Adventures II - Free Advice Fer Cleaning Yer Optics

As has been noted previously within the general confines of this particular topic on numerous occasions, RGVECB, is a terminal consumer of optics ranging from linen testers and simple spectacles to telescopery. And all these optics are pretty much in constant use by humans and proto humans that may not be paragons of cleanliness next to Goddessliness. So the optics get dirty, er, perhaps nasty might be a better term to describe the particular condition of these optics, since dirt aint generally the problem. So yesterday I, Crumby Ovate, under the general supervision of the Goddess of Reality Checks, was dispatched to the grocery store to see if the grocery store had any optics cleaning fluid. But, of course, I couldn't find any optics cleaning fluid and no one in the store seemed to know where any optics cleaning fluid was, either.

In this sort of predicament at the grocery store I have found that the best solution to the predicament is to throw yerself on the mercy of the pharmacist. The pharmacist is generally the best informed person at the grocery store and generally knows where all the different items are distributed. So I went over to the pharmacist area and there were two pharmacists. One of the pharmacists was a pretty and efficient young lady, but she was talking on the phone. The other pharmacist was a gentleman of about my age in this iteration and he had a pony tail so I immediately recognized he was more intelligent than average.

So I inquired,

Excuse me sir, does this grocery story carry optics cleaning fluid?

Yes we do have some of that, but I can tell you, you don't want to use that. Here's what I use on all the pharmacy microscopes. It's a lens pen. See, it has a brush on one end, and on the other end it has a cleaning tip that never requires moistening. This pen is for normal cleaning chores, but if the optic is particularly nasty then I use these.

The pharmacist indicated an inch and a half square piece of tinfoil with alcohol swab spelled on it in blue letters. Then,

In sniper school you can't afford to have dirty optics. Dirty optics can slow you down and ruin your score. But with one of these pens and some alcohol swabs you can clean a lens expeditiously. What they would do in sniper school if you weren't watching your rifle is they would sneak up and smear chapstick on the rifle scope optics and if you didn't clean it up really fast, not being able to see out of the rifle scope would ruin your score.

And do you vend any of these pens or swabs at this grocery store, I inquired.

No, but you can get these pens on the internet, or I'll bet you can get them at the Academy.

Hmmmmm. I thought. But then I asked,

But do you have any optics cleaning fluid since that is what I am looking for now?

Yes, we do. See it's hanging on that top shelf right over there.

I then went over to the area indicated and carefully inspected the proferred optics cleaning fluid, but after the glowing account of the great and many benefits of the optics cleaning pen and the alcohol swabs, the little tubes of optics cleaning fluid seemed, well, measly and inadequate, to me. So I didn't purchase any and I felt guilty about that, not purchasing any, because of all the time the pharmacist/sniper had devoted, to me.

However, I departed that particular grocery store with new and valuable information and also with an eight piece sack of delicious fried chicken, a 12 pack of toilet paper and other commodities too numerous to account for in this venue.

Looky here what I found at the Academy! I have not used it yet, so I can't personally vouch, fer it.