Ray's Thought for the Day - Ray and Olwen 24

“Well now my fine big daddy rabbit. I didn’t quite here ye, clearly. Did ye imply that ye wanted a sip from my icy cold RC?”

“Give it me ye swine nugget” but Upyeraholes choked on all the tiny bits of chewed up peanuts afflicting the byway that was his gullet.

“And what do I get back?”

“Olwen White Track cough, hack, hack, ahem, maybe.”

“Well now. If ye caint speak up fer yerself better than that, I may just have to take a sip of this icy cold RC myself. For I too am parched and worn out from all the exercise I recently got and I could use a delicious pick me up. So if ye don’t speak up, so I can hear ye.....”

“Cough ahem, hack, hack, eh, RC please, choke.”

“And what do I get?”

“Gasp, ye get Olwen, choke, maybe, cough.”

“Could ye please speak distinctly without all that gasping and coughing.”

“Wheeze, wheeze, cough.”

“Whut?”

"Gasp, cough, ye cough, gasp, get, cough Olwen."

“And whut do I get to do with her?”

“Wheeze, cough, wheeze, cough, have sexual inter-cough-course, cough, choke.”

“All righty then. That’s better. So I am correct in assuming that if I provide ye with as much RC as ye may desire, then I will assuredly win Olwen White Track and get to have sexual intercourse with Olwen White Track fer sure, no maybe?”

Upyeraholes managed to choke up a yep. So Ray tossed the RC at Upyeraholes’ salt rimmed peanut and cupcake slavered maw. But after three fifties, times three fifties, times three fifties of tosses Ray began to wonder if Upyeraholes' great thirst would be quenched before Ray threw his arm out. And Upyeraholes, revived by the delicious RC cola, began to think of ways he could cheat Ray out of Olwen. But anon, Upyeraholes couldn’t guzzle up any more RC because like Ray said, Ray’s supply was inexhaustible. And so at last Ray knuckled up a can into Upyeraholes great pink slavering cupcake and peanut and RC besmeared maw, but instead of chomping the can and then spitting it back at Ray, Upyeraholes let the can roll off his tongue that was in the neighborhood of two yards wide, bounce off his chin, skitter down his chest and take a couple of funny hops on his belly before Ray caught up with it.

“Had enough, have ye?” hollered Ray the Rag Armed at Upyeraholes triumphantly. Then at Olwen he hollered, “Wake up darlin’ fer I have one ye at last and we may have sexual intercourse, anon.”

Lo and behold though, in his moment of triumph, and even as Olwen White Track awoke and beamed happily down on Ray, Upyeraholes cut loose with one of the three greatest belches ever recorded in those parts and Ray was laid low by the wind of that belch and the aroma of that belch and espying that Ray was laid low and conked out maybe, Upyeraholes reached around for Ray so that he would grasp Ray in the Big Hand of the Law and squash Ray some maybe, and make sure what was left of Ray, after Ray got squashed some, was mixed up in the swine chow.

Now one of the things you should understand about moon goddesses is that fair play is not really one of the spheres of interest of moon goddesses. They are way more interested in other spheres of interest. And Olwen White Track was no exception to the general run of moon goddesses in this regard. But shining her daddy on about Ray’s real and imagined attributes had required a lot of shine and Olwen didn’t want all that shine to just go to waste. And Olwen waxed aggravated regarding the economy of the events at hand. “Eeeek, lookee here daddy, a different boy other than Ray has me!” Olwen hollered. Upyeraholes rubber necked to the right to espy this new juvenile delinquent. But Olwen reflected mightily so that the light of her reflection did enter into first the rheumy, hooked right eye of her daddy and then the rheumy hooked left eye of her daddy almost instantaneously after the reflection entered his right eye, so that Upyeraholes was moon struck and temporarily blinded for the nonce and he couldn’t rightly locate Ray, expeditiously. Then Olwen hollered out, “Ray, sugar pie, cut the ropes, honey, anon.”

Ray was down, but not conked out. However, it took Ray a minute or two to go through all the different items in his sack lunch sack before he found the knife and that included a minute wasted on instructing the comb to cut the ropes. Plus Ray had to accomplish fetching forth the knife while rolling around out of reach of the Big Hand of the Law fumbling around nearby. It was touch and go, but anon Ray got his knife out and open and Ray commanded, “Please, please cut the dang ropes.” That’s what the knife did do, all righty then, and it sliced those ropes snicker snack and Upyeraholes eyelids clanged shut, and Upyeraholes was blinded and couldn’t see Ray a-tall unless some muscular minions came along and fixed up some new ropes and tied them off after cranking up Upyeraholes eyelids again.

“Whew”, but Ray still had to look out for the groping of the Big Hand of the Law.

“I caint see. Hep me. Somebody raise up my eyelids again, guards, guards, hep me,” hollered out Upyeraholes, but even so, Upyeraholes groped on for Ray.

“I got to get outside the reach of the Long Arm of the Law.” decided Ray.

And Olwen decided to help Ray, again, considering only the economy of events and not the fair play issue. “Eeeeek, daddy, cease yer gropin’. Fer I am liable to get spilled off yer shoulder and be dashed to pieces, fer below.”

Upyeraholes though, was seriously annoyed just as anyone is annoyed when they grope and grope and grope around in the dark for some artifact or phenomena they desire but can’t quite locate it in the dark. So Upyeraholes continued with his efforts to grope Ray. But Olwen’s distraction did help Ray out some and he had just enough time to compose himself for a tumbling trick for which all the great heroes are famous, not Ray alone. Ray leaped on high and that leap was ever after accounted as one of the three greatest forward somersaults of those parts and Ray’s leap described a great arc from where Ray was situated on Upyeraholes’ hill of a belly all the way up to Upyeraholes’ plain of a shoulder where Olwen was situated and in the process of describing that arc, Ray did one complete forward flip, hence why these prodigious leaps are sometimes spelled, somersault.

“Hey Olwen.”

“Hello Ray.”

“Er, we need to get outside the reach of the Long Arm of the Law.”

“Yepper.”

“Can ye do a prodigious leap er two?”

“Yepper.”

So then, hand in hand, Olwen White Track and Ray performed a duet, duet of somersaults that commenced on Upyeraholes plain of a shoulder, ricocheted off his big belly of a hill and fetched them up a safe distance off in the general direction of the elevator. But these two somersaults didn’t make the three greatest list of somersaults in those parts because they were entirely assisted by gravity.

Then espying that he was fairly safe for the nonce and had Olwen in hand at last, Ray hollered out at the unlucky Upyeraholes back yonder still groping around in the dark, “Cheaters never prosper. Cheaters never prosper. Cheaters never prosper.”

“Guards, guards, guards. I’ve been robbed and blinded by a juvenile delinquent. Hep me! Hep me!”

But alas for Upyeraholes, no guards came running in. Not only were all the guards still afraid of losing their peckers, but everyone knew by now that the lower floors of the basement were flooded, though the flood had by this time receded somewhat, and none of the guards desired to drown while losing their peckers. (That amount of suffering just wasn’t worth a civil service salary).

Ray hollered out, “On account of ye tried to cheat me and ye didn’t play fair by the rules, sometime tomorrow, I’m comin’ along back here to settle some scores, maybe. Bye.”

“Bye daddy, see ye tomorrow, maybe,” Olwen also affirmed.

Olwen White Track though sought to make out with Ray and Ray also sought to make out with Olwen White Track so that they didn’t quite make it to the elevator before they enjoyed sexual intercourse. Then also they didn’t quite make it onto the elevator right then either for the twain of them enjoyed sexual intercourse when Ray had to fetch his garments off the file cabinet top where they were temporarily stored. Then when they got on the elevator and Olwen espied Ray’s heart they enjoyed sexual intercourse that way as symbolized by the heart on the way up to the Main G-labyrinth floor. Then when they got out to the Crown Vic they enjoyed sexual intercourse in the back seat. Then they drove, drove, drove to a very nice tourist court and enjoyed sexual intercourse in the included comfort station shower of their tourist court accommodation. Then when they were all cleaned up they went off to get some hamburgers and onion rings. Then after they ate those items up, they went shopping.