Ray's Thought for the Day - Ray and Olwen 20

Inside the gate of the black castle Ray found a place to park on the lawn and all Ray’s retinue did also park on the lawn. But with all the hired help run off from fear of losing their peckers, not a single minion was left high or low to solicit directions from. And directions Ray needed, and likewise the retinue, maybe, for this particular castle was great big and had a confusing layout and a great many doors opened onto the lawn and behind those doors were countless corridors that led in every direction imaginable away from the lawn. And in the corridors were endless rows of file cabinets so that the rows of file cabinets were like corridors also. But a person wandering amid those file cabinets could easily get lost and then be found many years anon, mummified.

“What are we gonna do now?” whined Sleeza. “I need to pee and freshen up.”

“I need to pee too,” chimed in Chitlin and Rumpler.

“Be quiet a minute. I got to think.” responded Ray, thinking only of himself. Then in the sudden quiet that ensued for the nonce, Ray thought, “Jeez Louise. I got to learn to control my temper better. Them fat boys was just doin’ their jobs. Oh well.” Then Ray also thought, for his blinding rage was departed and he had shrunk down to his normal size withal, “The rest of them fat boys are liable to work up the nerve to come after me, anon, maybe.” But then Ray also thought, “Aint this retinue sposed to hep me?” So Ray then addressed the chief men of his retinue and Sleeza also. “I swan the thrice of ye have been here in this castle often enough, fer it is a place that the high and mighty may come to tip the scales in their favor perchance.” Then the thrice most high of Ray’s retinue did own up that they had all been to the castle many times.

“And whut were ye seekin’ here in the castle, not Olwen White Track, I swan.” and as Ray queried these thrice of his retinue, Ray looked hard upon them to discern if any should have traipsed round Olwen, for as Ray’s passion grew, so did his jealously, and especially he looked hard on Chitlin who often could not be found and could at those very times have been sneaking around after Olwen. But the thrice worthies of the retinue all declaimed that they had been to the castle many times to seek justice only for themselves, and Ray believed that and was satisfied and felt better.

“So, if ye have been here many times then ye must know which way it be to Upyeraholes Chamber. One er another of ye should lead on.” Ray foretold.

Then Chitlin said he knew the way and they all set out with Chiltin and his gun thugs in the lead, then Rumpler and Sleeza followed with the rest of the minions and Ray riding drag. Chitlin knew the way all righty then, none better, and it wasn’t any time before they all got to enjoy their ablutions at a comfort station break and then they all headed out again, herding along behind Chitlin, instinctively.

That journey through the labyrinth of those halls of justice was ever after etched in Ray’s memory. For ever and anon the hall they were in would widen out and Ray would find himself in big underground rooms. One of these rooms was so big, it contained a complete underground 18 hole golf course with short carpet for the greens and shag carpet for the roughs and miles of those lights that cause everyone to be sick and ponds for wayward golf balls. Ray recalled that he could dive for the wayward golf balls in the ponds and get two bits fer each one, and make a livin’ at golf ball divin’ if all else fell through, maybe.

Many great rooms with different natures or forms or functions did Ray espy upon that hike. Some had tumbling apparatus, some had swimming pools, some had movie stars. As the retinue plus Ray descended deeper and deeper into the labyrinth, more and yet more minions appeared and many others also appeared, humans and proto humans that were not minions of Upyeraholes and were perhaps seeking justice, or seeking Olwen, Ray suspected gloomily. All these humans and proto humans were scurrying about and many of these same humans or proto humans greeted Chitlin, or Rumpler, or Sleeza as if they were old pals. But many more only tugged at their forelocks when they espied the triplet leaders of Ray’s retinue. All this and more, Ray took in.

At last, after quite a long march, Chitlin fetched up at an elevator and the retinue plus Ray got on the elevator and they all descended with the elevator. Down, down, down and yet further down they all went until Ray wondered if that particular elevator would ever stop going down. But at last the elevator light come on with a ping and Ray read what floor they were descended there to on the display panel of the elevator, B 665.

“Ha! We aint quite so far down as I feared” thought Ray optimistically. But the elevator door opened and they looked out upon a vast long and wide chamber that was but dimly lit in a sickly reddish glow. Out of the elevator they all piled plus Ray. “Keep moving along no matter what you see or hear.” instructed Chitlin, “and follow along right behind me and do not wander off. For on either side of the path we shall take are those that sought justice and failed, criminals doomed to wander here forever awaiting a trial date, dope fiends, fornicators, sodomites, small property owners, terrorists with underwear on their heads and other scary stuff.” So with these instructions in mind, off they went again, both Ray and the retinue, resuming formation instinctively behind Chitlin. But Rumpler looked longingly for the terrorists with underwear on their heads as he went along.

After a fair time of proceeding along at a good pace, Ray could just espy a shaft of more regular light shining down up ahead, a vertical shaft of light in the general gloom, and next to that vertical shaft of light a vast vague shape up against the shaft of vertical light and that vast vague shape was even gloomier than the rest of the place. On they all went. Ray strained and rubber necked to see into the darkness ahead and in particular he yearned to see clearly into that shaft of vertical light for Ray suspected that if Olwen White Track was located anywhere within that terrible gloomy place, she would be in the spotlight.

So anon they fetched up against a little well-polished wooden fence. But on the other side of the little well-polished wooden fence sat Upyeraholes, Chief Justice upon a prodigious throne necessary for his giant size and this prodigious throne and the bulk of Upyeraholes that sat upon it was the gloomiest part of the whole Chamber and was the especially gloomy part that Ray had espied from afar. Two large and muscular minions groveled at the knees of Upyeraholes. But set apart from all that gloom and the groveling minions was a nice Lazy Boy recliner illuminated by canned moonlight. Upon that Lazy Boy reclined Olwen White Track and when Olwen espied Ray in the rear of Ray’s retinue, Olwen sang out “Hello Ray” and then Olwen winked at Ray and also blew him a kiss. Ray, of a sudden, felt lots better and Ray grinned and jigged a bit and did hand puppets at Olwen and combed his hair artfully and did whatever else he could think up to draw favorable attention to himself from Olwen White Track. And Ray did notice as he minced and capered that Olwen never looked lovelier with her cherry red lips and toenails, and her corn yellow hair, and her milk white skin, and her eyes the same blue lavender as Eustoma grandiflora and her very low cut blouse that was green as Ireland and matching short-shorts. Plus, Olwen had a swell torque situated on her brow that twinkled, and matched her earrings.

But an ever deepening shadow fell upon Ray as he minced and capered. For Upyeraholes arose up some on his throne and Upyeraholes hollered out in a great voice, “Who has come along here a-soiling up the halls of Justice and a-roiling the Peace of the Land and Interrupting my Nap? Raise up mine eyes so that I may espy this vermin.” Hearing the frightful command, the twain muscular minions each sprang to a rope that was handy and both those ropes went miles up into the rafters where they entwined within twain quadruple pulley sets affixed to the rafters and then down again to two great fish hooks that were hooked in Upyeraholes eyelids and with all their might and main the muscular minions did tug upon those ropes until the gummy excrement on Upyeraholes eyelids parted and the eyelids of Upyeraholes opened a bit and each eye was in the neighborhood of a yard wide.

Meantime Ray and Olwen had progressed to sexually suggestive pantomimes and were having lots of fun doing air fornications at each other. So naturally, Upyeraholes opened eyes eventually lit upon Ray, who happened to be joyfully humping air.

“Guards, guards where are my guards?” hollered Upyeraholes.

By now, everyone in the castle knew that all the guards had run away for fear of magically losing their peckers. Everyone, that is but Upyeraholes, because that is how bureaucracies operate during emergency situations, maybe, leaving the stop to the buck. So when not one guard responded, Upyeraholes looked about for some handy heavy object that he might cast at Ray so that Ray would be smitten dead. (Upyeraholes knew intuitively that Ray just had to be the source of this latest irritation). But nought of the heavy and inert could he espy handy. So Upyeraholes seized up his twain muscular minions, one in each hand and cast first one muscular minion and then the other at Ray in quick succession.

“Yikes!. Olwen White Track squeaked just in the nick of time, “Look out Ray!”

Ray did look out for he was keenly focused on Olwen and her words were his commands. So Ray dodged this a-way and that a-way and evaded entirely the fusillade of muscular minions. “Ha! Ye missed me. So now I will comb yer hair, fer ye, Upyeraholes” hollered Ray for he was now cheerfully worked up from entertaining Olwen and none of his rage was again upon Ray, yet.

“No ye will not comb my hair, fer me, thou criminal vermin juvenile delinquent and ye are food fer swine to boot. For no comb may comb my hair lest it be the comb that rides between the ears of Twrch Trwyth and he will not give it ye and ye may not make him give it ye.”
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“If I comb yer hair right now, daddy rabbit, will ye give me Olwen White Track in exchange.”

“If ye comb my hair right now then I shall give ye Olwen, maybe.”

“All righty then.” Ray climbed up Upyeraholes leg which was like climbing an oak tree, and over his big belly, which was like climbing a hill and up along his chest which was like scaling the highest cliff and on to his shoulder which was like a broad plain and Ray just managed to hoist himself up on to Upyeraholes ear where Ray stood on tip toe to reach up to Upyeraholes nasty old hair that was all on the very tip top of his old head. Upyeraloles hair was like unto the worst greenbriers and tree roots all twisted together. But with one wave of Ray’s comb, Upyeraholes hair waxed, perfect.

“Daddy, ye look a hunerd years younger,” shouted Olwen from the sidelines.

“Yep ye do indeed, at least a hunerd, daddy rabbit,” Ray agreed. “And now that ye have yer hair combed out all nice, I shall depart with Olwen so that I may have sexual intercourse with her.”

“No ye shall not, fer sure, fer I said maybe. Fer now I must have a trim and a shave.”

“If I give ye a trim and a shave right now daddy rabbit, will ye give me Olwen White Track in exchange.”

“Yep. I will give ye Olwen, maybe. But ye will not give me a trim and shave, thou criminal vermin juvenile delinquent. But instead ye shall wind up in the swine chow. For no shear may shear a single hair off my head lest it be the shear that rides between the ears of Twrch Trwyth and he will not give it ye and ye may not make him give it ye.”

Ha! We shall soon see about that.” Ray pulled his switchblade and honed it on Upyeraholes beard. Then with a few flicks of his wrist Ray gave Upyeraholes the finest shave and trim that has ever been seen in those parts.

“Daddy, ye look two hunerd years younger,” shouted Olwen from the sidelines.

“Yep ye do indeed, at least two hunerd, daddy rabbit,” Ray agreed. “And now that ye have yer hair trimmed and yer beard shaved off all nice, I shall depart with Olwen so that I may have sexual intercourse with her.”

“No ye shall not, fer sure, fer I said maybe. Fer now I must have snacks and treats enough to fill me up.”

Ray was about to respond in true hero fashion in kind with his previous two responses when Olwen hollered, “Daddy, can Ray climb down from there and chat with me in private a minute.”

“Er, Mr. Upyeraholes I need to get down anyway to see about the snacks and treats.” Ray chimed in, supporting Olwen.

“Ye will not run off and have sexual intercourse with Olwen if I let ye get down.”

“Noper.”

“All righty then. Ye may get down.”

So Ray climbed down off Upyeraholes and went over to chat with Olwen in private for a minute.

“Ray, daddy’s trickin’ ye.”

“He is!”

“Yepper Ray, he is. Every time he promises to let ye have sexual intercourse with me he says maybe.”

“Dang, I should of seen through that!”

“Look Ray. Ye have already got further along than any of the other boys that wound up in the swine chow. So ye have got to figure out some way to keep daddy from spellin’ maybe. Either that or we’ll be here forever and never get to have sexual intercourse, or ye’ll wind up in the swine chow and we won’t get to have sexual intercourse then, either.”

“Well how the heck can I keep him frum spellin’ maybe? Dang!”

“Ray, can ye really acquire enough snacks and treats to fill daddy up?. He can eat up quite a lot.”

“Yepper, an inexhaustible supply.”

“Hmmm. What are these inexhaustible snacks and treats precisely?”

“Easy that, Hostess simulation lemon cupcakes, peanuts and RC, the three major food groups, sweet, salty and liquid, er starch, protein and liquid, er sugar, fat and liquid, er.....”

“All righty then Ray. I have an idea. Here’s whut ye do.” And Olwen whispered to Ray what he should do.