Ray and Olwen Part 2-2
Ray snoozed happily on, or in near proximity to, the Ample Bosoms of the Goddess, unaware that a fractional component of the CB Druidry was, at that very moment, fixing to come save him. And Olwen cuddled up next to Ray. But at the Castle of Justice there was no such peace and contentment. For way down yonder in the stygian Chambers of the giant Upyeraholes, Chief Justice, Upyeraholes was annoyed to the point of extreme aggravations and vexations. And Upyeraholes did holler out his aggravations and vexations so that the entire Castle of Justice shook from the impacts of being assaulted by the sound waves toting those aggravations and vexations along through the air. Yea verily, all the minions and justice seekers in the castle heard the terrible hollering of Upyeraholes and also many of those in the neighborhood of the castle heard him too. But Upyeraholes wasn’t just hollering to be hollering like some do. Upyeraholes was hollering: 1) I been robbed and assaulted. 2) Anybody that comes down here and heps me will get a nice reward like an extra holiday, maybe, or some justice or some free loot. 3) But any of ye that don’t hep, shall live to regret it.
A great many of the minions or justice seekers hearkened to Upyeraholes’ hollering. For it was rumored that no peckers had been lost for a good while and that the slobber flood on the lower floors had generally receded. So some of the minions or justice seekers eventually fetched up in the general vicinity of the elevator that went down to B-665, and the fiercest or greediest or boldest or whatever, of all the minions or justice seekers shouldered their ways on board first. But the rest of them had to wait for the elevator to come back up.
The first bunch alit on B-665, debarked off the elevator and then herded along for awhile. Just like Ray and his retinue had also herded along previously. The first bunch off the elevator approached Upyeraholes just like Ray and his retinue did. But these in this bunch were the most adjectival of all the minions or justice seekers who were about the castle at that time and they were well organized and had thought to write down all their names and a list of stuff they would like done for themselves next to each name and they already had a plan to present the list to Upyeraholes so he could read about who was helping him and what each of the helpers wanted for their help.
But Upyeraholes, as you know, couldn’t look at the list. “Raise up mine eyelids,” hollered out Upyeraholes. Then the first herd of minions or justice seekers went about searching the Chamber and round about that vicinity for spare rigging that might be employed to raise Upyeraholes' eyelids up, so Upyeraholes could read their list.
Along came a second herd of minions or justice seekers even bigger in number than the first. Some of them had thought to write down their names and what they wanted in return for their help. But most of them had forgot to do that and were trying to borrow items to write on or with. “Find me that juvenile delinquent, Ray the vermin swine chow,” hollered out Upyeraholes. Then the second herd of minions or justice seekers went about searching the Chamber and round about for that juvenile delinquent, Ray the vermin swine chow. Some of them also searched for a pencil or paper.
Along came a third herd off the elevator, the biggest herd of all. This particular herd included lots of stragglers and strays and they were all just herding along to see what they could get and hardly any of them had even thought about a list. But some of them thought about a list once they began to mix in with the previous arrivals. At this third herd Upyeraholes hollered out, “Ye bunch get out the brooms and mops and tidy up. Er, some of ye may help the first bunch er the second bunch, but don’t bunch up.”
And yet more minions or justice seekers arrived so Upyeraholes soon had all the help he could get. Upyeraholes cheered up. For anon, with all the help available, Upyeralholes just knew that his eyelids would be raised expeditiously to happy sights of Ray. And Upyeraholes gloated on the many happy sights of Ray: Ray, Dying the Triple Death, Ray, Burned at the Stake, Ray, with a Red Hot Poker up his Lalahole, Ray, Skinned Alive, Ray, Ground Up in the Swine Chow, Tiny little chunks of Ray in the swine skitters and all the little tiny chunks begging and pleading, please don’t eat me again, please, please. (By the way, it is well known that swine sometimes eat their own skitters. But Gandhi drank his own lalajuice). So delighted was Upyeraholes with all these happy sights of Ray, especially the ultimate one, that Upyeraholes smiled with bemusement. Then Upyeraholes chortled with delight. Then Upyeraholes giggled with anticipation. Then Upyeraholes rocked with laughter. Then Upyeraholes roared with mirth. Then Upyeraholes lost control of both his major excretory exit holes simultaneously.
One may only imagine the colors, consistencies, aromas and volumes characterizing all that followed. However, if one thinks lemon cupcakes with cream centers, oily salted peanuts and icy cold RC soda water, all approaching inexhaustible quantities, one’s imagination gets a boost.
“Run for your lives!” “Save me Jesus.” “Praise be to Allah.” “Dad gum it,” These are examples of the assorted futile cries that rose to high heaven a long way off. For anon, none of the minions or justice seekers that had come down in the elevator to succor Upyeraholes was spared. In fact, they all drowned or smothered or got gassed.
“Oopsy daisy” allowed Upyeraholes, once he was all done.
But then Upyeraholes realized what he had done to himself and how quiet it was round about. “Whut am I gonna do now?” queried Upyeraholes of himself in a weak moment. But Upyeraholes soon shook himself free of the ennui and some of the shoowee and hollered out: 1) I been robbed and assaulted. 2) Anybody that comes down here and heps me will get a nice reward like an extra holiday, maybe, or some justice or some free loot. 3) But any of ye that don’t hep, shall live to regret it.
However, the remaining minions and justice seekers at the Castle of Justice ran and hid themselves or some went home. Upyeraholes was abandoned, all alone in the stygian, but partly red-lit darkness of his Chamber down on B-665.
A great many of the minions or justice seekers hearkened to Upyeraholes’ hollering. For it was rumored that no peckers had been lost for a good while and that the slobber flood on the lower floors had generally receded. So some of the minions or justice seekers eventually fetched up in the general vicinity of the elevator that went down to B-665, and the fiercest or greediest or boldest or whatever, of all the minions or justice seekers shouldered their ways on board first. But the rest of them had to wait for the elevator to come back up.
The first bunch alit on B-665, debarked off the elevator and then herded along for awhile. Just like Ray and his retinue had also herded along previously. The first bunch off the elevator approached Upyeraholes just like Ray and his retinue did. But these in this bunch were the most adjectival of all the minions or justice seekers who were about the castle at that time and they were well organized and had thought to write down all their names and a list of stuff they would like done for themselves next to each name and they already had a plan to present the list to Upyeraholes so he could read about who was helping him and what each of the helpers wanted for their help.
But Upyeraholes, as you know, couldn’t look at the list. “Raise up mine eyelids,” hollered out Upyeraholes. Then the first herd of minions or justice seekers went about searching the Chamber and round about that vicinity for spare rigging that might be employed to raise Upyeraholes' eyelids up, so Upyeraholes could read their list.
Along came a second herd of minions or justice seekers even bigger in number than the first. Some of them had thought to write down their names and what they wanted in return for their help. But most of them had forgot to do that and were trying to borrow items to write on or with. “Find me that juvenile delinquent, Ray the vermin swine chow,” hollered out Upyeraholes. Then the second herd of minions or justice seekers went about searching the Chamber and round about for that juvenile delinquent, Ray the vermin swine chow. Some of them also searched for a pencil or paper.
Along came a third herd off the elevator, the biggest herd of all. This particular herd included lots of stragglers and strays and they were all just herding along to see what they could get and hardly any of them had even thought about a list. But some of them thought about a list once they began to mix in with the previous arrivals. At this third herd Upyeraholes hollered out, “Ye bunch get out the brooms and mops and tidy up. Er, some of ye may help the first bunch er the second bunch, but don’t bunch up.”
And yet more minions or justice seekers arrived so Upyeraholes soon had all the help he could get. Upyeraholes cheered up. For anon, with all the help available, Upyeralholes just knew that his eyelids would be raised expeditiously to happy sights of Ray. And Upyeraholes gloated on the many happy sights of Ray: Ray, Dying the Triple Death, Ray, Burned at the Stake, Ray, with a Red Hot Poker up his Lalahole, Ray, Skinned Alive, Ray, Ground Up in the Swine Chow, Tiny little chunks of Ray in the swine skitters and all the little tiny chunks begging and pleading, please don’t eat me again, please, please. (By the way, it is well known that swine sometimes eat their own skitters. But Gandhi drank his own lalajuice). So delighted was Upyeraholes with all these happy sights of Ray, especially the ultimate one, that Upyeraholes smiled with bemusement. Then Upyeraholes chortled with delight. Then Upyeraholes giggled with anticipation. Then Upyeraholes rocked with laughter. Then Upyeraholes roared with mirth. Then Upyeraholes lost control of both his major excretory exit holes simultaneously.
One may only imagine the colors, consistencies, aromas and volumes characterizing all that followed. However, if one thinks lemon cupcakes with cream centers, oily salted peanuts and icy cold RC soda water, all approaching inexhaustible quantities, one’s imagination gets a boost.
“Run for your lives!” “Save me Jesus.” “Praise be to Allah.” “Dad gum it,” These are examples of the assorted futile cries that rose to high heaven a long way off. For anon, none of the minions or justice seekers that had come down in the elevator to succor Upyeraholes was spared. In fact, they all drowned or smothered or got gassed.
“Oopsy daisy” allowed Upyeraholes, once he was all done.
But then Upyeraholes realized what he had done to himself and how quiet it was round about. “Whut am I gonna do now?” queried Upyeraholes of himself in a weak moment. But Upyeraholes soon shook himself free of the ennui and some of the shoowee and hollered out: 1) I been robbed and assaulted. 2) Anybody that comes down here and heps me will get a nice reward like an extra holiday, maybe, or some justice or some free loot. 3) But any of ye that don’t hep, shall live to regret it.
However, the remaining minions and justice seekers at the Castle of Justice ran and hid themselves or some went home. Upyeraholes was abandoned, all alone in the stygian, but partly red-lit darkness of his Chamber down on B-665.
posted by ray pistrum at Wednesday, April 12, 2006
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