Get Yer Yard Certified by a Genuine Druid as Wildlife Friendly

Yes. The Druids have finally decided to provide average individual property owners with a certificate that reflects on the recipients commitment to nature and/or the White Goddess. Yet unlike the typical bullshit backyard certification programs that emphasize totally environmentally bogus activities like rain water harvesting, the single Druid criteria for certification is the documented presence of wild rats in your yard. That’s right. If you aint got wild rats, you aint got wildlife habitat, and you aint doing your part vis-a-vis, Mother Nature.


So here we go.













This is an example of the kind of documentation you will need to provide before you may be certified as operating a Genuine Druid Certified Wildlife Friendly Yard. Note the hispid cotton rat enjoying a little bird feed that the birds dropped. See how cute this particular rat is. Cuteness is typical of your average wild rat.

Besides pictures of a wild rat or two, acceptable documentation would include; rat pellets, regurgitated owl pellets featuring wild rat parts, rats, dead or alive that your cat drug in, rats your dog threw up. Any of these is swell evidence that you have wild rats, a hugely important component of nature’s food chain in these or just about any, parts.


Like espy this bird.
















That’s a red-shouldered hawk on the lookout for a delicious wild rat.

So rush your documentation to Red’s Good Vs. Evil Cow Barn (RGVECB) and get your Genuine Druid Certifed Wildlife Friendly Yard certification as soon as an available Druid can check it out.

Mercy!