Newflash! Crumby Ovate Claims Descent from Jesus!

Oh no. Oh well. Roll it Lomo.

This is Rayetta Pistrum, the LDR, reporting for the Druid News Service from Red’s Good Vs. Evil Cow Barn where today, Mr.Crumby Ovate is claiming to be descended from Jesus Christ. Mr. Ovate, do you actually have any evidence of any kind that you are a descendant of Jesus of Nazareth, the same Jesus that the Christians put forward as a sungod?

Er, first Rayetta, let me say how pretty you look today. No doubt your nice vacation from the rigors of regular reporting duties has worked wonders, and today, at any rate, and for the nonce, your visage is a lovely one to gaze upon. But you might work on that lipstick, fer some part of it has escaped yer lips.

Jeez Louise! Lomo cut! Red! Must I endure this? Crumby, I am gonna ***CENSORED***.

Now simmer down Rayetta. And yepper , ye do. Fer this will be good practice fer ye, a gettin’ back on the job, so ye may eventually roar back as round chested as ever ye were and go find out what that fatso Chitlin’ is up to at one of his many undisclosed locations.

But Red, this is simply an awful venue. Pretending to interview Crumby, and him standing there smirking, greasily, and getting to smart off as much as he wants.

It be just pretend Rayetta, and I doubt if Crumby will come up with somethin’ yer not apt to run across out yonder. This be good practice, fer ye.

Ohhh. Lala! it. All righty then. Roll it Lomo.

Oh my goodness. Some of my lipstick is displaced. Well isn’t that interesting. Mr. Ovate, would you care to make another off topic comment or two, or alternatively, would you like me to ***CENSORED***.

Whoa! Lomo cut! Dern it Rayetta. Ye need to be barely civil fer this here practice. Now start this here up over agin.

All righty then, Red. I, the LDR shall be barely civil. Roll it Lomo.

Why thank you for that nice compliment Mr. Ovate, and there, I’ll just take a minute to wipe all this lipstick off.

Aaaaaaaaaaaa! Let go of me Rayetta. She’s wipin’ her face on my shirt Red! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Cut! Dang it! All righty then! It’s just whut ye deserve Crumby and ye asked fer it. Start agin. Roll it Lomo.


So, Mr Ovate, what evidence havest thou that thy descent is from the water walker.

Well Rayetta, seriously speaking , I have always felt, you know, holier than thou.

So what. That’s your only evidence? Big deal.

But also, I have an artifact that was given to me by Jesus hisself, circuitously, and circuitously only due to the prolonged interlude between my presence here, versus his presence, here.

I see. You have an artifact that proves you are descended from Jesus that came to you over a great interlude of space and time. How precisely did you discover this artifact?

I found it at work. It mysteriously appeared in my cubicle at work, seemingly out of nowhere.

Um, hmmm. And what precisely is this artifact that has come to you, seemingly out of nowhere, Mr. Ovate?

It is a bone, Rayetta, the bone of a ratite that habitated those parts where Jesus hung out. Those ratites may still habitate there abouts, if they aint all been et up.

All righty then. I’m game for winding this up. Let’s see the bone, Crumby.

Ha! Here ‘tis. Indisputable artifactual proof.