Ray's Thought for the Day - Ray and Olwen 23
Ray made short work of the long return journey in the general direction of Upyeraholes’ stygian chamber. “Ha! The distractions and temptations that had much afflicted me on the way out were no match for the inspirational qualities of my knob on the way back in.” thought Ray as he expeditiously fetched up at the tell-tale signs of the vicinity of the appropriate elevator. But the elevator door, though open, was closing fast and Ray had to leap into the crack to get on the dang elevator right then. “Open sez me and B-665, I command ye, elevator,” Ray hollered as he shouldered aboard, stabbing furiously at the elevator operation panel with his switchblade.
The minions or justice seekers that were then habitating temporarily in the elevator drew back from Ray as far as they could get from Ray for his sudden appearance dismayed them. This is how come the minions or justice seekers temporarily habitating the elevator were dismayed by the appearance of Ray. In one hand Ray held both a sack lunch and his knob. Moreover, displayed upon Ray’s knob, was Ray’s inspiration, a naked likeness of Ray’s Aint Delilah or Olwen White Track, maybe. Ray’s alternative hand brandished an ivory handled switch blade. So Ray had his hand’s full. And though Ray’s hair waxed perfect, like unto a winged porcupine, and the appearance of Ray’s perfectly waxed hair did lend some comfort to the minions or justice seekers, the balance of Ray was of terrible aspect. For under there his hair, Ray’s T-shirt and his Levis and even his penny loafers that adorned Ray, were besmeared or befouled with Upyeraholes slobber that was drying to an oily sheen upon Ray’s garments. And this same slobber did stick Ray’s T-shirt to his skin so that the T-shirt was semi-opaque And the weight of the slobber on Ray’s Levis did drag them down lower than was generally acceptable in mixed company. Plus, Ray was just a hair, wild eyed.
Ray had plenty of elbow room. So Ray leaned up against the very same elevator panel that now served to display Ray’s art, his heart. Gesticulating in the general direction of same heart art with his ivory handled switchblade, Ray queried, “Do any of ye minions er justice seekers happen to know whut this here be a metaphor, fer?” Ray grinned encouragingly at the minions and justice seekers, but all shook their heads horizontally and just then the bell rang to signal a stop and all the minions and justice seekers had to get off at that particular stop. So that’s what they all did do, get off. But Ray felt like he needed to help everyone, so Ray hollered the answer to his query at the departing minions or justice seekers so they’d learn something. “It be a metaphor fer androgyny, the girls ere on top.”
Down, down, down went Ray. But unbeknownst, to Ray, the slobber reached higher. So when the elevator outlet to B-665 opened, Ray espied that the slobber was well nigh ankle deep even on the high ground in the vicinity of the elevator. “Dang, I shall have to swim, fer it, maybe.” So exclaiming, Ray hurriedly stripped down to his undears, tossed all his shoes and garments on top of a file cabinet and transferred all his important gear to his sack lunch sack. Ray waded off toward the black hole and adjacent vertical spotlight beam located generally ahead in the stygian vaguely red lit darkness off in the distance and past all the spooks awaiting trial dates including the ones with underwear on their heads.
Meantime.
“But daddy, Ray shall cook all the meals and wash all the dishes and put all the dishes away afterwards.”
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
“But daddy, Ray shall sort all the garbage from the recyclables and dispose of each after its own proper fashion.”
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
“But daddy, Ray shall wash and dry all the garments on the correct temperature settings.”
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
“But daddy, Ray shall wash all the garments separately, each with its own color.”
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
"But daddy, Ray shall fold up all the garments or put them on hangers and distribute them all to their proper drawers or closets and then Ray shall fold up all the towels and all the sheets even maybe, and put them away too."
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
“Oh my goodness daddy, lookee down yonder. Here comes Ray, side-stroking.” “Hello Ray,” Olwen hollered out. “I just knew ye’d come back, fer me”
Sure enough, Ray was down yonder side-stroking. “Hey Olwen. Hey, Chief Justice Upyeraholes, yer most Honorable-Oss-Ity. I, Ray have returned expeditiously with yer snacks and treats. May I come to land and climb on up yer pants leg, please”.
But Upyeraholes, Chief Justice was very, very hungry by this time. So Upyeraholes reached down with the Long Arm of the Law, encapsulated Ray in the Great Hand of the Law, and deposited Ray high, but not dry, on the big hill that served as Upyeraholes’ belly.
“Eeek” squeaked Ray. Ray did not like to be handled without his permission. But discerning that he was deposited high but not dry on Upyeraholes hill like belly, Ray forgave Upyeraholes his indiscretion for the time being.
“Ha, here I be turned up yet again like unto a bad penny with all yer snacks and treats, daddy rabbit.” hollered Ray, suddenly brimming with confidence under the slobber.
“Gimme my first snack or treat, ye juvenile delinquent slobber befouled swine fart.” hollered back Upyeraholes rudely.
“And if I do give ye yer first snack er treat, what will ye give me back then?” hollered Ray back.
“Nought will I give ye lest ye fill me up. Yet there is no sack lunch sack in all the three spheres of this globe that would contain all the snacks and treats that would fill me up, lest it be the lunch sack of Cerredwen Old Hag and She will not give it ye and ye caint make Her give it ye”
“But in the off chance that I can fill ye up, whut will ye give me?”
“I will give ye Olwen White Track and ye may have sexual intercourse with her, maybe”
Upyeraholes was very, very hungry by this time, but he sill remembered, as Ray noted, to say maybe.
“All righty then, here’s some delicious cupcakes, fer ye, daddy rabbit.” Ray fired a fastball of twain cupcakes still encapsulated in their little cellophane package at the cavernous maw of Upyeraholes.
But Upyeraholes spat the wrapper back at Ray anon, and hollered out “Ha! More, more of them delicious cupcakes.”
So Ray thrust the wrapper back into the sack and then brought his hand forth from the sack and lo there were twain cupcakes properly packaged up as before. Yet again, Ray tossed a cupcakes fastball at Upyeraholes, but Upyeraholes only caught the cupcakes in his cavernous maw and spat the wrapper back at Ray.
Then for a great long while, Ray was kept really busy catching the wrappers spat back at him, sticking them in his lunch sack, pulling out the restored cupcakes and firing them off at Upyeraholes cavernous maw. Ray fired cupcakes fastball after cupcakes fastball. But then Ray figured he might throw his arm out so he switched to sliders. Then he switched to knuckle balls. Then he switched back to sliders. Then he tossed a curve ball or two to mix things up. Then he went back to the fastball.
Olwen, meantime, sat on pins and needles in the grandstands rooting for Ray and reminding herself that patience was a virtue. But every once in a while she took a little nap.
After a great long while though, Upyeraholes’ sweet tooth was satisfied and it came to his vast an unfathomable mind that he would like a salty snack to balance the sweet cupcakes. So Upyeraholes hollered out rudely down at Ray, “ Enough of them cupcakes, ye verminous swine skitter. Toss up some salty peanuts slimy with oil. Ye have not filled me up and ye will not fill me up, ever.”
“But in the off chance that I can fill ye up, whut will ye give me?”
“I will give ye Olwen White Track and ye may enjoy sexual intercourse with her, maybe”
Once more, Ray carefully took in that Upyeraholes said, maybe. And Olwen, gazing down beatifically from on high, commented “Jeez Louise!” Then Olwen stretched and yawned and Ray gazing up from the hill afar, paid particular attention to the stretch part for somewhat was revealed by that stretch and it was a seventh inning stretch, possibly.
However, “All righty then, here’s some delicious peanuts, fer ye, daddy rabbit.” Ray fired a fastball of peanuts still encapsulated in their little cellophane package at the cavernous maw of Upyeraholes. But Upyeraholes spat the wrapper back at Ray anon, and hollered out “Ha! More, more of them delicious peanuts.”
Ray was kept very, very, busy for a great while longer just as before.
After a great while longer though, Upyeraholes began to wonder if he wasn’t a mite thirsty. For Upyeraholes had gobbled up more peanuts than three fifties, times three fifties, times three fifties of pachyderms would gobble up in a month of Sundays, if there were that many pachyderms and if all those pachyderms could get at that many peanuts and if pachyderms celebrated Sunday.
Anon, Upyeraholes hollered out rudely, “ Enough of them peanuts, ye verminous swine skitter. Toss up an ice cold drink. Fer them cupcakes and peanuts have left the byway of my gullet parched, and I have nought left of my slobber to lath with. But ye have not filled me up and ye will not fill me up, ever.”
“Whut will ye give me fer an ice cold RC?”
“I will give ye Olwen White Track and ye may enjoy sexual intercourse with her, maybe”
Olwen White Track, by this time, had just about had it. She was really, really, really tired of the proceedings and wished the proceedings over and done with really, really, really a lot. So Olwen gazed down upon Ray, and her visage looked hard upon Ray and Olwen's look spelled “Don’t give him the RC, Ray. Don’t give him the RC, Ray. Don’t ye dare give him that RC, Ray.”
The minions or justice seekers that were then habitating temporarily in the elevator drew back from Ray as far as they could get from Ray for his sudden appearance dismayed them. This is how come the minions or justice seekers temporarily habitating the elevator were dismayed by the appearance of Ray. In one hand Ray held both a sack lunch and his knob. Moreover, displayed upon Ray’s knob, was Ray’s inspiration, a naked likeness of Ray’s Aint Delilah or Olwen White Track, maybe. Ray’s alternative hand brandished an ivory handled switch blade. So Ray had his hand’s full. And though Ray’s hair waxed perfect, like unto a winged porcupine, and the appearance of Ray’s perfectly waxed hair did lend some comfort to the minions or justice seekers, the balance of Ray was of terrible aspect. For under there his hair, Ray’s T-shirt and his Levis and even his penny loafers that adorned Ray, were besmeared or befouled with Upyeraholes slobber that was drying to an oily sheen upon Ray’s garments. And this same slobber did stick Ray’s T-shirt to his skin so that the T-shirt was semi-opaque And the weight of the slobber on Ray’s Levis did drag them down lower than was generally acceptable in mixed company. Plus, Ray was just a hair, wild eyed.
Ray had plenty of elbow room. So Ray leaned up against the very same elevator panel that now served to display Ray’s art, his heart. Gesticulating in the general direction of same heart art with his ivory handled switchblade, Ray queried, “Do any of ye minions er justice seekers happen to know whut this here be a metaphor, fer?” Ray grinned encouragingly at the minions and justice seekers, but all shook their heads horizontally and just then the bell rang to signal a stop and all the minions and justice seekers had to get off at that particular stop. So that’s what they all did do, get off. But Ray felt like he needed to help everyone, so Ray hollered the answer to his query at the departing minions or justice seekers so they’d learn something. “It be a metaphor fer androgyny, the girls ere on top.”
Down, down, down went Ray. But unbeknownst, to Ray, the slobber reached higher. So when the elevator outlet to B-665 opened, Ray espied that the slobber was well nigh ankle deep even on the high ground in the vicinity of the elevator. “Dang, I shall have to swim, fer it, maybe.” So exclaiming, Ray hurriedly stripped down to his undears, tossed all his shoes and garments on top of a file cabinet and transferred all his important gear to his sack lunch sack. Ray waded off toward the black hole and adjacent vertical spotlight beam located generally ahead in the stygian vaguely red lit darkness off in the distance and past all the spooks awaiting trial dates including the ones with underwear on their heads.
Meantime.
“But daddy, Ray shall cook all the meals and wash all the dishes and put all the dishes away afterwards.”
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
“But daddy, Ray shall sort all the garbage from the recyclables and dispose of each after its own proper fashion.”
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
“But daddy, Ray shall wash and dry all the garments on the correct temperature settings.”
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
“But daddy, Ray shall wash all the garments separately, each with its own color.”
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
"But daddy, Ray shall fold up all the garments or put them on hangers and distribute them all to their proper drawers or closets and then Ray shall fold up all the towels and all the sheets even maybe, and put them away too."
“That may be, but thou shall not enjoy sexual intercourse with Ray, ever. Slobber.”
“Oh my goodness daddy, lookee down yonder. Here comes Ray, side-stroking.” “Hello Ray,” Olwen hollered out. “I just knew ye’d come back, fer me”
Sure enough, Ray was down yonder side-stroking. “Hey Olwen. Hey, Chief Justice Upyeraholes, yer most Honorable-Oss-Ity. I, Ray have returned expeditiously with yer snacks and treats. May I come to land and climb on up yer pants leg, please”.
But Upyeraholes, Chief Justice was very, very hungry by this time. So Upyeraholes reached down with the Long Arm of the Law, encapsulated Ray in the Great Hand of the Law, and deposited Ray high, but not dry, on the big hill that served as Upyeraholes’ belly.
“Eeek” squeaked Ray. Ray did not like to be handled without his permission. But discerning that he was deposited high but not dry on Upyeraholes hill like belly, Ray forgave Upyeraholes his indiscretion for the time being.
“Ha, here I be turned up yet again like unto a bad penny with all yer snacks and treats, daddy rabbit.” hollered Ray, suddenly brimming with confidence under the slobber.
“Gimme my first snack or treat, ye juvenile delinquent slobber befouled swine fart.” hollered back Upyeraholes rudely.
“And if I do give ye yer first snack er treat, what will ye give me back then?” hollered Ray back.
“Nought will I give ye lest ye fill me up. Yet there is no sack lunch sack in all the three spheres of this globe that would contain all the snacks and treats that would fill me up, lest it be the lunch sack of Cerredwen Old Hag and She will not give it ye and ye caint make Her give it ye”
“But in the off chance that I can fill ye up, whut will ye give me?”
“I will give ye Olwen White Track and ye may have sexual intercourse with her, maybe”
Upyeraholes was very, very hungry by this time, but he sill remembered, as Ray noted, to say maybe.
“All righty then, here’s some delicious cupcakes, fer ye, daddy rabbit.” Ray fired a fastball of twain cupcakes still encapsulated in their little cellophane package at the cavernous maw of Upyeraholes.
But Upyeraholes spat the wrapper back at Ray anon, and hollered out “Ha! More, more of them delicious cupcakes.”
So Ray thrust the wrapper back into the sack and then brought his hand forth from the sack and lo there were twain cupcakes properly packaged up as before. Yet again, Ray tossed a cupcakes fastball at Upyeraholes, but Upyeraholes only caught the cupcakes in his cavernous maw and spat the wrapper back at Ray.
Then for a great long while, Ray was kept really busy catching the wrappers spat back at him, sticking them in his lunch sack, pulling out the restored cupcakes and firing them off at Upyeraholes cavernous maw. Ray fired cupcakes fastball after cupcakes fastball. But then Ray figured he might throw his arm out so he switched to sliders. Then he switched to knuckle balls. Then he switched back to sliders. Then he tossed a curve ball or two to mix things up. Then he went back to the fastball.
Olwen, meantime, sat on pins and needles in the grandstands rooting for Ray and reminding herself that patience was a virtue. But every once in a while she took a little nap.
After a great long while though, Upyeraholes’ sweet tooth was satisfied and it came to his vast an unfathomable mind that he would like a salty snack to balance the sweet cupcakes. So Upyeraholes hollered out rudely down at Ray, “ Enough of them cupcakes, ye verminous swine skitter. Toss up some salty peanuts slimy with oil. Ye have not filled me up and ye will not fill me up, ever.”
“But in the off chance that I can fill ye up, whut will ye give me?”
“I will give ye Olwen White Track and ye may enjoy sexual intercourse with her, maybe”
Once more, Ray carefully took in that Upyeraholes said, maybe. And Olwen, gazing down beatifically from on high, commented “Jeez Louise!” Then Olwen stretched and yawned and Ray gazing up from the hill afar, paid particular attention to the stretch part for somewhat was revealed by that stretch and it was a seventh inning stretch, possibly.
However, “All righty then, here’s some delicious peanuts, fer ye, daddy rabbit.” Ray fired a fastball of peanuts still encapsulated in their little cellophane package at the cavernous maw of Upyeraholes. But Upyeraholes spat the wrapper back at Ray anon, and hollered out “Ha! More, more of them delicious peanuts.”
Ray was kept very, very, busy for a great while longer just as before.
After a great while longer though, Upyeraholes began to wonder if he wasn’t a mite thirsty. For Upyeraholes had gobbled up more peanuts than three fifties, times three fifties, times three fifties of pachyderms would gobble up in a month of Sundays, if there were that many pachyderms and if all those pachyderms could get at that many peanuts and if pachyderms celebrated Sunday.
Anon, Upyeraholes hollered out rudely, “ Enough of them peanuts, ye verminous swine skitter. Toss up an ice cold drink. Fer them cupcakes and peanuts have left the byway of my gullet parched, and I have nought left of my slobber to lath with. But ye have not filled me up and ye will not fill me up, ever.”
“Whut will ye give me fer an ice cold RC?”
“I will give ye Olwen White Track and ye may enjoy sexual intercourse with her, maybe”
Olwen White Track, by this time, had just about had it. She was really, really, really tired of the proceedings and wished the proceedings over and done with really, really, really a lot. So Olwen gazed down upon Ray, and her visage looked hard upon Ray and Olwen's look spelled “Don’t give him the RC, Ray. Don’t give him the RC, Ray. Don’t ye dare give him that RC, Ray.”
posted by ray pistrum at Sunday, April 09, 2006
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