercus virginiana) for sentence prayers. Though the prayers are only supposed to be one sentence long, like for example, Please Goddess send me some peace and quiet!, many get carried away, praying paragraphs, pages, chapters, whole dern tomes.
Crumby secretly believes that any duda that prays more than a sentence is putting on airs. Plus Crumby also believes that standing under the live oak, with his arms uplifted to the high heavens, listening to long winded sentence prayers is not peaceful. Crumby’s arms start to hurt. Crumby is bored. Crumby wishes he could do something else. Crumby wishes he could be somewhere else. Crumby asks the Goddess, Merciful WG, could you please either make them shut up or whisk me entirely out of here, dang it?
But the Goddess does nothing to help Crumby. No. She leaves him there under the live oak, arms aching, outstretched to the high heavens. Even Ray lets Crumby down. Yes. Ray prays two sentences. No. No. Now it’s Rayetta’s turn. No. No. No. No.
This agonizing festivity or ceremony starts out benignly enough. The fact is, it starts out really fun. Really fun because at first all Crumby has to do is climb up in the Celtis laevigata to cut the Phoradendron tomentosum. Crumby climbs on up, his trusty hand snips situated in a handy pocket. Then, once Crumby reaches a likely knot of the sacred parasite, he hand snips it. Then Ray is supposed to catch the rapidly accelerating mistletoe before it hits the ground.
Once a bunch of mistletoe is thus obtained, Crumby and Ray haul it over to the live oak. There amid the boughs of the live oak, Crumby and Ray tie on the mistletoe. The best string for tying up the mistletoe in the live oak is dental floss. However, dental floss is not mandatory. Any string will do. But dental floss works best.
Alas though. Once the mistletoe gets tied up in the live oak, the fun is over and the sentence prayers begin.
Interestingly, if the Cow Barn was situated within the range of Phoradendron villosum the fun part of the ceremony would be toast. That’s right. Phoradendron villosum actually grows on oaks. So if the CB was out in that habitat, the sentence prayers might commence without the fun preliminary. So Crumby does get some peace from the absence of Phoradendron villosum.
posted by ray pistrum at Thursday, December 24, 2009
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