What Happened to Ray Pistrum?

Nobody knows precisely. Not even Ray. Yet sadly, Crumby’s bosom companion, Ray, wound up in physical therapy for a bad right shoulder. In Ray’s own words:

It was terrible Crumby. I couldn’t scratch or rub the back of my own noggin. I couldn’t finger my anus for medicinal purposes or excuses. I could barely withdraw a handkerchief from its customary habitat in a right hip pocket. And worst of all, I never did figure out what happened. It just suddenly started a-hurting and I lost the better part of half my movement on that side over night. I was crippled, I figured, maybe for life.

Yet most may know that this sort of pitiful affliction is usually the result of possession by one of your lesser demons. Not a super important demon such as Beelzebub or Mammon, but a nameless demon of small sort, maybe a lady or child demon, nevertheless, prancing with mischief.

Here’s how that may work. The demon jumps a person while he or she is unaware. Like maybe the person or victim of the demon is fixing to hoist a bicycle up by a tree limb while inebriated or stoned out of his or her mind. The demon, observing from a ways off, immediately sees its opportunity, then quickly pounces. Ordinarily the demon gains access through an orifice. Pores are too small. But there are several larger orifices familiar to many. Once the demon has pounced and gotten inside the victim via an orifice, in this example, Ray and one of Rays' major orifices, the demon usurps the motion or ability to move a particular limb or organ, while at the same time, that ability is denied to Ray. Then, instead of Ray getting to fully move his arm, the demon has possession of Ray’s arm and only the demon can move the arm the rest of the way it would normally move with no demon present. Surely everyone can see the common sense in that.

Ray had to go to therapy for two months, get an MRI, visit with a chiropractor, visit with an orthopedic surgeon, plus pay out big bucks to get shut of the minor demon. Plus, all the doctors would advise Ray, Could be worse. Could be cancer.

You probably know yourself that the cockiness of the Americano medicos and their whimsical disregard of the sickly Americano public is totally a function of the collapse of the Worldwide Communist Conspiracy. That’s right. With the Soviet Union, the last hope of the White Race gone to Hades, the millionaire doctors donated mass quantities of bribes to the pols for tort reform. Goodness! Those running dog doctors and pols no longer feared alienating the class conscious masses.

However, despite the demons and doctors, Ray is just about recovered. It’s a miracle. The demon has been cast out via physical therapy. However, Ray may never be entirely well again. Because, a wound inflicted by a demon may never fully heal. Ray may carry that wound for the rest of his life. Then, when Ray is super old, he will board an elf boat. And the elves will welcome old incontinent Ray. Yes. Ray shall pay off the nautical elves, then sail to within sight of the Blessed Isles. But of course, mere mortals are not allowed to actually set foot on the Blessed Isles. Mercy! The last anyone shall ever see of Ray is a gas bubble riding the tide.